


Don't look at me

by Julieseven



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Ableist Language, Angst, Awkward Conversations, Blow Jobs, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Bullying, First Time Blow Jobs, Heavy Make-out, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mental Illness, Not So Subtle Flirting, Slight Flirting, mention of bullying, self hatred, will add tags as I keep writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-11-29
Packaged: 2018-10-02 21:40:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 66,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10228052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Julieseven/pseuds/Julieseven
Summary: This is my first AU. I took an idea from Philipp Pullmann: in his trilogy "His dark materials", people's souls walk beside them in form of animals, called daemons. I am retelling Isak and Even's story in that universe, with slight alterations and a few additional characters.This work will be updated hopefully once a week, depending on how much work I have to do. I hope you'll like it!





	1. First day

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so first off, I have to thank a few people: @dew_frost for helping me find names and animal forms for the daemons, and @nnooorraa, @kardemommevak, @coldharmonies and @nebulanebula for proof-reading!! I love you girls so much!
> 
> Now, a few words about the daemons: They are physical manifestations of people's souls and usually have the opposite gender of the person they belong to (except for non-binary people, they have non-binary daemons as well).  
> It's very very impolite to touch another person's daemon, that is only permissible between close family members, very close friends or lovers. Touches between daemons are normal though.  
> They feel everything their human feels, however more emotionally than physically. For instance, when a human feels sad, their daemon feels the exact same sadness. However, if a human is touched, the daemon only feels it if the touch is violent or particularly emotional. Let me know if you have questions and I'll add the answers in the notes.

There is no better way to start the day, you decide and lean back against Talia's fur. You are sitting on a bench at the edge of the Vigeland Park with Talia curled up around your back, letting the morning sun warm your face.

"Ah, we should start every day like this, eh Talia?" you say and turn your head to look at your daemon.

The black wolf turns her head and scoffs quietly. "Sure. I can't wait for a rainy day though."

 

You scowl at her but can't help a smile curling your lips. Being your daemon, Talia knows how just a short walk in the cool morning air helps setting your mind at ease. She just likes giving you a hard time for waking her up earlier than necessary.

"You know you love it," you murmur and run a hand through Talia's fur. Your daemon leans her head back, closing her eyes with a deep sigh.

"Mhm, maybe a little," she breathes quietly, making you grin to yourself. You sit up straighter and close your eyes, taking a deep breath. The cold air filling your lungs makes you feel alive and despite not having slept much, you're starting to feel awake and ready for the day.

 

"I can't believe I'm starting that job today," you say slowly, suddenly feeling nervous again. Talia nudges your elbow with her nose.

"You'll be fine Even", she murmurs quietly, and you put your arm around her, pulling her close. Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, you take another deep breath, nodding slowly.

"It can't be worse than Bakka, right?" you say, not sure whether you're talking to Talia or yourself. Your daemon chuckles quietly as you both get up and start making your way towards Frogner square.

"Nothing can be worse than Bakka, besides, that was almost five years ago.", Talia growls and you smile down at her, once again feeling very grateful to have her. Talia doesn't talk much when others are around, but she never fails to make you feel a little safer in situations like this one.

 

You have almost reached the square, when a guy catches your eye. He's walking up and down at the tram stop, and you can tell he's at least as nervous as you are. His blonde curls are framing his face, and when he looks up you catch a glimpse of a pair of expressive green eyes. He's gorgeous. Although you have no idea who he is, something about him makes you want to walk up to him and say: "Everything will be okay, don't worry about anything."

Instead you just freeze on the spot. Talia stands just as still, and you both stare in the same direction. A hot shiver runs through your entire body and you hear Talia grumble nervously. The guy takes a deep breath and raises his hand to his face. His daemon, a gecko, is sitting on his palm and apparently trying to calm him down. You hear him say: "I know, Sal, I know, thank you", sounding exasperated.

He sighs again, fixes the red snapback on his head and then turns on his heel, walking briskly across the square. Talia nudges your hand with her nose, waking you up from your trance. "Can we go now?"

 

You shake your head and follow the guy into Frogner street. "Who do you think that is?" you ask, your eyes glued to the back of his red snapback. Your daemon shakes her head slowly, appearing to be lost in thought, just like you.

"How should I know, Even?" Talia murmurs, almost to herself. "But he seems to be heading to the same place we're going", she adds, and you look up to see that she's right: The guy has just opened the door to house number 15, where a big sign announces "Karlsson film production."

Your heartbeat speeds up and you can hear Talia let out a shaking breath. "Brilliant, as if we need another reason for you to be nervous today." Suppressing a bashful giggle, you look over at your daemon and try to come up with a retort.

"I'm .. I'm fine, Talia, don't worry", you say and push the door open. "It's just nice to know I'm not the only person who feels out of place here today." Talia runs up the first flight of stairs and looks down at you, shaking herself.

"We're going to be very professional today, Even", she tells you, and you can't help but smile at her. "No weird flirting in the cafeteria, no accidental touching, no talking unless it's about the job."

Talia's voice is steady but her fur is on end and her ears are alert. You let out a stuttering breath before you say:

"Alright, I guess."

Together, you walk up two more flights of stairs. Finally standing in front of the door leading to the studio where you are about to start your first job, you both take a deep breath and look at each other.

 

You got the job because your father's brother Unnar – a seasoned theatre actor – knows Erik Karlsson, the owner of Karlsson film production. Erik is rather successful with small Indie films he produces all over S **c** andinavia, and you've always admired his work. As a kid you would always beg uncle Unnar to take you with him whenever Erik invited him to a premiere. A few times you had actually been successful and would bombard Erik with questions like: "How did you film that? Where was the camera man standing while filming this shot? How did you chose the music for this scene?" Erik didn't know half of the answers to your questions, but he would happily try to, while you and Talia jumped around him and Unnar, re-enacting scenes from the movie you had just watched.

 

You hear a door slam shut somewhere, and it brings you back from your trip down memory lane. As of today, you will be the new assistant cutter at Karlsson film production, and for all you know, they might make you get coffee for everyone if you suck. So you better focus. You look at Talia and try to think of something to say. But Talia just takes a shaky breath and clears her throat.

"You know we'll have to go in before you can get fired, right?", she says slowly, and you both giggle at that.

"Yes, you're right", you tell her and purse your lips. Both you and Talia take another deep breath and then, you open the door. "Let's get me fired", you murmur, making Talia smirk.

 

You walk up to the reception desk and are glad to see that Anna is sitting there. She was there on the day of your interview, and she really helped you relax before talking to Sigur. "Hi Even, welcome back", Anna calls cheerfully and her daemon – a bright hyacinth macaw called Edmund -  flutters off her shoulders to land in front of Talia.

"Hi Anna", you say and watch Talia and Edmund greet each other cheerfully. "How are you?"

Anna smiles brightly and nods. "Oh I am very well! You're the second handsome man to walk in here in the past five minutes" she giggles and you feel your smile freeze. _Does she mean who you think she means?_

"Haha, really?", you say nervously, and from the corner of your eye you see Talia's ears perk up curiously. Anna nods again as Edmund flutters back onto her shoulder, both of them eyeing you with a knowing look that makes you blush.

"Yeah, there is a new intern, I believe his name is Isak", Anna went on, her eyes sparkling. "He's a student and will be working as a part-time production assistant." You try to seem indifferent, but almost in spite of yourself, you nod appreciatively.

"Isak", you murmur and smile to yourself. "Has he worked here long?" you ask hesitantly, biting your lip.

Anna shakes her head. "No, he's starting today, just like you."

You grin at her, pretending to sigh with relief. "So I'm not the only new guy today, that's good to know", you tell her and put your hand on hers for a second. "See you later, Anna, I think Sigur is waiting for me."

 

Anna nods slowly and you really wish you could wipe that knowing grin off her face. You don't want Sigur to see you blush. Turning around, you walk over to Sigur's office, trying to still the shaking of you hands. So Isak is his name. It suits him, you think. And as a production assistant, he will not be around the office a lot, so you will have to think of a way to see him …

"Focus, Even", Talia interrupts your thoughts, sounding stressed. Shaking yourself, you clear your throat and nod at her.

"Yes, boss", you murmur quietly before you walk into Sigur's office.

 

Sigur greets you cordially and asks you how you're doing. After discussing some administrational issues with you, he takes you on a tour around the rest of the offices, introducing you to everyone you will be working with. His daemon – a light-brown Labrador named Elisa – eyes Talia carefully but kindly, and both you and your daemon relax more with every passing minute. And when the cutter – Andres, a young Spanish guy – gives you a hug and welcomes you to his "humble and creative office of chaos", you are sure that you're in the right place.

"We'll have tons of fun together", Andres tells you and caresses his daemon with his index finger. "This is Ximena, by the way" he adds and the tiny shrew giggles excitedly.

"Hello", she peeps. "Even don't be nervous, Andres doesn't know what he's doing half of the time."

You all laugh at this, and only a minute later you are already sitting at your very own desk facing Andres' work place while he explains what you will do today.

By lunchtime, Andres is already full of praises for your work. "I know why Sigur hired you", he tells you on the way to the cafeteria. "You have a very good sense of timing and aren't afraid to try new things."

Talia is waving her tail excitedly and you can't stop grinning. This is going much better than you expected. Everyone you have met so far has been kind to you and seems to expect you to do well, which is scary and motivating at the same time.

 

After lunch, Andres lets you cut a few scenes on your own and you quickly find out that the long hours working on film projects for school were worth it. Knowing that you're cutting actual movie scenes makes the work all the more exciting, and you love every minute of it.

With Talia curled up around your legs, you watch each scene carefully and take your time before deciding where to cut.

While you're both working, Anders asks you about how you found out you wanted to work in the film industry. So you tell him how you had started interrogating Erik when you were a kid and never stopped.

"By the time I was sixteen, Erik must have realized that my obsession with movies wasn't just a phase or a hobby. So he would start taking me with him when he visited film sets, and introduced me to the people he worked with."

Andres nods appreciatively. "He must have known you're talented."

You giggle nervously at that. "Well, I did shove my ideas of 'storyboards' in his face all the time, so yeah, he must have thought they weren't horrible."

Andres shakes his head with a low laugh. "So have you ever worked in film before? Or did Erik only ever let you tag along?"

You laugh again and push your hair out of your face. "Haha, by the time I was 18, tagging along was not enough for me anymore. So Erik gave me my first summer job as a production assistant on one of his movies' sets."

You sigh and lean back in your chair, grinning over at Andres. "And, believe it or not, I was happy to get up at 5 o 'clock every morning and do whatever chores the crew asked me to do. I was just so proud to be a part of a movie production."

"Ah, I remember that feeling", Andres smiles broadly and asks: "Which film school did you go to after High school?"

"NISS (Nordisk Institutt for Scene og Studio)" you tell him, grinning proudly. "I have always been a nerd."

Andres laughs and frowns at the same time. "What do you mean by that? Is NISS a nerdy school?"

"Oh right", you say, slapping your palm to your forehead. "Sorry, I forgot you didn't go to film school here."

"ECA Madrid, thank you very much", Andres said with a mock-offended expression.

"Best film school of Spain, I remember", you hurry to say. Andres giggles and gives you a thumbs-up.

"NISS is the only film school in Oslo that really focuses on theory as much as on the actual film-making", you tell Andres and shake your head slowly. "You would not believe how many papers I wrote on composition and cinematography. But it was fun!"

"Wow, you are a nerd", Andres laughs again. "Let me guess: during your studies, you got top marks for every project?"

You blush slightly and look at your knees before you tell him. "I was never bad at film projects, I'll admit that."

"Yeah, no kidding", Andres nods, gets up and comes around your desk to look over your shoulder. "You really have a great eye for beginning and final shots, something that takes most people years to learn."

You feel your cheeks blush, but you watch happily as Andres clicks through the scene you've been editing and nods appreciatively. "Yup, Erik's instincts were right", he concludes and goes back to his desk.

"Thanks Andres." You grin gratefully at him, almost unable to believe that this is your first day on the job. The rest of the afternoon flies by and before you know it, it's already 5 o'clock. After complimenting your work again, Andres sends you home and you leave his office with a soaring heart.

 

"Turns out your teachers did know what they were doing", Talia remarks drily while you walk down the hall. You laugh at that, but before you can throw a retort at her, someone bumps into you just as you're about to open the door to the staircase.

"Sorry", you murmur but freeze when you look up into Isak's face. You have completely forgotten about him since this morning, your mind fully occupied with the exciting work you've been doing with Andres. But now he's right here in front of you, staring at you as if you were a ghost.

"Uh, sorry", he says, licking his lips and you are dimly aware of his daemon sitting on his shoulder, completely still, her tongue darting out every few seconds.

Somehow you manage to clear your throat and smile at him. "You're Isak, right?"

Talia growls and you inwardly roll your eyes. _Great, now he thinks you're stalking him._ Isak frowns but nods slowly.

"Yes, how ... uh … do I know you?"

"Not yet, but I believe we both started working here today", you tell him and push a strand of hair behind your ear. Isak's eyes open wide and a thin smile curves his lips. They're perfect, and you can't help but wonder what it would be like to kiss them.

"Oh?" Isak says slowly.

You stretch out your hand to him and try not to stare into his eyes. "I'm Even. I started as Andres' new assistant cutter." You're about to add _"and you're the new intern, right?"_ but catch yourself at the last second. "And you?"

Isak squares his shoulders and shakes your hand, smiling hesitantly. "Isak, but you already know that."

 

He holds himself upright, and you can almost see the muscles of his upper arms flex. Despite his rather small frame, it's easy to tell he's strong. His hands come up to adjust the straps of his backpack and you admire his long, slender fingers, wishing you could touch them.

Isak clears his throat and you look up at his face again. "Uh, I'm just a part-time PA, I'm still studying." He fidgets with the straps of his hoodie and you are fighting a chuckle bubbling up in your throat. _He's so adorable._

"Cool. What is your major?" you ask as you both start walking down the stairs.

Isak zips up his jacket and shrugs slightly. "Uh, biochemistry at UIO."

You can't hide your surprise. "Wow, okay. What brings a biochemist to a film studio?" Isak chuckles shortly and shrugs again.

"I have a friend whose brother works here and he said they usually hire students as interns." He shrugs slightly. "And since I need to pay rent I figured I might as well take the job."

You nod and open the front door for him. "As good a job as any eh?" you say with a chuckle, and Isak laughs with you. You walk to the tram stop together. Talia keeps looking up at Isak's daemon, who herself is eyeing Talia curiously. You try not to pay attention to them, and ask Isak about his first day.

 

You learn that it was much more stressful than yours. In the morning, Isak followed Erik's assistant Annina around the set of his current project. "It's somewhere over on Løkka, in one of those very old houses, and this one actress is convinced the thing is haunted", he tells you and rolls his eyes.

"You don't believe in ghosts?" you ask, raising your eyebrows at him.

Isak scoffs. "No?"

 _So he's a realist_ you think. _Interesting_. You consider challenging his opinion, but a warning grumble from Talia stops you. _Right. Don't be weird._

"Me neither", you say, looking at him encouragingly, expecting him to go on.

"Well, anyway, Annina constantly sent me running to get water or food for that … woman and by lunch time I felt like a damn waiter."

Isak laughs and you pat his shoulder, frowning when he withdraws almost immediately. _Ouch._ Still, you pretend you didn't notice.

"Well, at least you know where to get water and food if you're hungry on set", you tell him, and Isak scoffs again.

"Yeah right", Isak laughs shortly and crosses his arms in front of his chest.

 

You've arrived at the tram stop, and Isak's daemon is now sitting on his lower arm, still looking intently at Talia. Your daemon is slowly wagging her tail and you can tell she's trying to appear calm – and having about as much trouble as you.

Bouncing up and down on your heels, you try to think of something to say. But then Isak suddenly looks up into your eyes. "So will you be working here every day?"

"Uh, yes," you tell him, smiling broadly. "I started a full-time job, and so far, Andres hasn't fired me, so yes, you will see me here every day." You watch Isak's daemon scurry back and forth on his arm, and Talia is standing between you and Isak now, fixating his daemon with a fascinated stare, her ears twitching excitedly.

Isak smiles back hesitatingly. "Well, I will only be here on Mondays when Annina has to join Erik in meetings."

"Oh, okay." You feel your heart sink a little, but you shrug it off. _One day a week is better than none._ "Do you want to have lunch together next Monday then?" you ask him, and Isak stares at you so blankly you're afraid he's going to say no.

"Uh, sure, if Annina lets me take my lunch break at the same time as you?" he chuckles again and strokes his daemon's head with his index finger.

You laugh and automatically reach out to touch Talia as well. "You can come get me when she lets you off her leash. Andres says I can go to lunch whenever I want."

Isak nods slowly and then the tram arrives. "Oh, this is mine," he says, looking at you expectantly.

"Uh, I can take this one as well," you reply and the relieved look on Isak's face makes your heart flutter in your chest. _Gosh, why are you so cute?_

You sit down in the tram and Talia hops up onto the seat next to you. Wrapping your arm around her, you point to her head with your chin. "This is Talia, by the way."

Isak plucks his daemon from his arm and gently sets her down on his palm, holding it out. "Hi Talia. This is Salome." His daemon nods at you and Talia, and you could swear she's smiling.

"Hello," Salome says quietly, her voice sounding deeper than you would have expected.

Talia nods at her, clearing her throat. "Hi Salome."

"Excuse my daemon, Talia is not very outspoken." you say and gently fondle the fur between her ears. Talia scoffs and looks at Salome and Isak. "Only because I can barely get a word in edgewise."

Isak chuckles and nudges Salome's head with his nose. She's sitting on his shoulder again now and pipes up: "Lucky you. I almost have to do the talking for Isak sometimes."

His cheeks flush bright red as Isak protests. "Not fair, Sal, not fair."

But you only laugh and change the subject.

 

"So where exactly do you live?" you ask Isak and run a hand through Talia's fur.

Clearing his throat, Isak sits up straighter and looks at you again. "Sagene, and you?"

"Sentrum, close to the harbour," you tell him and Isak grins broadly.

"Awesome, at least in summer," and then he freaking winks at you. _Is he flirting with me?_

Your heartbeat speeds up and you notice Talia shuddering slightly next to you. "Yeah, I like taking morning walks there." You hesitate for a second before you add: "You should join me some time."

 

Isak laughs nervously and looks at his shoes. _Shit, now you've ruined it._ But then, Isak looks up at you with a hesitant but sweet smile. "Sure, I could do that."

You're about to say something really stupid like _"Fuck, you're cute"_ but Talia presses her wet nose into your neck to stop you. You jump and look out the window.

"Uh, this is my stop," you say and both you and Talia get up. You want to put a hand on Isak's shoulder, but then you remember his reaction the first time you touched him and think better of it. "See you next week then?" 

Isak nods and moves to stretch out his hand to you but then pulls it back. "Yes, see you next Monday."

 

On your way out, you turn around and look back at him, smiling like a fool. Isak waves at you, still grinning, and then you're outside again. As the tram leaves, you take a few deep breaths and sit down on the bench. Talia sits down next to you and puts her head in your lap.

"Wow, that was …," she begins but just sighs instead of finishing her sentence. But you understand her anyway.

"Yup, definitely." You squat down next to Talia, put an arm around her and bury your face in her fur. "Do you think he likes me?"

Talia sighs again and rests her head on your shoulder. "I think he does, but then again … He didn't want you to touch him … I could tell, his daemon almost hissed at me."

 

"Maybe he's just shy?" you offer and Talia moves her head back to look at you.

"I hope you're right," she tells you and nudges your shoulder with her nose. "Because I like how he makes you feel."

You nod slowly and get back to your feet when you see the tram to Sentrum approaching. Neither you nor Talia talk much on the tram ride home. You just sit in silence while your hands take turns running through your hair and through Talia's fur. _Fuck, I really like this guy._

You think about how Isak smiled at you when commenting on you living in Sentrum, and it makes your heart skip a beat again. _He has the most beautiful smile._ And there was something there in that smile. You can just tell.

 

From the tram stop it takes you only about five minutes to get home. You find your mother in the kitchen, making spaghetti. "Sorry, I only got home ten minutes ago, I hope you're not too hungry," she says and pulls you into a hug. Her daemon Petter is fluttering all around the kitchen, chirping happily. He's a humming bird, and unless your mother's asleep, he hardly ever stays still.

"It's okay mum, I had a good lunch," you tell her and laugh as Petter sits down on your shoulder for a second, before flying off again.

"How was your first day?" he asks and both you and Talia let out a sigh.

"It was awesome! My boss Andres is really cool and he seems to like what I'm doing." As you say it, you start waking up from the trance you'd been in ever since leaving Isak on the tram. "I really like that job, mum," you add joyfully, meaning every word. Your mother reaches up to touch your cheek. Her bright smile warms you up from the inside.

 

"I'm not surprised that you're good at it," she says and the pride in her voice makes you blush a little. And suddenly, your mood drops.

"What if I mess up again though?" you say quietly, but your mother is not having it.

"Even, you're not going to mess up anything. You may have some bad days, but Erik knows about that and he's not going to judge you."

 

You purse your lips. "I don't want to be treated like a special needs case, mum."

"Darling, it's like I always told you: You were born with an extra portion of love and kindness in your heart, and an overdose of creativity in your brain. And sometimes, your creative brain goes into overdrive and then needs some downtime to recover. There is no shame in that." She cradles your face between her palms, making sure you're looking at her.

"You are my son and I will always love you exactly the way you are. And damn everyone who can't do the same."

 

Somehow, your mother always manages to cheer you up in moments like this. You put your arms around her, hugging her tightly. "Thanks, mum."

You look down to see Petter sitting on Talia's paw, his tiny head leaned against her leg. And just like you, Talia relaxes immediately.

"I'll set the table okay?" you say and move your head back to look at your mother. She smiles proudly and kisses your cheek.

"Yes please." She turns back to the stove and frowns. "And I'll finish dinner, if I can find the salt, that is."


	2. Denial and fail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak is trying to figure out what meeting Even meant to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is from Isak's point of view. Keep in mind that Salome is a part of Isak, so she shares his fears and feelings. However, as his soul, she is a bit more hopeful and much more open to him having feelings for Even than Isak's head would admit. This makes for some interesting exchange between them.

The rest of your way home is a blur. Neither you nor Salome say a word until you open the door to the apartment you share with Eskild, Noora and Linn.

"Hello?" you say quietly and sigh with relief when no one replies. You kick off your shoes in the hallway and go to your room. Sitting down on your bed, you let Salome step onto your palm and hold her up in front of your face. She's looking at you with a mixture of exasperation and excitement, apparently searching for words.

"Well, that was … interesting," she says finally, trying to sound unimpressed.

You scoff at her, making a face. "What are you talking about?"

Salome snorts and digs her tiny claws into your middle finger, making you wince.

"Ouch, Sal!"

"You know exactly what I mean," she says indignantly, glaring at you. With a sigh, you lie down on the mattress and Salome scurries off your hand onto your stomach until she's standing on your chest, right over your heart, her eyes still glued to yours.

Finally, you give up. "All right, yes! I know what you mean," you concede, reaching behind you for a pillow and stuffing it under your neck. Salome sighs and curls up on your chest.

"His daemon stared at me the whole time, and it was … scary, but I wasn't afraid, you know?" she says, almost to herself.

You nod slowly and then look up at the ceiling, biting your lower lip. "Yeah, it was weird." Suddenly, Salome's face is hovering right above your nose. You yelp and jerk your head back, almost throwing her off. "Sal, what the heck?"

But Salome continues to stare at you angrily. "Why were you so rude?" she asks.

You blink back slowly. "I wasn't rude," you protest, but Salome isn't having it. She's fixating you with an angry glare. You know that look, and you don’t like what your daemon is implying with it.

"Well, you weren't particularly nice, either," she scolds, and you almost expect smoke to come out of her nostrils. As you sit up and adjust the pillow behind your back, Salome jumps onto the mattress without taking her eyes off you.

"Sal, what was I supposed to say? I just met the guy!" You throw up your hands and raise your eyebrows at her. But Salome shakes her head.

"Do I have to remind you that your heart stopped beating when you saw him in the cafeteria?" You deflate, dropping your hands and looking down at your thighs. Salome jumps up onto your legs and slowly steps into your view. Her expression is almost soft now, and you hold out your hand for her. She steps onto it and you lift her up until her head is brushing your chin.

Looking at the opposite wall, you whisper: "So what if I like him? It's not like he's into … well … " Your voice falters, but Salome understands.

"You don't know that." She traces your jawbone with her head and then jumps up onto your shoulder. "Talia was staring at me the entire time on the tram." You pull up your knees and smile weakly.

"That doesn't mean anything Sal," you begin, but Salome shushes you.

"Talia was not just curious, if that's what you were going to say. I don't know what it is, but something in her stare was definitely more than curiosity, and you know that Talia only feels what Even feels."

Hearing his name makes your breath catch. "Even," you repeat, tasting the name on your tongue, and your mind wanders back to the conversation on the tram. You remember Even asking where you live and that he said he lives close to the harbour, where he likes to take walks. But mostly, you remember Even's bright blue eyes and the sparkle in them when you said you might join him for a walk one day. You also remember the shape of his full, slightly chapped lips, and the memory makes you touch your own.

You freeze when you notice Salome staring at you. She's sitting on your knees and nods slowly. "Stop looking at me like that, Sal." You want to yell at her but you sound weak and almost automatically, you reach out your hand for Salome to climb up your arm.

"Why are you fighting how you feel?" she whispers in your ear, and you bury your face in your hands.

"You know why, Sal," you say quietly, feeling miserable. Salome sighs and leans her head against your neck.

"Maybe it’s not as bad as you think?” she says and you almost laugh.

"You heard Magnus joke about ‘fags’, just last Friday." You feel your heart sink just remembering it. “He talked about how ‘you know a guy is gay when he can’t stop staring at every guy in the room’ and such, he would have a field day with me if he knew!” Salome shakes herself.

“You’re right, that was horrible.”You nod wordlessly and swallow down the dry lump threatening to rise in your throat. Your daemon is about to say something else, when there is a knock on your door, making you jump. How did you not notice someone coming home?

"What is it?" you call, sitting up straight. Noora opens the door, her daemon – a jaguar named Agbara – peeking at you from behind her legs. "Isak, do you want to join Eskild and me for dinner?" she asks with a kind smile.

 You smile back hesitatingly. It's a mystery to you why, but Noora seems to care about you like a mother would about her child. It makes you blush a little, but you think that listening to her and Eskild's chatter will take your mind off Even.

"Yeah, why not," you say and get up from your bed. You notice that Agbara is watching Salome intently, as if he were trying to find out what she is thinking. "What did you make?" you ask Noora, to distract her from looking at you like she's trying to figure out what you're thinking. She and Agbara have a way of making you feel like you’re a 5-year old who just got caught stealing candy.

"Tortilla," Noora says and leads the way to the living room. Eskild is setting the table, his daemon Leila dancing around him excitedly. Noora disappears into the kitchen and Eskild looks up at you with a bright smile.

"Isak, my dear, how was your first day?" he asks and Leila – a springbok – jumps towards you, an expectant look on her face.

"It was okay, Eskild," you say with a smirk. Your roommate raises an eyebrow and Leila scoffs quietly.

"Oh, oh," Eskild says and sets down the last glass. "Tell me everything." You both sit down across from each other as Noora carries in a big frying pan. It smells delicious, as usual when Noora cooks. She spent 3 years living in Spain, where she worked as an au-pair, and apparently she learned to cook like a five star chef there.

"Ah, Noora, you're spoiling us," Eskild coos and puckers his lips. Noora smiles and leans down to let him kiss her cheek, and you chuckle at the sight of them. Your friends often joke that Noora and Eskild are like your parents, and in moments like these, you can't help but to agree with them. Eskild is gay and brings home a different guy almost every other day, but when it comes to you, he's as protective as if he really was your father. And Noora makes sure you eat at least one decent meal a week, lecturing you about the importance of eating right every chance she gets.

They're both quirky as hell in their own different ways and sometimes they can be a bit intrusive, but you are glad they took you in when things went to hell back home.

Noora puts a full plate in front of you, smiling encouragingly. "So, how was your first day?" she repeats Eskild's question, sitting down next to you. Agbara curls up around her feet, giving Salome a warm look. Your daemon lies down on your shoulder, leaning her head against your neck again, and you feel yourself relax.

"It was really good. A lot of running around on a movie set, but I like it," you say, looking from Noora to Eskild, trying to smile confidently. "Did you meet anyone interesting?" Eskild asks and you feel Salome's claws digging into your shoulder. _How does he know?_ you wonder, swallowing hard.

But when you see Noora's knowing expression, you give up trying to pretend. "Yes, actually, I did," you say quietly, and load a piece of Tortilla onto your fork. Looking up into Eskild's face, you almost stop chewing. He's staring at you as if he'd just seen a ghost.

"Who did you meet, Isak?" Noora asks with a gentle smile. But there is no way you are telling them about Even, not when Eskild is staring at you like a proud father who's son is in love for the first time. It freaks you out how both he and Noora seem to be able to read you like a book sometimes. So you clear your throat and take another bite of Noora's delicious Tortilla.

"Well, I met Annina, the boss's assistant, and her daemon Felix, a cute little mouse." You look down at Noora's daemon, winking at him. "You would love him, Agbara. He's even more eloquent than you." Noora chuckles and leans down to pet Agbara's head.

"Is everyone nice to you?" she wants to know and you smile at her, ignoring Eskild's inquiring stare.

"Yes, they are. Annika is sort of my boss, but she's cool. There is this one actress who is a bit of a pain, but she's not too bad." You spend the rest of the meal telling Noora and Eskild some more about your first day, chattering away about all the minor details. You leave out the part about meeting Even of course, distracting them from asking you more questions.

After dinner, you help Noora with the dishes. She tells you that her ex-boyfriend tried to call her and asks you if you think she should call him back.

"How should I know, Noora?" you tell her, trying to smile gently. You have never liked the way William treated Noora. His daemon – a peacock called "Justus" - such a pretentious name - always made Salome snort dismissively with his conceited behaviour. And William seemed to take Noora's affection for granted, no matter how badly he treated her.

"I just think that you deserve better," you add quietly, touching Noora's shoulder. She smiles gratefully at you and leans her head against your upper arm as Agbara purrs softly.

"You're too kind to me, Isak." You feel yourself blush, and Salome giggles quietly, hiding her face in your neck.

"I'm just honest, Noora." She nods slowly and gives you a knowing look.

"Just … be kind to yourself as well sometimes, please."

You think about her words when you're back in your room, wondering what she means. "Do you think she knows about ... me?" you ask Salome, who is pacing back and forth on your bed while you take off your jeans and pull on a pair of sweatpants. Salome scowls and scoffs dismissively.

"I hate to break it to you, but I doubt Eskild kept the story of how he found you to himself." Your heartbeat speeds up and you feel the colour drain from your face. Most of the time, you try not to think about the night you ran from home.

"Shit!" You bury your face in your hands and plop down on your bed with a deep sigh. Salome climbs up along your arm and curls up on your shoulder.

"I don't understand why you don't just tell them?" she murmurs. "Are you kidding, Sal? If I tell them, Eskild will paint my face and make me go to Gay Pride wearing a tutu and a pink bra!" Salome giggles, obviously imagining you in the outfit you just described. "It's not funny, Sal! I'm not gay," you burst out, yelling louder than you intend.

Your daemon smiles gently at you, inclining her head. "At least … not like … that," you add quietly.

You expect Salome to contradict you, to make you eat your words. But instead, she just nods slowly and jumps down onto the mattress while you pull your blanket over your legs and reach for your laptop. Salome remains quiet while you try to focus on "Lethal Weapon", but you give up after merely twenty minutes. Your thoughts keep wandering back to Even.

"I think I should sleep, tomorrow could be stressful," you tell Salome, who nods quietly.

"Yep, Tuesdays are usually long," she agrees. You fluff up your pillow and turn off the light, lying down next to Salome. Falling asleep takes you longer than usual. The second you close your eyes, you see Even's face in front of you again. You try to fight it, but it's no use. And before you know it, you're back on the tram, sitting across from Even and Talia.

_"Alright, this is my stop," Even says and gets up from his seat, and Talia follows him to the door. "Wait a second," you call after him and Even stops, turning back around with a frown on his face. You get to your feet with shaking knees and try to smile confidently. Even smiles back and is about to ask you something. But before he can open his mouth, you put a hand into his neck and press your lips to his. Even gasps with surprise but his hands find your waist and he pulls you closer. You wrap your other arm around his shoulder, standing on your toes, still kissing Even as if your life depended on it. He parts your lips with his tongue, making you moan into his mouth. Suddenly you're very glad Even's hands are on your waist, keeping you on your feet. And as if he were reading your mind, Even wraps his arms around you, almost lifting you off the ground. You start to feel dizzy and hold on to Even's shoulders as his tongue dances with yours, making you forget everything you ever knew._

With a start, you sit up in your bed, panting heavily. Trying hard to slow your breathing, you are dimly aware of Salome climbing up onto your leg. You reach out your hand and she steps onto your palm, letting you lift her up. Holding her in front of your face, you pull a grimace and close your eyes. "Say it, Sal."

Your daemon lets out a quiet chuckle and nudges your nose with her head.

"Not gay my ass, Isak Valtersen."

 

During the next few days, you start feeling more and more like an idiot. Every time a tall guy with blond hair crosses your path on campus, your heart stops and you forget to breathe for a few seconds. By lunch-time on Thursday, Salome is thoroughly pissed off.

"Can't you just call him or something?" she grumbles in your ear while you look for an empty table in the cafeteria – as far away as possible from that blonde guy you bumped into at the door who looks so much like Even you almost called his name.

"I don't have his number," you mutter under your breath and sit down at a table in the back of the cafeteria.

"Right," Salome groans and crawls down from your shoulder onto the table. "Then go to the office after class." The bite you have just taken from your sandwich almost get stuck in your throat.

"What?" Salome flicks her tongue at you and you could swear her expression is challenging. "Sal, have you lost your mind?" Your daemon shakes her head.

"Nope, just saying what you're thinking." She's right of course. You have spent the entire morning trying to make up an excuse to go to the office and look for Even, just to talk to him of course. You have no idea what you would say, but you do know that you can't wait until next Monday to see him again.

"Stop it, Sal, you know I can't do that," you murmur quietly and stroke her head. Salome nods slowly, looking up at you with a knowing smile.

"Well, you have to do something, this angst is driving me crazy. Plus, if you don't sleep, I don't sleep, and you know I hate that." Before you can reply, Jonas, Mahdi and Magnus arrive at the table and sit down, chattering excitedly about some party supposedly going down on Friday.

"I'm telling you guys, those hot girls from my English seminar are bound to show up there," Mahdi says and nods at his daemon. "Right, Roya?" Roya – a meerkat – scowls from where she’s perched on his lap.

"You're speculating, Mahdi." But Magnus looks intrigued.

"Awe you fure?" he mumbles with a full mouth. His daemon – a ferret named Sirina – is wrapped around his shoulders and peeks at Mahdi suspiciously, as if she were sure Mahdi is just trying to pull everyone's leg. It wouldn't be the first time.

Jonas chuckles quietly and pats your arm, giving you an inquiring look. "Isak, are you alright?" You turn to him and try to grin.

"Yeah, I'm good thanks. You?" Jonas and his daemon are both eyeing you suspiciously. Maria is a raven and somehow, her stare is even more uncomfortable than Jonas'. It doesn't help that she's sitting on his shoulder, so her eyes are on a level with Jonas', making you feel like you're under a double X-ray.

"I'm fine too. Do you like your new job?" Jonas asks and you shrug, taking a bite of your sandwich.

"It's just a job, but it's okay I guess." Maria studies Salome so carefully you're worried your daemon will start shivering any second. You pick her up and put her on your knee so she's out of Maria's line of sight, trying not to look at Jonas.

Magnus then remembers that you just started working at a movie studio and stares at you with big eyes. "Have you met any hot actresses yet?" he wants to know, making you, Jonas and Mahdi scowl at him.

"Mags, even if I did, I wouldn't be allowed to tell you", you say and laugh in his face. Sirina hides under Magnus' arm as if she were embarrassed for him, and you can't blame her.

"Okay, any other hot chicks then?" Magnus asks and this time, Mahdi punches his arm lightly and Roya grumbles, looking annoyed.

"Dude, you are way too desperate", Mahdi murmurs, stroking Roya's back. Magnus stares at the three of you with a broad grin.

"Maybe, but you can't tell me that you don’t want to go to that party tomorrow. We're bound to find some chicks to hook up with." You sigh deeply and finish your sandwich with a few big bites. Somehow you're going to have to find a way to stop Magnus from talking about girls every time the four of you are together. Otherwise one of your friends is bound to realize that you're not just annoyed at Magnus but actually just not interested in girls at all.

"Mags, we're definitely going to that party, so you can stop trying to convince us", Jonas finally says and Magnus nods enthusiastically. "Awesome." After lunch, the four of you split up again to go to your different classes. You agree to meet them at the coffee shop close to the university after, as you all have class until four o'clock.

Your afternoon class is boring, at least as far as you can tell. You spend most of it doodling instead of taking notes. Salome sits on your shoulder and seems lost in thought, just like you. At four, you wander off campus and go to the tram stop, completely forgetting to go to the coffee shop as you had agreed with the boys.

You're playing a game on your phone when the tram arrives, and that's why you don't notice the person standing in front you. Sal is licking your neck desperately but you swat at her gently with your eyes still glued to Candy Crush. You step forward to grasp the pole and bump right into a tall blond someone.. You look up and almost forget to breathe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter is so short!! I had to find an interesting ending, and since it is mostly dialogue and not much else happening, I didn't want to bore you guys for too long .. let me know what you think? What do you think will happen next?


	3. Harbour talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I was going to go for a walk at the harbour, would you join me?", you ask him, trying to sound as casual as possible. Talia holds her breath and you watch Isak's smile fade. He blushes slightly but then he clears his throat and nods.  
> "Uh sure", he says, his voice suddenly shaky, and you wonder how this man can go from confidently flirting with you to a shy mess in seconds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, first off: I have to explain something about Dust: Dust is something I would describe as “the breath of life” in the Golden Compass Universe. You can’t see it, but it can be measured, kind of like soundwaves. It gives life to daemons and connects them with their humans - for instance, the fact that humans and their daemons can never be far apart is due to Dust: there is sort of a Dust-bridge between every human and their daemon, which only stretches across a short distance. Please ask if this explanation isn’t clear ...  
> Also, a big shoutout to my editing team: Megan, Isi and Amber, you girls rock! And Dora, without you, Emma's daemon still wouldn't have a name (although I will only reveal it in the next chapter). Thank you girls, I am so grateful for your help!

The look on Isak's face is priceless. Eyes wide like a startled baby deer and his cheeks flushed a delicate pink, you press your lips together to hide the laugh that plays there and instead you just say:

"Hi", and try to smile casually, as if meeting Isak was a perfectly normal coincidence and not the result of your careful planning.

 

Isak swallows hard and clears his throat. "Hi", he croaks and smiles at you hesitantly. He's wearing the red snapback again and an olive green jacket that compliments his bright green eyes. _So fucking gorgeous._

You notice Salome sitting on Isak's shoulder, staring at Talia, who is looking back with barely concealed curiosity. Chuckling slightly, you raise your eyebrows at Isak and square your shoulders.

"Are you heading home?"

You expect him to nod or shake his head, but Isak's eyes open wide and he slaps his palm to his forehead. "Fuck!"

 

You can’t stop yourself from grinning when you say: "You must really hate where you live."

Isak shakes his head vigorously. "Oh no, it's just ... " he hesitates for a second, eyeing you warily. "Never mind." He chuckles quietly and when he looks up at you, the smile on his face makes your heart skip a beat. "What about you? Got off work early?"

The question catches you off guard. You clear your throat and nod. "Uh, yeah", you say and notice Talia leaning against your legs as if to steady herself. "Andres and I didn't get as many scenes as planned today, so we'll continue working tomorrow."

 

Isak raises an eyebrow at you. "Because that fussy actress kept messing up takes all week?"

You frown at him. "What? No, of course not", you say and immediately launch into a rant about how film productions work. It takes a full minute and Isak's slight smile turning into a full on grin to make you realize he was pulling your leg.

"You're fucking with me", you tell him with a blank stare. Isak nods and winks at you, forcing you to hold on to the pole you're leaning against because you suddenly feel dizzy. _Shit, now he's definitely flirting with me._

"Sorry", Isak says with an expression that says otherwise. You hold his gaze for a few moments your heart thrumming against your ribs and then decide you can't risk him getting off and taking the tram home. But luckily, you have a plan in place.

 

"I was going to go for a walk at the harbour, would you join me?", you ask him, trying to sound as casual as possible. Talia holds her breath and you watch Isak's smile fade. He blushes slightly but then he clears his throat and nods.

"Uh sure", he says, his voice suddenly shaky, and you wonder how this man can go from confidently flirting with you to a shy mess in seconds. _So cute._

"Cool", you say and lead the way to the tram door. "I think the bus to the harbour is just about to arrive, come on". Isak nods curtly and follows you out of the tram.

A minute later, you're on the bus, and you are trying to think of what you could do to make sure Isak doesn't regret coming with you. And when you spot a little girl with an ice cream cone sitting close-by, your plan is set.

 

You smile confidently at Isak and kneel down to put your arm around Talia. Isak plucks Salome of his shoulder and sits down across from you, caressing his daemon's back. "I haven't been there in a while, but there’s this awesome ice-cream parlour on the promenade, and I think it just opened again after the winter break. What do you think?"

Isak raises both eyebrows at you with a knowing look, and you almost bite your tongue. _Fuck, Even, go ahead and tell him you planned all this, why don't you?_

But Isak doesn't call you out. He just grins slightly and sets Salome down on his knee. "Ice-cream in March? Really?"

You shrug, trying to grin casually. "It's warm enough out, isn't it?" _You're talking about the fucking weather, Even! Smooth, really smooth._

 

Ignoring Talia's little snort, you straighten up and then sit down in a chair opposite Isak. "I like it because they make the ice-cream themselves, so it's none of that processed, chemical bullshit you usually get", you explain and Isak nods appreciatively.

"Sounds good", he says and then his bright smile is back. He’s watching you curiously, which makes the hairs in the back of your neck stand up.

"What?", you ask him, and Isak adjust his snapback before answering.

"You're the first person I met who cares so much about hand-made ice-cream", he tells you, running his tongue along his upper lip.

"Well, you should taste Mario's ice-cream, you will realize why I care!" you say defensively and push the sleeves of your jacket up to your elbows, suddenly feeling warm. "It's ten times better than anything you buy at a supermarket."

 

Isak nods again, a cheeky grin on his face. "Sure, if you know the guy by his first name, you must be right." Salome is walking back and forth on Isak's leg, seeming rather nervous. When Isak notices you staring at her, he picks her up and sets her down on his shoulder.

Talia watches him carefully and you pet her behind her ears to calm her down. She's shaking slightly, and you try to ignore what that means. _Just be cool, Even, be cool._

 

By the time the bus arrives at the final stop, you have started interrogating Isak about his taste in music. "I used to listen to NWA a lot, but lately I've started listening to some other 90s rappers, such as NAS and the Notorious B.I.G", he tells you and your heart skips a beat again. Talia nudges your leg excitedly, and you pat her head, as if to say: _I know, right?_

"You like NAS?", you ask him, almost not daring to believe you heard right. Isak frowns and you explain: "NAS was my hero back in my high school days."

Isak nods slowly, looking impressed. "Well, he would have been mine too if I'd gotten to know him earlier I guess."

"What's your favourite NAS album?" You just have to know. Talia is holding her breath while waiting for Isak to answer, and you gently stroke her head to distract her – and yourself-  a bit.

Isak bites his lower lip and then looks at you with a thoughtful expression. "Well, all his stuff is pretty awesome, but 'Illmatic' must be one of the best rap albums ever made."

 _Marry me_. "I can't believe it." You laugh.

"What?" Isak asks, laughing with you but still with a wary look in his eyes as if he's not sure whether or not you're mocking him.

 

"Illmatic IS one of the best rap albums ever made, you got that right", you tell him and reach out to pat his back. This time, he doesn't withdraw but just smiles at you with what you think is relief.

"What about movies?" you go on, and that is the beginning of a rather heated but still amusing discussion about what makes movies great. Isak seems to think the more action scenes a movie has, the better it is. You are shocked. "Isak, blowing up stuff is easy! Developing a plot with dialogue and cinematography is not, and it makes for so much more interesting storylines!" you tell him, but Isak just shrugs.

"Eh, I always get bored when a dialogue lasts for too long", he replies and winks at you challengingly. Feeling encouraged, you lean forward and shake your head, staring straight into Isak's bright green eyes.

"No, Isak, well-written dialogue can never be boring! And on top of that, if you get a creative and boundary pushing director like Baz Luhrmann....Man! Fucking magic!"

But before you can start a long speech about the genius of Baz Luhrmann, you arrive at Mario's ice cream parlour. You open the door for Isak and follow him inside, calling "Hei Mario", to the the short and bald Italian man standing behind the counter.

 

"Ciao Even, where have you been? I opened a week ago already!", Mario yells with his thick Italian accent, making you laugh. His daemon, a fat little pug, runs out from behind the counter and stands still in front of Talia, wagging her tail excitedly. Talia looks down at her fondly while only slightly moving her own tail.

"Mario, I just started a new job, remember?" you tell him, but Mario just shrugs and comes around the counter to greet you.

"All the more reason! My ice cream would have boosted your luck!" He then notices Isak, who is standing next to you, looking a little lost.

"I see you are bringing me a new customer?" Mario booms, patting Isak's shoulder with one hand while holding out the other. "Ciao, I am Mario, and I make the best ice cream in all of Oslo!"

Isak gives a nervous chuckle, but shakes Mario's hand politely. "So I'm told", he murmurs. “Hello, I am Isak.”  Mario laughs out loud and pats Isak’s shoulder.

"Good to meet you, Isak! And Even, I should hire you as my … how do you say? … advertising expert or something", he says and puts an arm around you now, his daemon running in circles around all of you.

 

"I will keep that in mind if they fire me at Karlsson's, Mario, thanks", you tell him, and Mario sniggers. Walking back behind the counter, he rubs his hands together and looks expectantly at you and Isak.

"So, what can I get you today, gentlemen?" he asks, grabbing a spoon from a bucket next to him.

You put a hand on Isak's shoulder and guide him closer to the counter. Both him and Salome stare at the many big tubs filled to the brim with ice cream, looking rather overwhelmed. "If I were you, I'd pick one of the craziest-sounding flavours, they're the best!", you tell him, squeezing his shoulder. Isak frowns at you and then looks at the tags next to the tubs.

They say things like "Peppermint-chocolate", "Pineapple-ginger", "Grapefruit-pepper" and "Chocolate-chili." With every tag Isak reads, his eyes open wider, and finally he stares at you mouthing: _"Are you freaking kidding me?"_

You can’t stop yourself from throwing your head back to laugh before looking back up at Mario and pointing to three tubs. "I'll have a cone with vanilla-rosewater, cherry-cinnamon and grapefruit-pepper." Mario nods, grabs an ice-cream cone from the counter and starts preparing your order, quietly murmuring to himself.

 

"And for my friend Isak here", you go on, making Isak's mouth fall open in mild shock. You interrupt yourself and raise an eyebrow at him. "Do you want your ice cream in a cone or in a cup?"

Isak closes his mouth and shrugs. "Uh, in a cup is fine." You nod and Mario puts your finished cone into a holder on top of the counter and reaches for a cup, smiling to himself.

"Okay, I think you'll be comfortable with a well-known flavour, how about … you pause for a second, scanning the tub labels. "Amaretto …. Strawberry-apple and good old-fashioned Stracciatella, what do you think?"

You turn to find Isak grinning at you. He nods approvingly and then turns to Mario. "How much for all of this?"

But Mario shakes his head. "Even's first order of the year is always on the house", he informs Isak and you beam at Mario, taking your cone from the counter.

"Awesome, Mario, thanks so much!"

 

Mario bows his head and then hands Isak his cup together with a small plastic spoon. "Have a great afternoon guys! Arrivederci!" he calls after you and both you and Isak wave at him, calling your good-byes, and then you're out on the promenade again.

"Is he always like that?" Isak asks as soon as the door has fallen shut behind you. You nod at him and start licking your ice-cream. It's delicious, as always.

"Mario treats all his customers like family", you say, but Isak doesn't seem convinced. He plucks Salome off his shoulder and sets her down on his arm which is holding the ice-cream cup so she can sniff at it. "I doubt all his customers get their first order of every year for free." He raises an eyebrow at you in a challenging gesture.

"Okay, maybe he likes me a tiny bit more than others", you concede, feeling your cheeks heat up. _What the fuck_. This time, Talia's snort makes both you and Isak turn around.

 

"You tell all your friends and sometimes even strangers to go to Mario's every chance you get, no wonder he loves you", Talia says, her head cocked to the side.

Isak points a finger at her with a knowing gesture. "Thanks for clearing that up", he says and Talia gives him a small nod.

"Alright alright", you say and point to a bench overlooking the promenade. "Should we sit down?"

For a few moments you both sit in contented silence, savouring the flavours. Looking over at Isak, you’re glad to notice he nods approvingly after tasting each of the three kinds.

“Okay, I might come back here again”, he says when he catches you watching him, and you just shrug with a wide grin.

“I told you, Mario’s the best.”

Eventually you swap smalltalk, about school, your families and your friends. You learn that Isak lives with three roommates, Noora, Eskild and Linn, and it’s clear that Isak is fond of them despite the fact that he finds a lot of things to complain about. "Noora often acts like my mom, you know? She likes to make sure I eat enough and sometimes comes into my room just to ask when I did laundry for the last time."

You laugh at that. "She thinks you don’t' do that enough then?" you ask and run a hand through Talia's fur. She's sitting next to you on the bench and Salome is basking in the sun on Isak's knee.

"Well … She's kind of right", Isak admits and bites his lower lip. "I suck at laundry."

Again, you both laugh and you shake your head. "Well, I still live with my actual mom, and she would probably hit me if I ever forgot to do my laundry", you tell him.

 

Isak goes on to tell you about his roommate Eskild, who works as a bartender and apparently hardly ever sleeps at home, and when he does, he’s never alone.

You whistle through your teeth, expecting some anecdotes, but Isak doesn't laugh. Instead, he chuckles awkwardly in a way that makes Talia’s ears twitch curiously. But before you can consider asking Isak about it, he takes a deep breath and says:

“And then there’s Linn, but I hardly ever see her much. She usually sleeps most of the time when she's home and doesn't get often."

You nod at him, wondering what the hell it is about Eskild that makes Isak tense up like that. "So you live with a bartender, a mom-friend and a sleepy-head. With you being the grumpy misanthrope, I think you have a perfect little ensemble there."

Both of you laugh at that and Isak punches your upper arm lightly. "What about your family? They can't all be as weird as you?"

You put a hand to your chest and stare at him with a mock-offended expression. "How dare you?"

But of course, you end up telling him all about your parents. Your mother, Regina, a web-designer who can barely cook to save her life, but can beat all of your friends at your favourite video games. Your father, Oleg who teaches German and English at high school, and is a very gifted cook in comparison with your mother. He may know nothing about video games, but he loves classic movies just as much as you and never misses a chance to watch one with you.

Isak listens attentively, but you notice his expression getting sadder with every word you say.

 

You decide to change the subject, hoping to make Isak smile again. “So, what made you decide to study biochemistry?”

Isak’s face lights up and he turns towards you. “Oh, I have always been interested in science ever since I was a kid”, he says, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

“Yeah? How so?”, you ask, suddenly very glad you asked.

“Well, I remember asking my mum why we have daemons for the first time when I was only six years old. She told me we have daemons because God doesn’t want us humans to be alone.” Isak rolls his eyes at that and you can almost imagine little six year old Isak doing the same, unsatisfied with his mother’s generic answer.

“But that just didn’t make much sense, so I asked my teacher. She gave me some books on the research about Dust and how it affects daemons. I learned that daemons can speak and don’t have to eat because they form from every human’s first breath - which is pure Dust, according to my professor.”

He interrupts himself, shrugging slightly and gives you an apologetic look. “Sorry, this is boring.”

You shake your head vigorously. “No, not at all! “, you tell him, leaning forward to rest your elbows on your thighs. Your knee touches Isak’s briefly and both Talia and Salome suck in their breaths, but Isak doesn’t seem to notice. You look straight into his eyes, urging him to go on. “Tell me everything about Dust and daemons, please!”

 

The smile spreading on Isak’s face when he realizes you’re genuinely interested in what he has to say makes your heart jump in your chest. _Fuck, you’re so cute!_

He goes on to tell you how he wants to help his professor find out where the Dust in a baby’s first breath comes from and what exactly it is made of. Salome crawls up and down his arms excitedly while he talks, and you hang on his every word, fascinated by his passion for the subject. Isak’s cheeks are flushed and he talks with his hands as much as he does with his mouth, gesticulating to describe the movements of Dust in the universe and in all living beings.

You notice Talia sighing dreamily next to you, and you almost nod at her. _He’s so smart! I wish my brain worked like that._

 

Isak suddenly stops talking and sits up a little straighter, staring at something in front of him. You follow his gaze and see two women approaching your bench. Isak is staring at one of them - she’s rather tall with short, dark hair and a bright, almost manic smile - as if she were his worst fear personified.

 

Talia growls quietly just as you realize the other woman is Sonja, your ex-girlfriend. Your hand tightens in your daemon's fur and you want to ask Isak if he knows the other woman, but Sonja is already running towards you, a bright smile on her face.

"Hello Even!" she says cheerfully, and you get to your feet with a forced smile.

"Hi Sonja", you say and kiss her cheek, giving Taza - her daemon, a red-furred weasel who is wrapped around her neck- a small nod. Sonja goes in for a hug but you gently push her away. _Don't even think about it._

 

Ignoring Sonja’s offended stare, you turn around to find the other woman tightly hugging Isak, who looks very uncomfortable. He is patting her back and murmurs: "Nice to see you, Emma", but his face says otherwise. Emma's daemon – a very excited squirrel, is perched on her left shoulder, looking at Isak as if he were trying to see inside his head.

Sonja and Taza are both eyeing Isak suspiciously, while Emma just chatters away at Isak as if they had agreed to meet here.

 

"Oh my gosh, I'm so glad to see you! Where did you go after class yesterday, I was going to ask you to come to my party on Saturday! We're kind of celebrating my and Maya's birthday, since they're only two weeks apart you know?"

Isak raises his eyebrows at her and casts a sideway glance at you, as if to ask for help. You step closer to him and put a hand on his shoulder, noticing that Salome is hiding in Isak's neck. "Wait, you two know each other?", you ask, looking from Sonja to Emma, feeling mildly curious. _What are the odds?_

Emma smiles broadly at you and then at Sonja. "Wait, this is Even? _Your_ Even?" You squirm at the sound of the words 'your Even' but Sonja just nods curtly, her lips pressed into a thin line.

“Oh my gosh, that’s so crazy!” Emma gushes on, apparently oblivious to the tension in the air. As she explains that she and Sonja are in a few classes at university together, her daemon climbs down her leg and peeks around Isak’s legs and then up to his shoulder. He’s obviously looking for Salome, who is still clinging to Isak’s neck,not moving a muscle. You catch her eye and give her the tiniest of nods to make it clear you won’t expose her.

“You have to come too!” Emma almost yells at you, making Talia grumble uncomfortably.

Clearing your throat, you try to smile at her. “I have to check with my friends, they wanted to go somewhere I think.”

Emma’s eyes and mouth fall open wide and she throws a glance at Sonja who still looks annoyed and then back to you. “Oh, okay, well, you’re invited anyway since Sonja’s coming.”

You frown at her, not liking what Emma is implying at all. But Sonja shoots you a warning look, and being the nice guy you are, you shut up. “Alright, thank you”, you say and finally look at Isak’s face again. He’s frozen, staring at Emma as if she were holding him at gunpoint. For some reason, this girl was making him very uncomfortable.

 

“So, Isak and I were actually heading back to the bus stop", you say and almost chuckle when Isak gives a relieved sigh.

"Oh, us too, actually", Emma says, looking back at Sonja and reaching out her arm to her daemon, who quickly climbs up onto her shoulder.

Both Sonja and Taza frown slightly, but then Sonja nods. "Yeah, we were."

You suppress a groan and instead smile politely. "Alright then." _There goes your chance to end the evening alone with Isak._

The walk back to the bus stop is awkward. You try to walk next to Isak to talk to him, but Emma is clinging to Isak's arm, chattering away about how awesome her party is going to be. So you're basically forced to walk next to Sonja, who eyes you with a mix of anger and suspicion.

"Who is that guy?", she mutters under her breath while Taza stares disapprovingly at Talia.

"His name is Isak and we work for the same company" you say in a flat tone, trying to make it sound like that was all there was to it.

"Uhu?" Sonja says pointedly. "So you're just going to replace me with some random guy you just met?"

You make a face. "What? Sonja, we were just having ice cream? And what business is it of yours anyway?" The last sentence comes out in a hiss, and Sonja looks taken aback by it.

"Four years, Even! After four years, I think you owe me a little more respect than this. Dating GUYS only 3 weeks after we broke up?" she hisses back and swats at Taza, who looks just about ready to jump on Talia, who is walking beside you as if nothing was wrong.

"Listen, Son. I don't owe you anything, we're not together anymore okay? Even if I was dating Isak, it wouldn't be any of your business, so leave it alone!"

You try to say it kindly, but only when the last word leaves your mouth, you glance behind you and realize that Isak has heard at least a part of what you said.

_Well, FUCK._

"Can we NOT talk about this now?" you say as quietly as possible and give Sonja an angry look that makes her throw up her hands in frustration.

"Fine!", she hisses again and storms off towards the bus stop.

You follow her slowly, letting Emma and Isak catch up to you. Once you've all reached the bus stop, you turn around to look at Isak with what you hope is a confident smile.

"I'm going to walk home from here", you tell him, and his eyes open wide in accusation. _I know, believe me, I KNOW!_ you try to tell him with your eyes. "I guess I'll see you on Saturday?" you say out loud, raising your eyebrows at him.

"Oh, so you _are_  coming?" Emma pipes up excitedly, but you ignore her, still looking at Isak, who steps from one foot to the other, looking ready to run away. Emma frowns slightly but then she shrugs and turns away to join Sonja who is already sitting on one of the benches at the bus stop.

"Uh, yeah I guess I will be there", Isak says after a moment and grins weakly. You notice Salome peeking out at you from behind Isak's neck, looking stressed.

"I don't have your number", you tell him, and Isak frowns for a second. When you dig your phone out of your pocket, he glances over at Emma and Sonja, who are apparently deep in conversation, before he dictates his number to you. "Thanks", you tell him with a wink, and Isak blushes a little.

"No problem", he tells you and turns around to walk over to Emma and Sonja. You're about to leave without another word, when you notice Isak turning back around.

You almost think he's going to hug you, but he stops two steps in front of you and gives you a genuine smile that warms you up from top to bottom. "Thanks, Even."

"You're welcome, but for what?", you say quietly and look into Isak's green eyes.

He shrugs, still smiling. "This was … fun!"

Both of you laugh at that, making the girls look over for a moment. "It was. Well, with the exception of the last ten minutes", you tell him, making both Isak and Salome nod in unison.

"See you around, Even", Isak says to the floor, a soft smile tugging briefly at his cheeks _._

You wave back at him, unable to stop grinning. "See you, Isak."

You look after him until he reaches the girls. He doesn't sit down on the bench however, but looks back at you one more time with an unreadable expression. But he does smile when he sees you looking back.

"That wasn't half bad", Talia comments as soon as she's sure you're out of earshot. "I think he doesn't hate you."

You chuckle at her. "Why, thanks Talia, for that very kind assessment."

She grumbles amusedly. "You're welcome." And after a few moments she adds. "But you will have to step up your game for that party on Saturday, otherwise that Emma girl and her giddy daemon will swallow him whole before you can put a finger on him."

The two of you joke about Emma and her squirrel almost all the way home. Eventually, you stop laughing though. "Did you notice how he tensed up when talking about his roommate … Eskild?" you ask Talia, and she nods slowly.

"Something's eating at him", she says and you bite your lower lip. "But, Even?"

The sharp tone in her voice makes you stare at her in surprise. "What?"

"You have to tell Sonja to stay the hell away", she says and you sigh deeply, nodding in agreement. "I can't stand to see Taza stare at me like _that_."

By now you've reached your house and you bend down to hug your daemon for a moment. "I know Talia, do you think I feel any different?"

She sighs and leans her head on your shoulder. "No, I know." You press a kiss to her head and get back up, fishing your keys out of your pocket.

 

"I am looking forward to that party though", you say while unlocking the door. "But I also really want to talk to Isak alone again." Running a hand through your hair, you give Talia a thoughtful look and open the door  for her. "I could listen to him talk about Dust and the science behind it for hours."

Your daemon nods and gives you a knowing smirk from the top of the stairs. "Are you sure you only want to 'talk' to him, Even?"

You stick out your tongue at her, trying to ignore the hot little fire that just lit in your stomach. "Shut up."

Talia sniggers quietly, licking your hand as you walk past her and open the door to your family's apartment. "You're going to have to look your very best, Even", she remarks matter-of-factly.

You stare at her, pretending to be gravely offended. "Don't I always?" Talia laughs out loud this time and nudges your knees from behind with her nose, almost causing you to trip over the threshold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hihi, I know, it's a lot of dialogue again, but at least you know now that the next chapter will take place at a Party ... What do you think will happen next? Anything you really want me to include??


	4. Third time's the charm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma's party and what happens afterwards ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it took me so long!! I needed this chapter to be good ...

"Are we really doing this?" Salome asks, flicking her tongue nervously while you try to somehow get your hair to look halfway decent, running your fingers through it every which way. You’re wearing your best-fitting white T-shirt under a light grey hoodie jacket and black jeans. Somehow you’re hoping you look nice enough without it being evident that you put in actual effort.

"What do you mean, Sal, it's just a party", you say but the rapid beating of your heart betrays you. And of course, your daemon is not about to let that remark slide.

With a sarcastic little chuckle, she jumps onto your forearm and climbs up onto your shoulder. "Right. Just a party at Emma's house and Even is coming, too. Most likely in the company of his girlfriend. Talk about awkward."

 

You sigh deeply and look at your reflection in the bathroom mirror, trying to breathe normally. “I know, Sal, but it’s not like … I mean what do you expect will happen? He has a girlfriend, so that’s that.”

Your daemon nudges your chin with her head. “I know, but … what if we’re wrong?” Salome murmurs quietly. You pluck her from your shoulder and raise your hand to your face to look at her.

“What do you mean?” you try to sound indifferent, but you can feel your voice waver?

 

“I can’t stop thinking about the way Talia stared at me on Thursday.” Salome’s voice is almost a whisper, but it doesn’t sound fearful. It’s almost as if she were afraid to believe she was remembering the feeling correctly.

You stare at her for a few seconds, allowing your mind to wander back to that freaking afternoon with Even and Talia. Even had looked at you a lot, you remember that. A shiver runs down your spine when you remember his knee touching yours for the briefest of moments. But still, you shake your head and set Salome down on the sink. “It was nothing, Sal, I will just have to get over it.”

 

Salome shakes her head but doesn’t reply. You comb your hair with your fingers one last time and then give up. Sticking your tongue out at your reflection, you reach out your hand and Salome steps onto it. “Let’s go”, you say, trying to sound cheerful. Your daemon doesn’t move a muscle, and you try hard not to pay attention to her. _Fuck, why do I have to be such a coward?_

 

You put on your shoes in the hallway and throw the first jacket you recognize as yours over your shoulder. While walking to the tram stop, you try to wipe your mind clear of Even. But somehow, he drip drips his way back in. _Will he even be there? What will he be wearing? Doesn’t matter, he’ll look gorgeous in anything…_

 

With a loud groan, you shake your head, trying to stop your thoughts from making your heart race. “Yeah, like that’s gonna work”, Salome murmurs from inside your hoodie. She sounds just as stressed as you feel, and her remark doesn’t exactly help.

 

“Damn it, Sal, don’t you think I’m aware of that?” you say through clenched teeth.  Salome leans her head against your neck in an attempt to soothe you.

“Just - try and keep it together” she says and you nod slowly, burying your hands in your pockets.

“Like I said, it’s just a party.”

 

You meet the boys on a crossroads close to Emma’s house. Magnus is telling the others a story about a girl he allegedly hooked up with last weekend , and you have to fight the urge to roll your eyes at him.

“I swear, she was taller than me but like, totally into me”, Mags boasts, while Sirina sits on his shoulder as if it’s  a throne, looking at Jonas and Mahdi with an almost arrogant expression.

“Sure she was, Mags”, Jonas grins and then he spots you. His smile falters and he stares at you as if he’d spotted a ghost. “Dude, are you okay?”

 

You frown at Jonas and greet him, Magnus and Mahdi with your customized handshake. “Sure I am, why?”

“You look a little pale”, Jonas says and you do your best to manage a convincing smile.

“It was a long week”, you say as cheerfully as possible, and Jonas nods slowly, evidently not entirely convinced. You try not to look at Maria, who is sitting on Jonas’ shoulder, eyeing Salome suspiciously. Your daemon hides in the hood of your jacket and you feel her shiver as she settles in your neck.

 

“Right”, Jonas says eventually, and starts leading the way to Emma’s house. Mahdi talks about his English professor, whom he apparently finds pretty cool.

“He’s lived in Australia for five years, and apparently he was a successful columnist for a newspaper for some time.” Jonas and Magnus nod appreciatively at that and you pat Mahdi’s shoulder with a broad grin.

“That could be you in a few years bro. I remember you telling me about an essay you wrote last year for English class, and I think it sounds pretty awesome.”

Mahdi looks up at you, a surprised expression on his face. When he detects no trace of sarcasm on yours, he laughs joyfully and pats your upper arm while Roya climbs back and forth on his shoulders, her eyes darting from you to Mahdi and back as if she can’t believe she heard right.

“Thanks man, that really would be amazing”, Mahdi says gratefully, and you’re glad to see Jonas smiling as well.

“Isak is right, you rock at English, Mahdi”, Magnus adds, and this time, Mahdi frowns.

“Are you trying to get me to help you hook up with a chick tonight or what, bro?”

Jonas, Mahdi and you laugh at that, making Magnus blush and stutter something that sounds like:  “Can’t I ever just be nice without you guys treating it like a joke?”

You arrive at Emma’s house and as he rings the doorbell, Mahdi turns to Magnus, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Seriously though, thanks Mags. You’re an okay sort of guy really. Just a bit … desperate when it comes to girls, that’s all.”

 

Magnus begins to protest, but Emma’s voice interrupts him. “Hello you guys, come on up”, she chirps through the intercom, and this time, you can’t help rolling your eyes.

 

You still wonder how the thing with Emma happened. About three weeks ago, you met her in the cafeteria. She was standing in line in front of you, and when she got to the cashier, she noticed she was a few kroner short. You decided to help her out, and obviously, she took that as an excuse to buy your lunch the following day. From then on, she sat next to you and the boys almost every day at lunch with her daemon Osric, and the boys didn’t mind - especially not because after a few days, Emma’s friends - who are just as gorgeous as she is - joined you as well, making Magnus forget to eat on a regular basis.

 

A week ago, Emma kissed you when you walked her home after a party and invited you to hers. You have been texting back and forth since, Emma twice as enthusiastically as you. Because as hard as you try, you just don’t like her all that much. You keep telling yourself it’s because she’s too loud, too talkative or just not your type, but deep down you know exactly that none of that is true. You know Emma is a pretty girl, with her short dark hair and equally dark eyes. She’s tall and slender, and her smile almost blinded you the first few times you saw it. She’s gorgeous by all standards, and the boys leave out no opportunity to point that out to you.

Whenever Emma talks to you in the hallway, they hardly wait for her to turn the corner afterwards to pat your shoulder as if congratulating you for winning some kind of contest. And every time you hear Magnus say: “I can’t believe you caught a hot one like that, Isak”, you feel sick and want to hide in  a corner.

 

While walking up the stairs, the boys discuss the plans for the  evening ahead. Magnus seems to think he will definitely get laid tonight for some reason. “I think most of the girls will be from Emma’s year, so they’re all younger than us, right?” he says, grinning broadly. You grin back at him and pat his shoulder.

“Yes, Mags, but don’t underestimate them, eh? Have some respect!”

Magnus stares at you, looking offended. He strokes Sirina’s head absent-mindedly and slowly shakes his head. “Whatever makes you think I don’t respect them? I respect these girls so much I’d kiss the ground they walk on.”

Jonas and Mahdi burst out laughing. “Dude, you’re way too desperate”, Jonas giggles and puts an arm around Magnus while Maria stares Sirina down with a mix of condescendence and pity. Magnus’ daemon tries to hide in his jacket, obviously embarrassed.

“I’m not desperate, I’m super chill! You guys are just too stupid to see it”, Magnus protests and you think he is about to say something else, but you’ve arrived on Emma’s floor. Your host is standing in the doorway, and when she spots you, a bright smile lights up her face.

 

“Hey boys”, she calls, not even looking at your friends. She launches herself at you and plants a big wet kiss on your lips. You taste beer and a mix of snacks on hers and do your best to kiss her back. Somehow, you manage not to make a face, but you can feel Salome shaking herself in your neck.

“Hey Emma”, you say with the most sultry smile you can manage and nod at Osric, who’s jumping back and forth on Emma’s shoulders, his eyes darting from your head to your neck and even down to your feet, obviously looking for Salome.

“It’s so good you guys made it”, Emma trills and turns around, leading you into the apartment. You all take off your shoes at the door and follow her inside. The apartment is abuzz with loud music, underlined with chatter from what must be a lot of people in Emma’s living room.

Mahdi asks if there’s any beer and Emma points to the kitchen, planting another kiss on you before bouncing off in direction of some girls from her class. “Isak, you will dance with me later”, she calls loudly, and you grin weakly at her, not saying a word.

 

“Dude, your girlfriend wants to dance with you”, Mahdi teases with a high-pitched voice as you make your way to the kitchen.

“Shut up, she’s not my girlfriend.” You shove Mahdi lightly, earning a mock-appalled look from Roya, who’s wrapped around his neck. “And I don’t dance”, you add, making Jonas chuckle from behind you.

“Well, Emma would beg to differ”, he mutters and you fight the urge to hit his arm.

 

Sometimes, you wonder why you don’t just tell the boys that you’re not into girls. After all, they don’t seem to hate gay people, and you know they all care about you. But whenever Magnus makes a joke about a guy hitting on him, or when they tell you how ‘awesome’ you are for hooking up with girls as if it’s nothing, you lose your nerve, thinking: _They’ll never understand._

 

Magnus opens the fridge and grabs three cans from a box inside. And as if he’d heard your thoughts, he calls: “You drop your beer, you’re queer.” You flinch and are relieved to notice that Magnus  throws the first can at Mahdi. Jonas groans and rolls his eyes at Magnus as he catches the second can. You manage to catch the third and force a grin at Magnus, but your heart is in your throat, while Salome digs her claws into your neck, and you can hear her bated breath.

 

“Just … why, Mags?”, Jonas says in an accusing tone, making Magnus frown at him.

“Yeah, man, why do you have to say such crap?”, Mahdi chimes in, and both Roya and Maria fixate Magnus with rather intense stares. You prefer to stay out of arguments like this one, so you try not to move while your eyes dart back and forth between Magnus, Jonas and Mahdi.

“It was just a joke, man”, Magnus says and shrugs, suddenly looking very uncomfortable. Sirina hides in his jacket, and you can tell she’s shifting around nervously.

“No need to drag gay people with your jokes, Mags”, Jonas says sternly, and Mahdi nods in agreement.

“So unnecessary”, he adds and Magnus puts up his hands in a defensive gesture.

“Alright, I’m sorry guys.” He turns around again and reaches for a fourth can of beer. “So can we go find some girls now, or what?”

Mahdi and Jonas exchange a look and you clear your throat. “You mean some girls who are definitely younger than you, to increase your chances?”

Magnus walks over to you and punches your upper arm lightly. “Shut up, Isak.”

 

The four of you get out into the living room, and before you’ve even opened your beer, Emma’s in your face again.

“There you are”, she purrs and slides her arms around your waist. You smile awkwardly at her and wrap one arm loosely around her, setting your beer down on a chest of drawers.

“Yup”, you say and pull her against your chest so you don’t have to look into her eyes. Apparently, she’s a little drunk because she giggles slightly and leans her head on your shoulder. Osric is scurrying back and forth around her feet, and you can feel Salome’s claws digging into the skin on your neck. She’s obviously determined not to move.

 

You look over Emma’s shoulder, scanning the room. Most people are standing in pairs or small groups, dancing half-heartedly or chatting with drinks  in their hands. Except for one.

You almost gasp when you see Even standing on the opposite side of the room, holding a beer and watching you with half a smile on his face. He’s wearing a tight white shirt that leaves little to the imagination.His hair is perfectly styled, making you feel suddenly self conscious about the mess on your own head.

 

Emma moves her head back and starts kissing you, but you can’t take your eyes off Even. He raises an eyebrow at you questioningly, as if he knows that you’re not kissing Emma because you want to. The slight smile on Even’s face is betrayed by the burning look in his eyes though.

 

You aren’t really kissing Emma back, but she doesn’t seem to notice. Eventually, she moves her lips to your neck, and you half-heartedly caress her lower back while still staring at Even. His smile grows a little wider now, and then he suddenly touches his lower lip with one finger, the look in his eyes changing from amused to hungry in a second. You feel a violent shiver run down your spine and hold on to Emma a little tighter to steady yourself. _What the fuck is going on?_ A shaky breath escapes your throat and your stomach is suddenly on fire.

 

Emma apparently misinterprets your firmer grip on her waist as a reaction to her kissing you, because she presses a long kiss to your throat and then whispers: “Come with me”, into your ear, taking your hand in hers. She pulls you with her, and you tear your eyes off Even with difficulty. Following Emma through the hallway to her room, it starts dawning on you what just happened. _Fantasizing about kissing a guy when you’re actually kissing a girl. Class act, Valtersen._ And just when Emma opens the door and looks back at you with a sultry smile, you notice Salome digging her claws into your shoulders.

You haven’t even realized that she moved, but when she licks your neck and clears her throat, you come to your senses.

“Emma, I’m sorry, I … “ you start, and the smile on Emma’s face falters, making your stomach drop. _Shit._

“I’m … not feeling too well.” It’s not even a lie. Realizing that kissing a girl didn’t do anything for you was one thing. It had happened countless times before and you know why. But actually feeling the _desire_ to kiss another guy is entirely new to you. _Well, not entirely_ , you correct yourself.

“Oh no, do you … should I get you some water?” Emma asks and closes the door to her room again, cradling your face with her hand. “Wow, you feel a little warm”, she says, her expression full of concern. Only now do you notice Osric sitting on her shoulder, his expression just as worried as hers. You feel horrible. Emma is obviously worried about you when she should be yelling at you for being turned on by another guy instead of by her.

“It’s okay, I’ll just … go outside for a bit?”, you suggest and let go of Emma’s hand.

“Should I go with you?”, Emma asks, but you shake your head vigorously, already looking for your shoes next to the front door.

“I just need to walk for a few minutes, I’ll be back”, you promise, surprised by how steady your voice sounds. Your insides feel as if they will make their way up your throat any second and you are struggling to breathe.

“Okay, just … be careful”, Emma cautions and puts a hand on your shoulder blade while you tie your shoelaces. You put up the hood of your jacket and notice Salome crawling into it instantly.

“Will do”, you say curtly, without looking at Emma and then you’re out the door.

 

You rush down the stairs and burst out of the building, convinced that you are going to be sick. But once you’re bent over the bushes across from the letterboxes, you’re only wretching up air and saliva.

Salome presses her head to your throat in an attempt to soothe you, but you feel her shaking just as much as you. “I’m dizzy, Isak” she pants and you let out a long groan. “Me too.”

You roll back onto your heels and put your head between your knees, taking a few deep breaths.

 _How the fuck did I get here?_ you ask yourself and hear Salome chuckle from your shoulder. She’s right, you both know exactly how you got here.

 

For a long time, you tried to justify your lack of attraction to girls to yourself by thinking _I just haven’t met the right kind of girl._ But by the time you turned 15, you couldn’t help but notice that you liked to watch other boys whenever you were sure they weren’t looking, but couldn’t be bothered to check out a girl for longer than absolutely necessary. Sure, you started hooking up with girls much earlier than your friends, but only because it never meant anything. You weren’t scared of rejection because it just didn’t matter to you, and your bold attitude had the desired effect most of the time. Your boys called you “Casanova”, for being able to hook up with any girl you met, but you always felt empty kissing them, not to mention guilty for making promises you couldn’t keep.

 

The sound of footsteps behind you interrupts your train of thought.

“Isak?”

You tense up and slowly turn around to see a girl with white blond hair in a light blue coat walking towards you, her snow leopard daemon following on her heels.

It’s not until Salome nudges your neck with her head that you recognize her. “Vilde?” you ask incredulously. Looking at your daemon, you’re not surprised to see her smile contently at Vilde’s snow leopard - you think his name is Adavi. For some reason, those two like each other a lot, despite you and Vilde not really being friends.

 

Back in High School, she had tried to convince you and your friends to join her “Kosegruppa” several times, and that alone would have been reason enough for you to avoid her. But in your last year at school, Magnus developed a crush on her, which made for a lot of awkward encounters on the school yard and at parties.

 

Now that you are both at University, you still run into each other from time to time, but while your daemons always seem to want to talk, neither you nor Vilde ever know what to say.

 

“Were you at Emma’s party, too?”, Vilde now asks and crouches down to stroke Adavi’s head.

You almost scoff. “Yeah …” you say, unsure if you should explain yourself. But Vilde just smiles at you.

“I’m not staying either. Me and the girls are leaving for another party.”

“Right”, you say and wonder what to say next just as the front door of Emma’s building opens again and four more girls come out, laughing and chattering loudly. You feel Salome tense up on your shoulder at the sight of them, particularly Sana. She’s dressed in all  black, from her hijab down to her shoes, even her lipstick is black, and as usual, her piercing eyes seem to see right through you. Her daemon - a small owl by the name of Tahir - is perched on her shoulder and immediately scans you from top to bottom.

Noora smiles and waves at you while Agbara just nods quietly, and Eva and Chris are too busy laughing to notice you. Their daemons - Eva’s Seika, a red panda, and Chris’ Nermai, a kookaburra - are scurrying back and forth between them, tripping over their limbs with every other step - evidently, both Eva and Chris are pretty drunk.

 

“Are you going to be okay?” Vilde asks and gets back to her feet.

You nod quickly and try to smile at her. Vilde smiles back and waves at you. “See you around, Isak.”

She and Adavi join the girls and you’re glad when the five of them turn to leave, stopping Sana from staring a hole into your skull.

Your relief lasts only a few seconds though, because the girls have barely turned the corner when Even exits the building. You freeze, feeling Salome’s claws digging into your shoulder. Holding your breath, you hope he won’t see you, but of course he spots you instantly. He walks over to you, slowly and deliberately, looking into your eyes the entire time. The chill running down your spine is somehow more intense than the one you felt when he watched you kiss Emma. As if to make it worse, Talia’s eyes are glued to Salome as if she’s trying to decide whether or not to eat her alive, and you feel her stare just as intensely as Even’s. You can tell your daemon wants to hide inside your hood again, but something is keeping her glued to the side of your neck, staring back at Talia, unable to move.

 

“What are you doing out here?” Even asks, his perfect lips curling into a smile that makes you dizzy. He’s wearing a dark blue hoodie over his T-shirt now, zipping it up while he waits for you to answer.

You shake yourself, trying to regain control of your body.

“Uh, I just … too many people”, you stutter, but Even just nods with an exasperated sigh.

“Right? It’s like Emma invited half the city”, he says and you can’t help but smile at him.

“I just had to get out of there.”

 

Even produces a joint from behind his ear, raising his eyebrows at you. “Want some?”

You can’t help a cheeky smile tugging at your lips. “Sure, yeah”, you tell him, and try not to think about what smoking weed would make you do or say. _Fuck it._

Even smiles broadly and pushes a strand of hair behind his ear. “Come with me.”

Salome leans her head on your neck while you follow Even across the street to a small park. He seems to know exactly where he’s going, and it takes all your courage not to run away. _Shit, shit, shit, what is happening?_

 

Even sits down on a bench in the centre of the park and you join him, careful to leave enough distance between the two of you so your legs won’t touch.

“So, you and Emma”, Even says as he pats down his pockets until he finds a lighter.

“She’s not my girlfriend”, you blurt out, making Salome let out a quiet groan. _Be cool, Valtersen, be cool._

Even laughs quietly and puts the joint in his mouth to light it up. “Uh, okay? Are you sure?” He smiles at you, obviously amused. “Cause it sure looked like she wants to be.”

You groan and bury your face in your hands, suddenly feeling a little sick again. _You’re such an asshole._

Feeling Even’s hand on your shoulder, you jump and look up at him. “I’m sorry if I upset you”, he says and the sincerity in his voice  is almost too much for you to bear.

“Uh, it’s okay”, you manage to get out and clear your throat. “I just …” you trail off but Even just shakes his head and then carefully lights up the joint.

“You don’t have to explain”, he tells you calmly and takes a long drag. Talia has curled up at his feet and looks up at Salome with a gentle expression, as if to try and calm her down. But it’s no use: when Even tilts his head back to blow out the smoke, Salome shivers and you gulp heavily and can’t help but stare at his throat. You feel the urge to reach out and touch him there, but then Even looks at you again and hands you the joint.

Your fingers brush his when you take it from him and leave behind a burning sensation, but you somehow manage not to drop it. “So you know Emma from Uni?” Even enquires and you wish he would just stop talking about her already. Taking a deep drag, you shake your head and grin at him, trying to seem confident.

“Nah, we went to High School together”, Even nods slowly, apparently unsure what to say next. “What about you and … Sonja?”

Again, you want to bite your tongue as soon as the words have left your mouth, because Even frowns at you, looking confused.

“Uh, we sort of grew up together and our parents planned our wedding ever since we were fifteen. They’re lifelong friends, our parents, so I guess it kind of made sense to them to fix us up.”

 

You look at your shoes and hand the joint back to Even, trying to hide your disappointment. _Fuck._

You gasp when instead of taking the joint from you, Even puts his hand on your leg. “We’re not dating anymore though”, he adds quietly, and when you look up at him, his face is hovering inches away from yours.

For a few moments, all you can do is stare at him. Even’s eyes are searching your face for fuck knows what, and you let yourself look at him - really look at him for the first time. His beautiful blue eyes, his full, sensual lips and his impossibly perfect hair, except for that wild strand that keeps falling into his face.

 

Your heart is beating ridiculously fast against your chest, and you try to clear your throat but almost choke. Even’s hand is still resting on your leg, and before you know what’s happening, you reach out to touch his arm. Even smiles softly and finally takes the joint from you, not moving away. He takes another drag and blows the smoke out sideways so it doesn’t hit your face while still looking at you with that blinding stare. You swallow hard again and blink several times, trying to breathe normally. _Keep it together, damn it._

 

Finally you realize you should probably say something. So when Even hands the joint back to you, you say as casually as possible: “Oh, I … I’m sorry about that.” It sounds pathetic and not like you’re sorry at all of course, a fact confirmed by the tiny scoff Salome puffs into your ear.

Even notices and lets go of your leg, raising his eyebrows at you before reaching down to pat Talia’s head. “It’s okay, I was the one to end it actually.”

This shouldn’t make you feel excited, but it does. You bite your lower lip and nod slowly, but before you can think of something to say, Even goes on. “She’s still mad at me though, as you may have noticed when we met her and Emma on Thursday.”

 

You frown a little and try to remember Sonja’s mood when you ran into her at the harbour. But all you can recall is Emma talking nonstop about the party today and you trying to figure out how to get away from her as soon as possible. “Uh, no, I … I couldn’t tell”, you say honestly.

Even rolls his eyes and sighs deeply. “Well that’s a story for another time I guess.”

You can tell he doesn’t like talking about Sonja, kind of like you don’t like talking about Emma.

“Sure”, you say and then you have no words left. You take another drag from the joint and hand it back to Even, who suddenly gets to his feet and gives you an unreadable look.

“Come on, I’m walking you home.”

You don’t know what to say to that but you get up as well, plucking Salome from your shoulder and setting her down on your lower arm.

“Where do you live? Far away?” Even asks and you almost panic a little. _What is he expecting from me?_

Swallowing hard, you point to the other end of the park. “About a ten minute walk in that direction.” Even nods and smiles again while Talia hides her head behind his knees.

 

As soon as you start walking, talking becomes easier again. Even tells you he hated the music at Emma’s party, making you laugh. “Oh man, you have no idea.”

He frowns at you. “What?”

Still laughing, you explain. “Back in High School, Emma was really into Justin Bieber. Consider yourself lucky you never had to attend her parties back then.”

Even laughs out loud and pats your arm, and you’re almost proud of the fact that this time, you hardly jump at his touch. “Oh man, I am glad I missed that”, he says and you nod the right corner of your mouth tugs upwards into a grin..

 

Seemingly seconds later, you’re already standing in front of your building. “Well, this is me”, you say, feeling awkward again.

Even scans the house from top to bottom and then looks back at you. “Are your roommates home?” he asks and your hands start shaking when you think about why he would want to know that.

“Linn is always home, but I saw Noora at the party, and Eskild goes out almost every night ”, you say way too fast, but Even just laughs cheerfully.

“I guess that means you never have the place to yourself, huh? If Linn is always home I mean.” The look in his eyes turns your knees to butter and for a moment, you think he’s going to say something else. But Talia lets out a quiet growl that sounds like a warning and Even straightens himself up, suddenly looking a little lost.

“Well, she's always in her room, so ...”, you tell him and stroke Salome’s head with one finger. Even squares his shoulders and steps closer to you, still looking at you like _that_ , and you feel your heartbeat speed up for what feels like the millionth time today.

“I guess I’ll see you at work?” Even says quietly, a hopeful look in his eyes.

“Annina said I have to come to the office on Monday morning so I guess so, yeah”, you say way too fast, but Even smiles so broadly you can’t bring yourself to regret it.

“Good”, he says, and for a moment you think he’s just going to walk away. But then, Even takes two fast steps towards you. Salome barely has time to jump off your arm onto your hip before Even pulls you into a hug. You freeze and don’t dare to move for a second, but then, your arms move almost automatically to wrap around Even’s waist.

You stand like this for what feels like an eternity, and after a few moments, you close your eyes, taking in Even’s scent. He smells of subtle cologne,  of salt, sweat and smoke, and the combination makes you dizzy.  Even holds you in his arms as if to comfort you, and the thought tightens your throat. You press your cheek to Even’s chest, his scent enveloping you like a blanket and when you feel Even’s fingers drawing small circles on your back, you can’t help tears welling up in your eyes.

 

So of course you pull away. You’re not surprised to see Salome sitting on Talia’s back, but at the same time you move away, Salome jumps down and scurries back over to you. Even looks a little flustered, but you have no time to wonder why. You have to get away from him before you actually start crying. “See you on Monday”, you say, hating how choked up your voice sounds and turning around on your heel to run, but Even holds onto your wrist.

“Isak”, he says softly, and you have to stifle a sob. _I don’t deserve you, go away._

Biting your lower lip, you look down at your feet and notice Salome clinging to your ankle, shivering as if she were freezing. “Don’t look at me”, you choke out, feeling so miserable you wish the ground would open up and swallow you whole.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it”, Even whispers and then his thumb is on your chin, gently lifting it to make you look at him.

Even’s smile is so beautiful your heart threatens to jump out of your chest and you can’t think when he leans a little closer to cradle your face with his free hand. A single tear escapes your left eye, and you want to wipe it off but Even brushes it away with his thumb.

“You’re so handsome, Isak”, Even whispers, making you shiver from head to toe. You lean your forehead against his and when Even’s other hand comes up to cup your cheek, you allow your hands to curl around his wrists.

“You too”, you croak back, feeling so dizzy you’re afraid you will pass out. _What the fuck is happening?_ You close your eyes and wait for Even to make a move, because there is no way ...

 

“Isak?”

 

The sound of Eskild’s voice makes you jump back three steps and whirl around. “Eskild?” you pant, unable to hide the panic in your voice. You look around to find Salome scurrying towards you for the second time; apparently she’d been in Talia’s fur again.

“I’ll be right there”, you call in your roommate’s direction, imploring him with your eyes to stay where he is. Eskild is clearly a bit drunk, but he and Leila nod simultaneously and lean at the wall next to the front door.

Even lets out a huff of air behind you, and you wish you could explain everything to him right then and there. _This is not about you. I’m the idiot here._

You turn around again, giving Even an apologetic look while wiping your face. “I’ll uh … talk to you on  Monday?”

Even nods slowly, his expression full of disappointment, making your stomach ache, and that’s when you notice Salome has climbed all the way up to your shoulder again and is staring at Talia. You have no idea what gives you the nerve. But you can’t let Even walk away with that look on his face. So right when he’s about to turn away, you clear your throat.

“Thanks”

Even’s eyes open wide with surprise. “Uh, what for? ”, he asks, sounding almost nervous .

"Walking me home", you say, feeling very stupid all of a sudden. So you shrug awkwardly and add: “I’ll text you”, and the smile on Even’s face almost makes you feel right again.

“Good”, he says, and reaches out to touch your shoulder. It makes you want to hug him, but you’re very aware of Eskild’s and Leila’s eyes on you, so you merely smile back as genuinely as possible, despite the painful knot in your stomach.

“Good night, Even.”

 

“Good night, Isak.”, Even says and walks backwards on his heels, still smiling broadly.  Talia follows him hesitantly, her eyes still glued to Salome’s. You watch them both with your heart still in your throat, beating fifty miles an hour. When Even finally turns around and walks off with Talia on his heels, you could swear you hear her murmuring “I guess third time’s the charm” under her breath.

  
You’re not sure what she means by that, but something tells you she’s right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo what do you think?? Any ideas why Adavi and Salome like each other despite the fact that Vilde and Isak don't really get along? Any suggestions, wishes, questions?? Talk to me on tumblr (minkefreak) or leave a comment!


	5. Keep him safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even and Isak have their first actual date and it doesn't quite go as planned ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really really hope I did Even's emotions justice in this one!! A BIG BIG shoutout to my co-readers Marianne (theleavesoflorien on tumblr) and Megan (coldharmonies on tumblr) who gave me so many good inputs and ideas! Let me know if I missed something or messed up completely!!

You barely manage to keep your cool until you turn around the corner at the end of Isak’s street. Ducking into a doorway, you crouch down and bury your face in your shaking hands. You feel your heartbeat in your throat, which makes it hard to breathe properly. Talia licks the back of your hand and then leans her head against your neck.

“What the fuck was that?” you ask her, and Talia lets out a shuddering breath that warms your neck.

“You almost kissed Isak, that’s what that was”, she says, trying to sound sarcastic. However, you can feel her shiver slightly. “I still feel Salome’s claws in my fur.”

You look up at your daemon, surprised. “Salome was in your fur?”

Talia rolls her eyes. “Do you mean to tell me you didn’t notice how nervous Isak was?”

 

You shrug with a sigh, but the convinced look in Talia’s eyes makes your heartbeat speed up again. “You don’t think I was … too much?”

Talia smiles fondly and inclines her head to the side. “You’re always too much Even, but I think Isak didn’t mind.”

Both of you chuckle at that. “I like him, Talia” you say quietly after a while, stroking her head absent-mindedly.

“I know”, she whispers and bumps your knee with her nose. “But we gotta get out of the cold, Even.”

 

You and Talia stay silent the entire way home. A thousand thoughts are racing in your head so you almost miss your tram stop.  _ We almost kissed. He looked so afraid. What if I scared him away? I shouldn’t have walked away like that. Or should I? Did I play it too cool? Not cool enough? _

 

By the time you reach your  apartment, you feel almost cheerful, though. You remember Isak’s breath on your face and the look in his eyes when you pulled him close and you can’t help but smile to yourself.  _ Fucking hell, if only Eskild had come home a minute later. _

 

You stop by in the living room to say good-night to your parents and scowl at your mother’s knowing smile when she asks how the party was. “Fine, mum”, you say, shooting her a warning look. You have made the mistake of telling her you met someone you liked and that you were probably going to see him tonight, so obviously, she wants to know how it went.

 

But your dad only looks up from his newspaper with a smile while Marigona - his lynx daemon - gets to her feet and winks at Talia, who wags her tail and winks back. “Hello Even, so you had fun at the party?”, your father asks and you nod, holding back a groan. When your dad reads, he hears and sees nothing else, so no wonder he didn’t notice you answered the same question seconds before.

“Yes, dad, lots of fun.”

“Good”, your father says, nodding slowly and then disappearing behind his newspaper again.

You walk over to your mother, who still has that annoying smile on her face. Bending down to kiss her cheek, you try to ignore Petter fluttering around your head like a crazy wasp.

“Night, mum”, you say and your mother smiles, holding onto your shoulders for a brief moment.

“Sweet dreams, Even”, she says and winks at you, making you roll your eyes at her.

_ Chill, mamma! _

“Thanks”, you tell her, and then walk back to your room as quickly as possible before she can interrogate you further.

 

A few minutes later, you’re lying on your bunk bed, trying to process what has happened in the past hour. “Talia?” you ask and reach out to caress your daemon’s head. “Do you think Isak likes me, too?”

Your daemon groans and nudges your temple with her nose. “He would have let you kiss him, so I guess it’s safe to say he’s not repulsed by you, Even.”

You giggle excitedly, and when you remember Isak’s breath tickling your face seconds before Eskild called his name, your stomach erupts in butterflies. “I really wanted to kiss him”, you murmur and Talia nods, letting you rest your head on her back.

“He wanted to kiss you too, I think”, she murmurs, making you turn your head to look at her.

“How do you figure?”

Talia chuckles and gives you a long look. “When you were watching him kiss Emma … Are you telling me you didn’t feel it?”

 

You look up at the ceiling and go back to the moment in your mind, remembering the flabbergasted expression on Isak’s face when you caught his eye. “He looked confused”, you say, but Talia just snorts.

“That’s the understatement of the century, Even.”

You smile to yourself and nod slowly. “Yeah okay, maybe you’re right. But he is very shy, so I will have to be careful.”

Talia sighs deeply and leans her head against your temple. “That’s true.”

 

You drift off to sleep while thinking about the look in Isak’s eyes when you told him he’s handsome and the feeling of his hands on your skin.  _ Next time I’ll kiss you, no matter who’s watching. _

 

_________________________________________________________________________

 

You spend the weekend trying not to think about Isak all the time. Obviously, you fail spectacularly. On Saturday, you sit on the windowsill in your room for hours, drawing him. His features are hard to get right, mostly because you struggle to remember anything apart from his beautiful eyes and the shape of his lips.

In the evening, you think about texting Isak, but something holds you back.  _ The ball is in his court _ , you tell yourself, thinking back to the moment you parted ways on Friday evening. “I’ll text you”, Isak promised and despite the hesitant look on his face, you believed him.

 

You don’t have much more time to worry about it, though. Just as you’re trying to decide which movie to watch before bed, your phone pings. Talia’s ears perk up and you run across the room to your desk where you left your phone.

 

-Hey. Thanks for walking me home yesterday. 

It was great talking to you.

 

At first, you’re almost disappointed. But it soon hits you that you wouldn’t have written anything else yourself if you were him.  _ What do you say to someone you almost kissed the last time you saw them? _

So you smile as you type a reply.

 

-You’re so welcome. And same, we should do

this again soon. See you on Monday.

 

Talia growls as you hit send. “What?” you ask and pat her head.

“You have no chill, Even Bech Naesheim”, your daemon groans, but you just laugh at her. “What’s wrong with at least waiting for an hour before replying?”

You frown at her, shaking your head. “I want to see him again, and you know me. Playing games isn’t my thing. Plus it’s true. We agreed to have lunch together on Monday, remember?”

Talia nods slowly. “He did say he might be there, yes.”

As if on cue, your phone pings again before you can throw a retort back at her. 

 

-Uh, Annika won’t be at the office on Monday, so neither will I.

 

Your heart sinks and you sit down on the couch beneath your bunk bed.  _ Fuck. _

But before you can start panicking, another message comes in.

 

-But do you maybe wanna go for a kebab after work?”

 

You sigh with relief and then smile at your phone with a content nod.

 

-Sure thing. Where?

 

Waiting for Isak’s reply, you notice your heart beating a little too fast again, and Talia’s nose is pressed against your leg. Isak suggested an alternative plan before you had time to worry about him not wanting to see you.  _ I thought you were shy, Isak. _

 

-Do you know Bislett Kebab on Hegdehaugsveien?

 

\- Yep. I’ll wait for you outside at 5.30?

 

-Cool. See you then.

 

For a moment, you think about replying again, but think better of it.  _ Play it cool, Even. _

You put your phone down on your desk and sit down on the couch again. Talia curls up at your feet with a sigh. “So he does want to see you again. Good”, she states, and the hesitant tone in her voice makes you laugh.

“You sound surprised”, you tell her, caressing her head. Talia grumbles and leans back to stare at you.

“Just don’t mess it up, Even.”

 

By Monday morning, you have a plan on how you want the Kebab date with Isak to go. “I want to ask him out, Talia. Properly”, you tell your daemon on the tram ride to work.

Talia inclines her head and gives you a long look. “Ask him out how?”

“I’ll just tell him I want to cook for him. Mum and dad will be at Aunt Ingrid’s birthday party on Friday night, and I already told them I’m not going.”

Talia sniggers quietly. “Huh, good luck with that.”

You frown at her. “I have to get him alone, Talia. No interruptions this time.”

Your daemon nods hesitantly. “Yeah, I’m just not sure he will agree to come to your house, but I guess it’s worth a shot?”

 

The morning in the office flies by. You’re still amazed by how easy it is to work with Andres. After only one week, he treats you as if you’d been working together for years, asking for your opinion and critiquing your work constructively. You feel so lucky to be working with him.

You have lunch together with Andres, discussing your weekends and the plans you have for the upcoming Easter break. Andres will go skiing in the mountains with some friends. “I haven’t done that this year yet, I hope I won’t break a leg”, he says and Ximena gives a dry laugh.

“Like the last time you tried, you mean?”

She then tells you the story of how Andres decided it was a good idea to go skiing before dawn about a year ago. “I told him he was going to kill himself, but he still dragged me out of bed.” Andres’ shrew daemon rolls her eyes with a pained groan. “He managed to stay on his feet for exactly a minute before he crashed and burned. We woke up in the hospital half a day later.”

You laugh at her story and watch Andres argue with her about how ‘it wasn’t as bad as you make it sound’, but in your mind, you’re counting minutes.  _ Five more hours. _

Luckily, you and Andres have lots of work to do during the afternoon as well and, before you know it, Andres turns his computer off and stretches both arms above his head. “I’m leaving, can I drive you home?” he asks and picks up Ximena from his desk.

You get to your feet and Talia starts pacing back and forth behind you. “Uh, I’m kind of meeting someone”, you tell him, trying to ignore your shaking hands.

Andres doesn’t seem to notice, he only smiles brightly at you. “Okay, cool, so I’ll see you tomorrow”, he says and hesitates for a second before adding: “I might be a bit late, Annika said she wants to talk to me about something and I have a feeling it might take a while.” He winks at you and you smile back at him.

“No problem, see you in the morning.”

 

You wait until Andres has turned the corner before looking down at Talia, who is still pacing nervously. “Ready?”

Talia shakes her fur and then looks up at you with a determined look on her face. “Let’s do it.”

The tram ride to the city centre seems to take an eternity. You try to imagine what to say to Isak, but every sentence you come up with sounds more stupid than the next in your head.

_ Hi handsome, how was your day? _

Ugh, desperate much?

 

_ Waiting for someone? Here I am! _

Way too confident. You’ll never pull it off.

 

_ Hi, do you know where I can get a kebab around here? _

Wow, you really are a fucking teenager.

 

By the time you get off the tram, your heart is in your throat. You can’t quite figure out why you’re so nervous. This isn’t your first date, not even your first date with a guy. Plus, you’ve technically already taken Isak on a date last week, although it wasn’t planned - not in detail at least.

Still, somehow, this feels important. More important than anything else has ever felt. 

 

When you see Isak standing in front of Bislett Kebab, you freeze and stare at him for a few moments. He’s wearing the olive-green jacket again and, underneath, a plain grey T-shirt that matches the colour of his eyes. His blond curls are poking out from underneath the black snapback he’s wearing and while you watch him, he removes the hat to run a languid hand through his hair, looking up and down the street.

_ Good to know we’re both nervous.  _ You take a deep breath and tear your eyes off Isak with difficulty, turning your head to look at Talia. “We can still run”, she murmurs and nudges your knee with the back of her head. 

“Nah, too late, I think he saw me”, you say and smile weakly. But Talia nods and then starts walking across the street. 

 

“Hey”, Isak says and you feel yourself relax when he smiles at you. Salome is perched on his shoulder, staring at Talia with one of her front legs cocked and her tongue darting in and out of her mouth.

“Halla”, you say and without thinking, you walk right up to Isak and wrap both arms around him. At first, he stiffens a little, but then you feel him hug you back. It’s only for a moment before he pulls away, but feeling his hands in your back almost makes you feel dizzy.

You look up at him and almost laugh out loud. Isak’s face is bright red, and he is staring at you as he’d just seen a ghost. “Are you hungry?” you ask, forcing yourself to stay calm. Isak shakes himself a little and then manages a hesitant grin.  _ Why are you so fucking cute? _

“Yes I am”,  Isak replies with a shy grin and opens the door for you. You follow him inside, not saying anything in reply. You are about to panic that you’re just going to awkwardly stare at each other until one of you bails, when Isak surprises you again.

“So, how was your day? Did you have enough work to do?” he asks, and the cheeky smile on his face makes your knees weak. 

Clearing your throat, you nod with what you hope is a confident grin. “Oh yeah, we had quite some shots to work on. Why do you ask? Did Little Miss Complicated make a _ scene _ in every scene last week?”

You internally roll your eyes at the worst pun you’ve ever made, but Isak laughs.

“Nah, she was actually pretty nice for the most part.” 

And before you know it, you’re bitching about actors’ quirks and allures while waiting for your turn to get kebabs. Every time Isak laughs at something you say, you fall for him a little bit more. He really listens to you and seems to care about what you have to say, although you’re just joking around. And at the same time, he flushes every time you look at his lips or into his eyes for a little too long.  _ So adorable. _

 

Once you both have your kebabs, you walk down the street to Uranienborg park.  Now feeling more relaxed, you start telling him about your family, “I still live with my folks”, you explain with your mouth full. “It’s awesome, most of the time.” Watching Isak, you notice his face falling a little, and Salome suddenly crawls beneath his scarf with her tail between her legs. However, Isak smiles softly and nods. “It is?”

You nod and wonder if it was what you said that made him sad. Since he’s most likely not about to just tell you, you decide to try and cheer him up. “Yeah, unless they butt in on my personal life.”

Isak raises an eyebrow at you and takes another bite of his kebab. “What, they fix you up with girls?” The look on his face lets you know this question is important to him. By now you’re certain that Isak hasn’t come to terms with liking guys, so you make sure he’s looking into your eyes before you reply.

“... and guys, yes! Especially my mum is insufferable”, you tell him with a laugh and pat his upper arm.

Isak frowns, but Salome sticks her head out from under his scarf and stares at you, and if you didn’t know better you’d say her expression looks deeply intrigued, even hopeful. Talia gets to her feet and watches Salome carefully.

“Uh, so … you are…?” Isak breaks off and blushes a dark red, making you want to pinch his cheeks. Talia lets out a low whine.

“I’m bisexual, yes”, you tell him and the relieved look on Isak’s face makes you want to add something stupid.  _ Why do you think I almost kissed you?  _ But Talia’s warning growl stops you, and instead you ask him about his kollektiv.

 

“How did you find that place?” you ask him, and again, Isak averts his eyes and chuckles uncomfortably.

“Uh, well, it’s kinda weird”, he says and gives you a hesitant look.  _ Please don’t ask _ , his eyes plead, and although your heart hurts thinking about all the pain Isak keeps locked up inside, you pat his arm gently and tell him:

“You don’t have to tell me, it’s OK.”

Isak sighs with relief and you catch Salome throwing Talia an affectionate look. Your daemon stares at her incredulously for a second before she relaxes again. 

“Thanks”, Isak says with a bashful smile.

“But you’re happy there right? In your kollektiv?”, you ask, feeling relieved when Isak’s face lights up immediately.

“They’re all nuts, but we get along great.”

You chuckle and try to remember what he told you about them the last time you spoke. “So wait, Noora’s a mum, Eskild’s the promiscuous bartender and Lynn is the sleepy head? I’m surprised no one’s been killed yet, to be honest.”

 

You both laugh at that, and Isak nods slowly, taking another bite of his kebab, suddenly looking somber again.  _ What makes you so sad?  _ you wonder and are about to try and form a question about that, but then Isak takes a deep breath and clears his throat.

 

“Well, it’s not ideal but better than living at home with my depressed mum.”

 

You almost choke on the bite of kebab you’re chewing on and Talia sucks in her breath. While you struggle to think of something to say, she moves to your other side so she’s sitting between you and Isak. You run a hand through her fur to steady yourself. Somehow, you manage to swallow and clear your throat. “Your mother suffers from depression?” you ask, your heart beating too fast and too painfully.

Isak just nods awkwardly and puts his kebab down on his thigh, not looking at you. “Yeah… She’s pretty sick. Like, some of the time she’s okay and then suddenly, she doesn’t move from the couch for days or even weeks.” He runs a hand through his hair and casts a careful glance at you, trying to smile. “I love my mum, but when dad ran out on us, it became too much. My life was miserable.”

 

_ Well, FUCK.  _ Suddenly, you feel sick and have to fight the urge to get up and run. From the corner of your eye, you notice Talia shifting uncomfortably. She’s still sitting between you and Isak and, although you don’t see her face, you know she’s glaring up at Isak accusingly.  _ He doesn’t know _ , you try to tell Talia by running your hand through her fur to calm her.

And then, you swallow hard and try to smile, carefully reaching out to put your hand on Isak’s arm. He flinches, but doesn’t move away and even looks up at you, his face a painful grimace. “So that’s why you left?” 

Your voice almost breaks, but Isak doesn’t seem to notice. He just nods with a forced smile, while Salome starts pacing back and forth on his forearm.

“I tried to get her to seek help, but she just … refuses. Whenever she’s … feeling down, she says it’s God’s punishment for being a horrible mother or whatever, and when she’s doing okay, she claims she’s healed.”

 

Nodding slowly, you try to stop your thoughts from forming a violent tornado in your head. “That can’t have been easy”, you manage to say, but this time, your voice cracks at the last word. Isak frowns at you, making your heartbeat speed up.  _ Tell him, Even. Just tell him. _

“I’m fine, but Even?” Isak asks, sounding concerned. You cast a glance at him, but immediately look back down at your feet. “Are you okay?” Isak lowers his voice as if afraid to spook you. Only then do you notice that you’re holding on to his arm so tightly your knuckles have turned white. You quickly let go and stare at Isak in shock.

“I’m good, just … remembered I have to help my mum with something”, you say, ignoring the loud thumping of your heart, and get to your feet. “See you around, Isak.”

Isak’s eyes widen and he gasps, getting up as well, but luckily he doesn’t follow you. With Talia on your heels, you rush out of the park without looking back, running almost the entire way home. Luckily, your parents are still at work when you get there. The second you close the apartment door, you lean against it and close your eyes, feeling sick.

 

It takes several minutes for your heartbeat and breathing to slow down. Talia paces back and forth in front of you, looking distraught and scared, mirroring exactly how you feel.

“Well, that settles it then”, you say quietly after a while and Talia nods somberly. “I’ll just have to stay away from him.” Your heart feels so heavy you’re afraid you won’t be able to move ever again. Talia’s dry laugh makes you flinch. “You can’t stay away from him Even. He works in the same company.”

You shrug and run a hand through your hair with a deep sigh. “Only on Mondays. I can stay in in my office all day once a week, so what?”

Talia scowls, but you can’t take her scolding you right now, so before she says anything else you throw both hands in the air and yell: “Talia, I can’t, okay? I won’t do this to him, he doesn’t … He’s been through enough.”

Your daemon lies down on her stomach and puts her head on her front paws, looking defeated. “Alright, if that’s what you want.”

Now it’s your turn to give a dry laugh. “It’s not what I want, but it’s what’s best for Isak.” You walk into your room and plop down onto your couch with a deep breath. Talia follows and curls up at your feet without another word. You bury your face in your hands and of course, Isak appears in your mind immediately. It doesn’t help that he looked at you the same way he had last Friday. Now, that expression is etched into your memory and you fear you will never forget it. So you embrace it. You memorize every inch of Isak’s beautiful face, trying to ignore the painful sting in your heart when you imagine kissing his nose, both his eyelids, his forehead, and finally his lips …

\- and then, you let him go.  _ You don’t deserve him anyway _ . 

 

You look up and find Talia’s face hovering inches from yours. Her ears are flattened and there is a  high-pitched but quiet keening sound coming from deep within her. You exhale harshly and push her paws off your legs so she stumbles back. “No Tal, don’t say it. It was stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid! I’m not hurting him, I just can’t. I should never have gotten my hopes up!” The sharp pain that has been building in your lungs bubbles up in your throat and bursts out as a dry sob. You pull your knees up against your chest and press your face into your thighs. Eventually, Talia pads over to lean her forehead against yours. You cradle her neck with both hands, a wordless apology.

“I have to keep him safe”, you say, more to yourself than to Talia. Your daemon nods against your forehead and her breath feels comforting on your face. Still, you can’t stop a single tear from running down your cheek.

_ Goodbye, Isak. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the painful ending ... It will get better quick I promise!! What do you think/want to happen next??


	6. Sail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak tries to figure out what made Even run away and gets some insight from an unexpected source.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I have to make one thing clear: Even is NOT having a depressive episode in this chapter. He just feels very sad. This is mostly important because of what will happen in the next chapter.

You don’t know how you manage to get home. When Even runs off, you just stare after him for a long time until you’re so cold you no longer feel your fingers and Salome is desperately tugging at your earlobe with her mouth to get you to move. 

Somehow, your feet carry you through the streets and seemingly hours later, you arrive at the kollektiv. You sigh with relief when no one answers your croaky “hello?”, and lock yourself in your room.

 

The rest of the evening passes in a blur. Eating is out of the question; the knots in your stomach make you feel like you’re going to throw up the second you take one bite of anything. So you just sit on your bed, trying to sort through the racing thoughts in your mind, while Salome paces back and forth on your mattress, sighing exasperatedly every few minutes.

 

_ Does Even think I’m crazy?  _ That’s the one question that keeps popping up in your head. You remember Even staring at you with a mix of fear and sadness when you told him about your mother’s illness. But there was no pity in his eyes, which is what leads you to believe he’s scared you might be mentally ill as well and go crazy on him.

_ That must be why he ran. No one wants a potentially crazy person for a friend, so why would Even so much as consider sticking around?!  _ That thought leaves a bitter taste on your tongue. You thought he was different. Somehow, you believed Even was the kind of person who would understand. Shaking your head, you almost laugh at yourself.

_ Just forget about him. _

 

After what feels like hours, you manage to take off your clothes and crawl under the sheets. Obviously you can’t sleep, tossing and turning while going through the conversation with Even again and again in your mind, trying to figure out what it was that made him run away. 

 

“Telling him about mum was a mistake, Sal”, you murmur at one point, and your daemon climbs up onto your outstretched palm, looking as miserable as you feel.

“But why?”, she asks, her voice sounding whiny and desperate.

You shrug with a deep sigh. “Maybe he just hates crazy people. Or he thinks I’m crazy, too.”

Salome winces slightly. “Your mum isn’t crazy. And neither are you.”

“I know”, you sigh and watch Salome pace back and forth for a few moments, her head hanging low. “But he could think that I will end up the same way as my mum. That would scare anyone off, right?”

You look at Salome, and both of you shake your heads. Sal pads softly onto your chest. The undersides of her feet are cold. She settles over your heart curled into a ball, shivering. She sighs. “I don’t know,” she finally says, voice barely over a whisper. “Whatever,” you reply sharply turning onto your side to dislodge Sal onto the mattress instead, “It would never have worked out anyway”. 

“No”, Salome says and shakes her head. “But … he seemed to really like you. I don’t get it.” Her voice breaks and she looks at you with complete and utter despair. “That look in his eyes shortly before he almost kissed you … It felt so real.”

You swallow hard and bite your lower lip. “I know, I thought so too”, you admit, stroking your daemons head with one finger.

Salome cocks her head to the side and stares blankly at you. “Maybe he just needs time?”, she suggests weakly, but you know she believes that as little as you.

“Sal, he ran away. It didn’t look like he had any intention of ever talking to me again.”

 

Your daemon sighs and then jumps off your arm to curl up next to your head, watching you warily for a moment. Finally, she murmurs: “You’ll just have to wait and see.”

Nodding slowly, you fluff up your pillow a little and then close your eyes. You’re not going to get a full night’s sleep, but you might as well try.

 

Avoiding your roommates works for exactly two days. On both Monday and Tuesday, you sneak out of the house before Noora and Eskild wake up and make sure to run straight to your room when you get home, locking the door.

 

But when you come home on Wednesday shortly after lunch, Eskild is waiting by your bedroom, arms crossed and Leila standing next to him with her head held high.

“Hello Isak”, he says cheerfully, but the soft undertone in his voice tells you he’s concerned.

 

You turn on your heels to leave again, but Noora’s already there, blocking the front door while Agarba eyes you suspiciously.

“We need to talk, Isak”, she says softly, and the worried expression on her face makes you swallow hard.

“Just leave me alone, you two”, you try to yell, but it only comes out as a weak croak. Salome, who hasn’t moved much all day, crawls out from underneath your scarf and nudges your neck with her head.

 

And that’s all it takes for your walls to finally crumble. With a deep sigh, you look up at Noora and then at Eskild.

“Fine, but can I get a glass of water first?”

Eskild rushes over to grab onto your elbow and Noora puts a hand on your other shoulder. Like two bodyguards, they walk you to the kitchen, where Eskild fills a glass for you. A minute later, you’re all sitting on the big couch in the living room, Leila and Agarba facing the three of you with matching expressions of concern. Salome is sitting on your shoulder now and, while you take off your scarf and jacket, she climbs down your arm and sits down on your thigh, looking at Agarba and Leila..

When your shoes are lying next to your jacket and scarf on the floor, Eskild sighs dramatically and turns to look at you. “What’s going on in there?” he asks and gently taps your temple with his index finger.

You swat at his hand and frown at him angrily but, before you can snap at him, Noora clears her throat.

“Isak, we’re just worried”, she says simply, and you turn to look at her. She bites her lower lip before she adds: “You’ve barely eaten anything since Monday night and you’ve been avoiding us.”

 

You shrug and try to put on an indifferent expression. “So what? I never eat much anyway.” Salome’s tail twitches traitorously, but Eskild doesn’t have to look at her to know you’re putting up a front.

He throws up both hands and scowls at you. “Isak, cut the crap. You have that _ look  _ on your face again, like when I first met you, and it breaks my heart to see you like this. If not for yourself, you  _ have _ to let out whatever is bothering you for  _ my _ sake, because I  _ can’t  _ take it, okay?”

 

You watch him warily, but somehow you can’t bring yourself to be mad at him. Eskild really is like a father to you. A very flamboyant, always over-dressed and dramatic father, but a father nonetheless. So you give him the tiniest of smiles before leaning back into the pillows with a sigh.

“Okay, Eskild, I need you to NOT freak out, alright?”, you say, trying to give him a stern look. Your roommate holds up both hands in a defensive gesture.

“I don’t freak out,  _ ever _ !”

Both you and Noora laugh at that, and even Leila can’t suppress a chuckle. “Fine”, Eskild sighs , scowling first at his daemon and then at you and Noora. “I will  _ try  _ to freak out as little as possible.”

 

You smile a little before taking another deep breath. “I think … well, by now I know … ugh”, you begin and bury your face in your hands. Luckily, neither Eskild or Noora says anything. Peeking at them from between your fingers, you see them exchanging a look, and Noora shrugs with a gentle smile.

“I’m gay”, you whisper, suddenly feeling your heartbeat in your ears.

Closing your eyes, you wait for Eskild to start squealing or for Noora to ask a hundred questions at once. However, neither of those things happen.

Instead, you hear the distinct clap of two palms being slapped together. You look up to find Eskild grinning as if today was Christmas, Easter and his damn birthday all at once and Noora smiling at him with a  _ “Fine, you win” _ kind of expression.

 

“I  _ told _ you, Noora!”, Eskild calls and then he pulls you into a tight hug, squeezing all the air out of your lungs. “I knew it, I  _ knew _ it, I’m so happy, Isak!”, he giggles as you try to get out of his embrace. From the corner of your eye, you see Leila and Agarba looking at you, so much fondness in their eyes it almost makes you cry. Salome is pacing on your thigh, looking from Leila to Agarba and back, as if she couldn’t believe that they were actually there.

 

“I can’t breathe, Eskild, damn it”, you growl at him once you manage to wiggle out of his arms. But somehow you can’t help but laugh a little.  _ That was a lot easier than expected.  _

“How did you … I mean, how long have you known?” Noora asks when you lie back into the pillows again, feeling ten times more relaxed than a minute go.

The question makes you tense up.  _ Right. _

You clear your throat and close your eyes for a second, trying to ignore the knots tying your stomach together again.

Noora gives you an apologetic look, but Eskild isn’t as subtle.

“So, what’s his name?”, he asks, putting a hand on your shoulder and winking at you.

Scowling at him, you bury your face in your hands again for a moment.  _ Ugh, this sucks. _

 

“Even”, you say and look up again, but before either of your roommates can say anything you add: “But nothing happened, at least … not really.”

Eskild claps excitedly. “Even, what a nice name.”

“It’s like, the second most common male name in Norway, Eskild”, Noora says, but Eskild ignores her.

“So, when can we meet him?”

“Never”, you say  and look at your knees, blinking away the tears welling up in your eyes.

“What? Why?”, Eskild asks but Noora shushes him. They both take a deep breath and then you feel Noora’s hand on your back.

“What happened, Isak?”

Her gentle tone of voice almost makes you burst into tears. You reach out your hand for Salome to climb on and place her on your shoulder, to have her close. Then, you finally look up again, swallowing hard.

 

“Okay, so I met him after my first day at work last week”, you begin, and both Noora and Eskild lean in, listening intently. You tell them everything. From that first meeting in the stairwell at Karlsson’s, to the unexpectedly casual afternoon at the harbour, to the evening when Even walked you home - Eskild squeals when you tell him the only reason you and Even didn’t kiss was him calling your name - to the sort-of-date that went horribly wrong on Monday night.

 

When you finish, you barely have time to look up before Eskild throws his arms around you again.

“Isak, I’m … I’m  _ so _ sorry”, he says and this time, you don’t fight him off. You feel a silent tear running down your cheek as Eskild rubs your back and both he and Noora tell you things you wish you could believe.

 

-”He’ll come around, Isak”

\- “I mean, he obviously likes you.”

  
  


-”I’m sure there is a reason for all this”

 

-”Just try to talk to him again.”

 

At that, you gently disengage yourself from Eskild’s arms and wipe your face. “I can’t talk to him. He ran away from me.”

Noora touches your arm and both she and Eskild shake their heads. “You have a right to know what this is all about”, Noora says, and you remember telling her something similar when her ex William just got up and left for London without telling her anything.

 

And that memory is what makes you realize Noora is right. Sure, you haven’t known Even for long, but he had asked you out on what you are pretty sure was a date, so he can’t just run away and expect you to leave it at that.

 

“Give me my bag”, you say to Eskild, who frowns at you for a moment as if he’s about to ask who the _ hell _ you think you are. But a warning grumble from Agarba shuts him up and he reaches for your backpack lying on the floor next to the couch. You take it from him with a grateful smile. “Thank you.”

 

It takes you half a minute to dig out your phone, during which Eskild asks Noora what she has planned for the rest of the evening. “I’ll just … make dinner I guess and then watch a movie”, Noora tells him and looks over at you. “Have you eaten today, Isak?”

You fish your phone out of a side pocket and toss the backpack to the floor, shaking your head. 

“Not since breakfast”, you tell her and type your code into your phone, ignoring Noora’s scolding look. “I wasn’t hungry, Noora, okay?!”

Both Agarba and Salome sigh at that, and Leila pads over to nudge your knee with her nose.

Noora gets to her feet and Agarba follows her to the kitchen. “Dinner will be ready in about half an hour”, she says and winks at you and Eskild.

 

“Yes, mum”, you say, chuckling quietly, before looking down at your phone again. Eskild watches you with wide eyes for a moment, and then he asks:

“So, are you going to call him?”

 

You shove him slightly, shaking your head. “Are you crazy?” Salome, who’s climbing up your arm, shakes herself and stares at Leila accusingly, who just shrugs.

“What?”, Eskild throws both hands in the air. “You gotta get your man, Isak!”

You roll your eyes at him. “No, drama queen, I’m just gonna text him.” Eskild rolls his eyes as well, sighing dramatically.

“ _ Fine _ , darling, but be creative at least okay?”

 

You frown at your roommate. “Creative?”

Eskild nods excitedly and Leila, who’s now standing next to him, puts her head on his knee, staring up at Salome with a caring look. “Yes, you have to text him in a way that makes him want to write back, you know. Get his attention with a sexy line or something.”

 

You lean back into the cushions with a groan. “I don’t do sexy lines, Eskild.” Closing your eyes, you try to think about what you should tell Even. You think back to the last few moments before he ran off. And for the first time since then, it occurs to you that the look on his face had been  fearful, more than anything else. Not disgusted, not mean, just scared. You’re not entirely sure why, but suddenly you know what to write.

 

 

  * __Hey Even, I hope you’re okay? Whatever it is I said wrong, I didn’t mean to like .. hurt you? Let me know if you wanna talk.__



 

 

Before Eskild or your own insecurity can stop you, you press send and then feel your heartbeat in your throat.

“Sent it”, you tell Eskild who snatches your phone from you to check the damage. You expect him to yell at you or something, but instead, Eskild just stares at your phone for a long moment before handing it back to you with a frown.

“I thought you were mad at him for running from you?”, he asks and runs a hand along Leila’s neck, searching your face for an answer.

But Salome nudges your neck with her nose, and when you pick her up and look at her, you find her giving you a fond smile. “It felt right to say that”, you tell Eskild, and smile back at your daemon.

 

Eskild’s face clears but he still looks a bit confused. “Alright then, Isak. What feels right usually _ is  _ right.”

“Thanks,  _ Guru _ ”, you tell him, making you both laugh. “Come on, let’s help Noora with dinner.”

 

You manage not to check your phone for the rest of the night. Even Linn joins the three of you when you sit down for dinner. Her daemon - an annoyingly cute, grey bunny named Gilbert - usually hides on Linn’s lap and stays out of sight, but tonight he hops around Linn’s legs and looks up at Salome every time Linn asks you a question.

“So, what did you do to make Eskild squeal like a little girl before?” Linn raises an eyebrow at you, and while Eskild sucks in his breath and looks offended, your heart sinks a little and you feel your cheeks heat up.

 

“Uh …” you hesitate for a second, but then you catch Gilbert looking up at you with his big, kind eyes. Linn herself looks at you with gentle curiosity, and suddenly, you wonder why you ever felt like coming out to your roommates - who are the closest thing to a family you have - was a big deal.

So you pluck Salome from your shoulder and stroke her back to steady yourself before clearing your throat. “I … well, I told those two I’m … gay.”

 

Linn nods slowly and takes a swig from her water glass. “Ah, that explains Eskild’s squeals”, she says matter-of-factly, making Eskild roll his eyes at her.

“Excuse me for being excited about not being the only non-straight person in this household after all.” He tries to sound indignant, but the smile he throws your way gives him away.

“That’s good for you though”, Linn says and grins at you, ignoring Eskild. 

 

“Thanks”, you tell her, smiling back hesitantly. Linn doesn’t usually talk much, and for the rest of the meal, the conversation consists mostly of Noora and Eskild discussing their weekend plans. But you’re grateful that Linn apparently doesn’t care about you liking guys, if for no other reason than not having to lie to anyone when you’re at home is a big relief.

 

After dinner, you go back to your room, ignoring Eskild who yells after you: “Don’t text Even again before he replies. You don’t wanna seem desperate, baby boy!” You roll your eyes at Salome who’s sitting on your forearm and shakes her head, and then you finally shut the door of your bedroom behind you.

 

“That went a lot better than I expected”, Salome says as you flop onto your bed and stuff a pillow under your head.

“Yup, it did”, you agree and watch your daemon walk up along your arm. “So, what now?” you ask after a long moment.

Salome sighs and curls up on your shoulder. “No idea. Wait for Even to write back?”

You sigh as well and dig your phone out of your back pocket. “Still nothing.”

“Give him time”, Salome says, and for the first time since Monday evening, you feel something like hope in your heart. You know that the text you sent isn’t perfect, but it’s honest, and that’s all you can do at the moment: be honest and hope for Even to react accordingly.

 

And although you don’t hear from Even that evening, you manage to do some work for university. You’re supposed to hand in your part of a biology project on Friday, and if you don’t finish in time, Sana- your lab partner - is going to kill you.

 

________________________________________________________________________

 

_ You arrive at university earlier than usual on Thursday morning. At first, you wonder why, but then you don’t care anymore when you see HIM standing in the hallway, right across from your locker. Talia is pacing back and forth in front of him, but the second she sees you, she stands still, her ears twitching nervously. Salome freezes on your shoulder, staring at Talia as if she were a ghost. _

_ Even’s wearing the same denim jacket he had on the last time you saw him, and the tight white T-shirt he’s wearing underneath shows off his pecs so perfectly you can feel your heartbeat speed up. He looks up and smiles at you. And. You. Can’t. Move. _

_ “Hei”, Even says  approaching you, slowly and deliberately, his eyes boring holes into your skull. _

_ “Uhm, hi”, you croak, wondering what the fuck you should tell him. _

_ “I’m so sorry, Isak”, Even says, his voice shaking slightly. And before you can react to that, he takes two fast steps towards you, cradles your face with both hands and kisses you. You stumble backwards, but Even moves one hand to your waist, pulling you close. Somehow, your hands find Even’s hips and you try to kiss him back as best as you can without fainting. He sighs against your lips as he kisses you again, and the sound sends a shiver down your spine. Your head is spinning, and just as your back hits the wall and Even is parting your lips with his tongue, you hear a female voice close to your ear. _

 

“Isak Valtersen, you awake?”

  
  


You jump and have to blink three times until Sana’s face comes into focus. She’s clicking her fingers in front of you, looking annoyed. It takes a long moment for you to realize you’re not in an empty hallway with Even but in the University library with Sana, comparing what you’ve written so far for your lab assignment - or at least you should be.

 

“Sorry, Sana”, you groan and rub your eyes, ignoring the rapid beating of your heart. “I’m too tired for this shit.” Shifting in your chair, you catch a glimpse of Salome disappearing into your backpack, apparently embarrassed. 

“Please try to focus for another hour, we have to hand this thing in  _ tomorrow _ ”, Sana says and you nod slowly. Tahir - Sana’s owl daemon - is sitting in front of her on the table, eyeing you suspiciously, and you feel your cheeks blush. Sometimes, you’re almost sure Tahir can read your mind, and that’s why you’re a little scared of Sana sometimes. She knows too much.

“I know, I’m on it”, you tell her and duck behind the screen of your laptop, hoping Sana won’t notice your bright red cheeks. 

 

Sana grins and then focuses on her laptop again. “Good. I like what you’ve written so far, I’m just correcting some of the grammar mistakes.”

You nod slowly and focus on the last few paragraphs of Sana’s part of the assignment. “I can’t find any mistakes here, at least not so far”, you tell her, peeking at her over the top of your laptop.

Sana raises an eyebrow at you. “Didn’t think you would”, she retorts, but you hear the slightest hint of sarcasm in her voice. “So, are you done?”

“Five more minutes”, you tell her, clearing your throat and sitting up straighter.

 

Barely an hour later, you and Sana leave the library with the finished, printed assignment, ready to hand in the next day. Tahir is perched on Sana’s shoulder, looking as if he owned the entire campus, and Salome looks up at him from her spot on your arm with an amused grin. She likes Tahir, even though he acts a bit too proud for her taste sometimes. But by now, both you and Salome know that Sana is much more relaxed than her daemon lets on.

 

Once you’re outside the library, you clear your throat and turn to Sana. “Do you want to, uhm .. join me for a cup of coffee?”

Sana smiles kindly and thinks for a  moment and you see Tahir giving Salome an incredulous stare. “Uh, yes, why not?” she says then, and you grin at her.

“Is KB okay?”

“Sure, I’ll just have a cup of tea, coffee isn’t my thing”, Sana says and chuckles at your shocked expression.

“Not your thing? But Sana, coffee is life!”

 

By the time you’re sitting at the café, both with a steaming mug in your hands, you’re not sure anymore why you invited Sana here. She’s sipping her tea, grinning at you from time to time, but neither of you knows what to say.

 

Finally, Sana puts down her mug and gives you an inquiring look.

“What’s going on with you, Isak?”

Now it’s your turn to raise an eyebrow, but you can feel your cheeks blushing again at the same time. “Uh, what do you mean?”

Sana scowls and Salome ducks under your arm to avoid Tahir’s piercing stare.

“You’re usually much more focussed. Also, I have never seen you half asleep in the middle of the day before”, Sana says and then crosses her arms in front of her chest. “Something’s bothering you.”

 

You sigh deeply and give Sana a long look. Salome nudges your elbow with her nose and as you look down at her, she shakes her head.

“I don’t think I can talk about it, Sana”, you say carefully, giving her an apologetic smile.

Sana nods with a kind smile. “That’s alright.”

Suddenly, you feel bad for making the impression that you don’t trust your biology partner. Because despite the fact that she scares you sometimes, Sana is the kind of person you feel comfortable being honest to.

“It’s just … I kind of liked … someone, and it didn’t work out so …”, you say hesitantly, taking a deep breath to keep the tears from welling up.

Sana briefly touches your lower arm. “Why not?”

“I guess … I think I said something I shouldn’t have?” Suddenly, your heart is beating faster and instead of biting the skin on your wrist as she usually does when you’re about to say something you shouldn’t, Salome is sitting on your lower arm now, staring at Tahir as if he was about to impart wisdom she couldn’t live without.

Sana just nods silently, and before you can think better of it, you go on. “I talked about my mother and her … condition.”

 

You exhale deeply and close your eyes for a moment before you dare look at  Sana again. You haven’t told her about your mother’s mental illness. So far, only Jonas, Mahdi and Magnus know. They are all totally cool about it - particularly Magnus, whose mum is bipolar as well - but you’re still terrified of telling other people.

However, Sana takes you by surprise with her reaction. You’re not sure what you expected, but it surely wasn’t her staring at you angrily. “Whatever it is your mother has, you telling someone you like about it should NEVER change how they feel about you!” she almost spits, and Tahir briefly spreads his wings in a threatening gesture.

You jump a little and stare at Sana, feeling a mix of shock and awe.

“Okay, thank you for that”, you mumble, unsure what else to say.

Sana frowns a little and leans forward, picking up her cup again. “How do you know telling them about your mother was a mistake anyway?” she asks and takes a sip of tea.

 

You sit up straighter in your chair and take a big gulp of coffee before answering. 

“Well, let me put it this way: One minute we were sitting on a park bench and I finally found the courage to talk about my mother to someone else than my best friends, and the next minute - I was sitting there alone.” You put down your mug and bury your face in your hands for a second.When you look back up, Sana is making a face.

“That doesn’t mean they ran because your mother isn’t healthy”, she says, and you can’t help but marvel at her incredible tactfulness: So far Sana hasn’t asked what your mother is suffering from nor did she want to know who it is you like. You always knew she was discreet, but you’ve never appreciated that fact more than right now.

 

“Maybe they got scared, ever think of that?”, Sana continues, and that makes you frown at her. You take a sip of your coffee before you answer.

“Scared of what? My mother isn’t dangerous.”

 

Sana rolls her eyes at you. “No, of course she isn’t. But maybe the person you talked to is dealing with their own daemons and you talking about your mother’s issues reminded them of that. And then they got scared you would notice if they kept seeing you and lose interest?”

 

You frown at that, thinking back to Even’s expression when you mentioned your mother’s illness. And that’s when it hits you. Even’s face had turned into a stone cold mask of _ fear _ . Not disgust, not apprehension, not disdain. Just fear of your fucking judgement and arrogance.

 

You fall back in your chair and feel as if you’d just been thrown off a cliff. Salome clings on to your upper arm and buries her head in your jacket, groaning faintly.  _ Of fucking course you freaking moron. _

_ At least it’s better than living with my depressed mum. _ Your own words are ringing in your head like angry church bells, and you have to fight the urge to slap yourself. 

 

“Fuck”, you let out, and finally look up at Sana.

She’s watching you with a knowing smile. “Don’t just assume things about people, it’s … not fair”, she states and strokes Tahir’s feathers. 

You nod silently and let out a groan before downing the rest of your coffee in one gulp. “What the fuck should I do now?” you say more to yourself than to Sana. Salome is sitting on your shoulder now, and you feel her tiny claws digging into your skin through your T-shirt. She’s just as petrified as you are.

 

Sana however just smiles smugly and empties her mug before she shrugs and says: “Well, I think you should probably try to reach out to them.”

Tahir nods slowly with a long look at Salome that makes her shudder. You ignore the cold shiver running down your spine at the thought of facing Even again. Not because you don’t want to see him again, on the contrary: You’re scared that he will never forgive you for being so goddamn stupid.

 

“I don’t know if I can do that, Sana”, you murmur quietly, but Sana just shakes her head with quiet “tssk”.

“Just … be nice. No one ever died from admitting they were wrong about something”, she says and chuckles when you make a face.

“Okay, I guess you’re right.” You reach for Salome, who is not as tense anymore now that Tahir isn’t watching her any longer but cleaning his feathers with his beak. Setting her down on your palm, you look at her and you both nod quietly at each other.  _ Alright then. _

 

Sana smiles brightly at you and then gets to her feet, putting her jacket back on. “I have to be home for dinner”, she says and you get up as well, nodding at her.

“Yeah, and I have to … figure some shit out.”

 

While you walk to the tram stop together, neither you or Sana says a word. You’re too busy trying to keep your head from spinning to talk. Sana seems to know and just walks beside you in silence with Tahir perched on her shoulder. Salome can’t decide whether to sit on your shoulder or hide in your jacket. By the time you reach the tram stop, she’s crawled back and forth three times, and you end up picking her up to stop her from making your thoughts race even faster.

“Cool it, Sal”, you whisper and stroke her back in an attempt to soothe you both. You catch Sana grinning to herself as she sits down on the bench, but she still doesn’t say anything.

 

“Uh, I think I’ll walk home from here”, you say, clearing your throat. 

“Okay, see you tomorrow then”, Sana says kindly, and once again, you’re grateful for the fact that Sana doesn’t need to talk much to say a lot. Salome lifts her head to exchange an appreciative nod with Tahir, and you wait for Sana to look up into your eyes to tell her:

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome”, she replies simply, and you hesitate for a few seconds before adding: 

“And if you ever need … advice on something…” You make a face and give an embarrassed chuckle. “I’ll try not to be shit at giving it, okay?”

Sana laughs shortly. “I’ll keep it in mind.”

“Good”, you give back and with that, you turn around and walk down the street.

 

Walking home is a good idea. You’ve barely walked down two streets when you realize your breathing has slowed down and your head starts to clear. Salome climbs up on your shoulder and takes a deep breath of the cool evening air.

“I feel better?” she says quietly, making you laugh.

“I’m not sure if I feel better or just … a different kind of shitty?”

Salome shrugs and nudges your neck with her head. “At least you know Even doesn’t think you’re crazy.”

You shake your head and sigh deeply. “ _ Most likely _ he doesn’t. But I still don’t know what the fuck I should do?”

Salome is about to reply when you hear your phone buzzing in your pocket. You dig it out and suck in your breath when you see a text from Even.

 

_ I’m sorry for not replying until now. Spending time with you was awesome, but I don’t think I can see you again. It’s better this way, believe me. I’m not good for you in ways I can never explain. Please don’t hate me. I’ll never forget you, Isak.   _

_ PS: On second thought, do hate me if you want. “Blame it on my ADD, baby :)” _

 

Your knees go weak and you suddenly find it hard to breathe. That text would have been devastating enough to read an hour ago. But now, having realized that you interpreted Even’s reaction to hearing about your mother completely wrong, you feel like screaming.

_ Fuck, NO! _

 

But this time, your daemon thinks clearer than you. “Call him. Ask him where he is”, she says, her voice calm and steady, and you know she’s right. So you lean against a wall and dial Even’s number before you lose your nerve.

 

He picks up after the third ring sounding tired, as if he’d just woken up. “Hello?”

“Even!” You let out a long breath of relief. “Where are you?”

Silence. For a few moments, all you hear is Even breathing, and you’re really glad that he hasn’t hung up yet, but still … You’re about to repeat the question when Even speaks again.

“Vigeland’s Park.” 

You roll your eyes.  _ Of freaking course _ he has to be halfway across town. “Good.” You start walking back to the tram stop while trying to think of what to say to Even. “I have a feeling I know why you … sent that text.”

Even doesn’t reply, but you’re almost sure you hear him suck in a breath. 

“I told you, I love my mum, right? She’s stubborn and thinks God is better than doctors and meds, but at the end of the day … I just love her, just the way she is.” A shuddering breath escapes you and you close your eyes for a second before adding: “And that’s never going to change. No matter how bad she gets, I will always love my mum.”

 

You listen to Even breathing for a few more seconds, hoping that you babbling on about loving your mum sends the right message.  _ What if I’m wrong? What if Sana is wrong? _

But then, Even sighs deeply and clears his throat. “I will hurt you, Isak. Because of the way I am, I will be mean and unfair to you, and one day, you will come to hate me.”

You shake your head until you realize Even can’t see you. “I will never hate you, Even”, you all but yell into your phone.

 

Finally, you’ve reached the tram stop and you jump onto the tram that’s about to leave. “Give me ten minutes, okay? I don’t want to … sort this out over the phone.”

You have no idea where the confidence in your voice comes from, but you’re glad for it. Because after another long sigh, Even says: “Okay”, before hanging up.

 

The damn tram ride takes too long. You tap your foot the entire way there while Salome crawls up and down your arm again, mumbling nervously to herself. Finally, the tram stops in front of Vigeland’s Park, and you all but sprint to the entrance.

 

It’s already dark by now and you wonder how you’re going to find Even like this. He didn’t tell you where exactly in the park he was. But you’ve barely walked twenty metres into the park when you hear a song playing. It takes only a moment until you recognize it: “Sail” by Awolnation. Instinctively, you slow down, remembering the last sentence of Even’s text.

 

_ Blame it on my ADD baby.  _

 

That line is so fitting it almost breaks your heart right then and there. But somehow, you manage to keep walking.

 

And sure enough, after a few more steps you spot Even sitting on a bench, his face in his hands. His phone is lying on the bench next to him, still playing the same song, and Talia is lying curled up at his feet, looking deflated and miserable.

 

_ This is how I show my love. _

 

You walk towards him slowly, unsure whether you should say something. When you hear a suppressed sob escaping Even’s throat, you decide against it. Salome is perched on your shoulder now, and when Talia lifts her head and gets up, you freeze and stare at her in surprise.

 

_ I made it in my mind because _

_ I blame it on my ADD baby. _

 

Ever since Even ran away from you, you’ve convinced yourself that whatever you felt that evening outside of your building must have been one-sided. You had craved someone’s affection so badly despite feeling that you didn’t deserve it, that you just let yourself believe Even wanted you as much as you wanted him. That’s what this was. He obviously never truly cared about you, otherwise how could he have just walked away like that? But when you got his text, that conviction had begun to crumble.

 

And now, Talia shatters the remainder of your doubts by running towards you without hesitation and leaning her head against your knee. After a few moments, you crouch down and, without thinking, run your hand through her fur. Salome jumps over your hand and buries her head at Talia’s neck, making a soothing sound.

 

Talia closes her eyes and leans into your touch, prompting you to put your arm around her. You can feel her shudder under your touch and, almost involuntarily, you let out a gentle “shh” in an attempt to soothe. Talia’s breathing slows quickly, and she buries her head in the crook of your neck, obviously trusting you completely. “You’re here, Isak”, she states after a while, the trustful tone of her voice sending a shiver down your spine.

_ How do you know I won’t mess everything up?  _ you think, but you don’t say that out loud. Instead, you lean your cheek against Talia’s and whisper: “Yes, I’m here, it’s okay.” Talia nudges your neck with her nose and lets out a long, drawn-out sigh before she moves back and returns to her spot at Even’s feet.

 

Even is looking at you now, and his expression makes you want to slap yourself.  _ You fucking idiot. How could you ever think this was about you? _

He looks mortified, as if he were sitting on that bench stark naked, and all you want to do is hug him and tell him he has no reason to be ashamed of anything. However, before the words make it out of your throat, Even speaks.

“Don’t look at me”, he croaks and hides his face in his hands again.

Staring blankly at Even, you shake your head.  _ That didn’t work on you when I said it, it’s not gonna work on me either. _

 

You approach Even like you would a wounded deer, slowly and carefully. Kneeling down in front of him, you hesitate for a second before you put a hand on his knee. Even looks up at you with an expression that makes you want to cry. He looks so sad and scared, as if he were the idiot here. You cradle the side of his face with your other hand and he leans into it, closing his eyes.

“I’m so sorry Even”, you manage to get out, but Even just shakes his head, eyes still closed.

Your thumb caresses his temple and for a while, you just stay like this, drinking him in, immensely relieved that he isn’t pushing you away.

 

“You should go”, Even says after a while, sounding so miserable you feel your heart sink to the floor. But still, you manage to clear your throat and straighten up to sit down next to him. You take Even’s hand and lace your fingers together, slowly and deliberately, and lean your head on his shoulder.

“Not a fucking chance, Even”, you tell him, and you could swear you hear his breath catch a little. So you look up and reach over with your free hand to lift Even’s chin. He sighs deeply and then opens his eyes, those beautiful eyes, usually so full of joy and life. They’re empty now, and Even looks so tired, as if he hadn’t slept in years.

 

_ This is how an angel dies _

_ Blame it on my own sick pride _

_ Blame it on my ADD baby _

 

You fight back the tears welling up in the corners of your eyes and shake your head, slowly and deliberately to show Even you’re serious. “I’m not leaving you alone”, you say, looking deep into his eyes and squeezing his hand. “You can’t scare me away, it won’t work.”

 

Even’s lips curve into the ghost of a smile. “You’re stubborn, huh?”

 

“Hell yeah I am”, you say, nodding slowly, and you’re almost sure you can hear Salome chuckle at that. Talia however just leans her head against your knee, you feel a pool of warmth spread from that spot into your entire body. No other person’s daemon has ever touched you like this, apart from your mother’s, but Talia’s touch feels right, almost familiar.

 

“Okay”, Even says quietly after a while and then moves back to touch his forehead to yours. You feel your heart hammering against your chest when it hits you what Even just said.

“Okay?”, you ask quietly and Even nods slowly and lets out a long breath that tickles your face and sends a shiver down your spine.

“Yeah”, he murmurs and then leans back a little, taking your hand in his. “I think I should go home though. My mom must be worried by now, I told her I’d be home after school.”

 

You squeeze Even’s hand and smile at him. “Sure, I’ll walk you home.” Getting to your feet with Even, you feel as if a heavy weight has just been lifted off your shoulders. You don’t let go of Even’s hand as you walk out of the park, Talia following close behind you.

 

Neither of you says anything for a while. You just walk in silence, and at one point you realize Salome never left Talia’s fur. Smiling to yourself, you squeeze Even’s hand, feeling all the tension from the past few days dissolve into smoke.  _ We’re okay. We’re gonna be okay. _

 

When Even finally speaks, his voice is still heavy, but it sounds just a tiny bit less hopeless.

“How did you know?”

You swallow hard and try to smile at him. “Well … I didn’t get it right away.” Clearing your throat, you make sure Even is looking into your eyes before you go on. “At first, I thought you didn’t want to have anything to do with me … because of my mum?”

Only now that you’re saying the words out loud you realize how ridiculous they sound. “I mean, I thought that maybe you assumed I was … sick too and … “

Even doesn’t let you finish. Without saying a word, he lets go of your hand and throws both arms around you.

“You’re a bit thick sometimes, you know that?”, he whispers, making you grin slightly. 

You wrap your arms around his waist and pull him closer, breathing him in. “Yeah, I know.”

From the corner of your eye you notice Talia leaning against both your and Even’s legs, and Salome is still clinging to her fur like a friendly tick, making soothing little sounds. 

After thinking you would never see Even again for the better part of a week, being so close to him is overwhelming. Closing your eyes, you run your hands up and down Even’s back while he just clings to you, his breath tickling your neck.

“Why did you think that?” he asks finally, sounding incredulous.

 

You almost laugh. “I know it sounds stupid, but it made sense to me okay?” Even slowly disengages himself from you and takes your hand again. He’s almost smiling when he looks at you this time as you keep walking.

 

“Well, anyway, a good friend of mine talked some sense into me today. And barely half an hour later, you sent that damn text.”

Even looks at his shoes. “I’m sorry … I just … “ He trails off, and you squeeze his hand to make him look at you again.

“I get it. It’s okay, really.”

 

You don’t talk anymore after that until you reach Even’s house. “You still live with your parents, right?”, you say, not sure if you’re trying to lighten the mood or just don’t want to say goodbye to Even yet.

Even nods. “Yup. As you can imagine, they like to keep an eye on me.”

The abashed tone in his voice makes your heart contract a little. “Well, if you ever need some space … You know where I live.”

You’re not sure what made you say that. But the grateful look in Even’s eyes convinces you it was worth it. “Yeah, thanks.”

 

The silence between you isn’t awkward, but you still sense that you have to leave Even alone now. “So, I guess I’ll see you …” you begin, and Even interrupts you with a short nod.

“On Monday?” He looks at you hopefully, chewing his lower lip.

“Uh, yeah, I’ll be there”, you tell him and before you can wonder whether or not you should hug Even again, he releases your hand and pulls you into his arms.

“Thank you”, he murmurs against your neck, his warm breath making you shiver. You wrap both arms around  him too, trying hard not to think about the last time you were standing outside a building like this.  _ Don’t be a dick, Valtersen. _

 

“Any time”, you say and reluctantly let go of him. Even smiles weakly and then digs out a key from his pocket. “Let me know if … you want to talk. Before Monday, I mean”, you add, and Even nods slowly.

“I will.”

As he pushes the door open, Salome jumps onto your outstretched palm and Talia follows Even inside. Both of them look back at you with a mix of longing and relief in their eyes - or at least you think so.

“See you soon, Isak”, Even says before closing the door behind him.

 

You hold Salome in your hand on the entire way home. Neither of you speak, but stroking your daemons back helps ground you enough not to lose your mind.

Sure, Even talked to you, and he seemed to want to see you again. But you still wish you could have stayed with him.  _ We have so much to talk about. _

 

In the end, you comfort yourself with the thought that you will see him again on Monday. Until then, you have at least one party to attend - your boys will have your head if you cancel, you’re sure of it. And that is bound to take your mind off worrying about Even too much. 

  
Or so you think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo what do you think will happen next? Will Isak see Even on Monday? Or ... ?? Let me know what you think! Reading and answering comments gives me life!! <3


	7. Stop running

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even has to see Isak again ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a switch of perspective at the end. The last scene just had to be from Isak's POV, I hope you can forgive me ... I have tortured you long enough :-p

Waking up on Friday morning feels like being reborn. You haven’t slept well since Monday, but after saying goodbye to Isak on Thursday, you fell into bed and slept like a stone for twelve hours. Luckily, you have your alarm preset for every weekday, otherwise you definitely would have overslept.

“Today will be a good day”, you say to Talia while pulling a fresh T-shirt over your head. Your daemon chuckles quietly and gets up from the couch where she’s been sitting ever since you got up.

“It’s Friday after all.”

You grin at her, suddenly feeling excited. “Didn’t Axel talk about a party at a second year students’ house?”

Talia frowns, and gets up from the sofa. “Uh, yeah, he mentioned it when he called to ask if you’re back from the dead on Tuesday.”

You wince at the memory and open the wardrobe to get out your favourite blue hoodie. “Ugh, that was a bad day.”

 

“Every day since Monday has been a bad day”, Talia adds and leans her head against your legs from behind. “I’m glad today is better.”

You kneel down and slide your arm around your daemon, burying your face in her neck. “Meeting Isak always does something to me, doesn’t it?”, you wonder, and Talia’s chuckle runs through your entire body, making you feel warm from head to toe.

“He really is something”, your daemon murmurs. _He’s more than just .. something._

You straighten up again and reach for your watch lying on the desk. “He is. Which is why I have to see him again. Before Monday.”

And with that, you open the door and walk out into the hall. Talia follows, wagging her tail excitedly. “What are you going to wear?”

You’re already in the bathroom, trying to tame your hair. There is always that one curl which refuses to stay where it’s supposed to be.

“I have no idea, Tal”, you tell her, and the mere thought of seing Isak makes you feel light-headed.

_Hopefully he will be there._

“Well, you better make it a damn good look”, Talia states, and you bend down to pat her head.

“Alright, let’s get me and your overthinking ass to work first before planning twenty outfits, shall we?”

_________________________________________________________________________________

 

The day  passes agonisingly slowly. At lunchtime, you text Axel to find out where that party is going to be.

During the afternoon, Andres has to help you several times, because you just can’t seem to focus on anything. At four o’ clock, Andres sends you home. “There isn’t much work to do anymore, and I have a feeling you can’t focus anyway”, he tells you with smirk. “Any plans for tonight?”

You grin at him and nod. “Yeah, kind of.” Talia sniggersand gives Ximena a meaningful look, and you feel yourself blush a little.

Andres presses his lips together to suppress a smile.“Alright, have fun then.”

He pats your shoulder and before he can say anything else, you’re already out of the office, Talia following on your heels.

“Finally!” your daemon says as soon as you’re outside and runs a few steps ahead of you, shaking her fur nervously.  “How early can you arrive at that party without seeming like a dork?”

 

You roll your eyes at her. “Tal, we are meeting Axel at 8pm, will you freaking chill?”

But you’re just as excited as she is. After the rather sad goodbye last night, you can’t wait to smile at Isak again and to see him smile back - hopefully.

“What if he’s sick of me already, though?”, you add after a while, making Talia snort.

“Sure, that’s why he took a tram across town and walked you home last night, because he’s sick of you.”

Your hands are suddenly shaking. “I know, but maybe he just did that because he felt bad? And now he realised I’m a crazy idiot who will just make his life difficult …”

Talia growls loudly to interrupt you. “Even, fuck it, just STOP!”

You freeze in your tracks, staring at her. Your daemon hardly ever raises her voice, and she’s never yelled at you before. Kneeling down to face her , you notice she’s really upset. Her eyes are open wide, her nostrils are shaking and when she speaks again, she even bares her teeth.

“Will you just for ONCE allow yourself to hope a little?”

You’re still so shocked you can’t speak, but after a few moments, you nod slowly and reach out to run a hand through Talia’s fur. “I’ll try”, you croak and the grunt that escapes your daemon’s throat almost sounds reassuring.

“You’re not a fucking coward, and I refuse to let you behave like one”, she adds and leans her head at your shoulder. You put both arms around her, burying your face in her fur.

“I don’t want to be a coward, but I’m still scared.”

Talia turns her head to nudge your neck with her nose. “WE are scared. That’s okay.I believe you like quoting someone who said something like: ‘Courage isn’t the absence of fear’ or something.”

You scoff quietly. “Haha, yeah, you’re right.”

Straightening up again, you clear your throat, still staring  at your daemon. “Alright, so, let’s go home shall we?”

Talia grins at you and nods. “I just hope you won’t freak out ten times before we leave the house again.”

That makes you laugh. “I promise it won’t be ten times.”

 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

 

“Is there a particular reason why you look so sharp today, son?”

 

Groaning quietly, you turn away from the bathroom mirror to face your mum, trying to hide the fact that you’re blushing. “I’m going to a party, Mum?”

Talia groans quietly and ducks behind the sink. _Shut up, Tal._

But your mother knows you too well. She opens the door and walks in, and Petter shoots into the bathroom, trying to catch Talia’s eye. Your daemon is looking at her paws, shaking her head.

“Sure, but I don’t remember the last time you changed three times and tried several different hairstyles before going out”, your mother says with a knowing smirk on her face.

She steps behind you, seemingly casual, but Petter is fluttering around her head like a  wasp, giving away her excitement.

“Mum, seriously, why do you care?”, you sigh and turn back to the mirror, combing your hair back into a quiff.

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that, Even”, your mother huffs and comes up behind you, resting her chin on your shoulder. “What’s their name?”, she adds in a whisper, and you feel a wave of affection for her wash over you. You came out as bisexual only 3 months ago, and both your parents have never so much as batted an eye about it. Particularly your mother was very clear from day one that she not only didn’t have a problem with you being bi but actually made a point of checking out boys and girls together with you - although that usually just made you uncomfortable.

 

You sigh again and when your mum slides an arm around your waist, you put your hand over hers and look at her through the mirror. “His name is Isak”, you murmur quietly, and your mum’s face lights up with a bright smile.

“What a beautiful name!”

“I know”, you tell her, smiling back at her. “But don’t tell dad”, you add and gently disengage yourself from her embrace. “I can’t take his teasing just yet.”

“I promise I will not breathe a word to him”, your mum says and raises a hand to ruffle through your hair, but you swat her hand away.

“Eh, this was a lot of hard work”, you tell her indignantly, pointing to your quiff. She bursts out laughing, and you can’t help but laugh with her.

Once you’ve both calmed down, you take one last look at yourself in the mirror. But before you can find a million things wrong with your outfit and hair, your mum rests her chin on your shoulder again, smiling proudly.

“You’re so handsome, Even.”

You blush a little and lean back against her, letting her embrace you. “Thanks, mum.”

You catch Talia shooting a grateful look up at Petter, who’s perched on top of your mother’s head, looking pleased with himself.

“Alright, now go out there and get this boy”, your mother adds and lets go of you to pat your shoulder. “I expect you both at breakfast tomorrow morning.”

You turn away from the mirror to avoid seeing yourself blush and shove your mother lightly. “Oh my god, Mum, STOP!”

Rushing past her, you check your pockets while walking out into the hallway. _Wallet, keys, phone, all there. Good._

“I’m kidding!”, your mum says defensively, following you and Talia to the hall. “But I’m sure he will not be able to stay away from my beautiful son for long.”

You stick your tongue out at her while sliding on your newest black and white sneakers and then decide to throw your denim jacket over your shoulder. At least right now, you’re too warm to wear it anyway.

Your mum is now leaning in the doorway of the bathroom, watching you with an amused grin.

“Bye mum”, you say and kiss her cheek, ignoring Petter’s excited chirping.

“See you later, Even”, she says and waves at you as you walk out the door, Talia following on your heels.

 

Axel is waiting for you at the bus stop, smoking a joint. His daemon - a beautiful labrador named Lara - jumps up at the sight of you and hurries over to bump noses with Talia.

“Hey buddy”, Axel says and you high-five him and give him a hug.

“You ready for this?”, you ask him, pointing a finger at him. Axel grins and nods slowly, handing the joint over to you.

“Born ready, as always.”

You take a drag  and breathe out the smoke in circles, trying to calm your nerves. _He’s bound to be there, relax._ After the second drag, you give the joint back to Axel.

“So whose party is this anyway?”

Axel chuckles slightly and takes another deep drag before answering. “One of my brother’s classmates I think. Some girl named Maya, they have a few classes together.”

You throw a curious look at him. “How did you get invited to this party? I know Magnus didn’t invite you, he doesn’t appreciate you ruining his chances with girls.”

Axel throws his head back and laughs, and you catch Lara rolling her eyes at him. “What chances, man? My brother ruins those all on his own the second he arrives at a party.”

The glint you see in his eye now almost scares you a bit. “No, one of Maya’s hot friends invited me. She has the hots for me that one.”

You shake your head and giggle while taking the joint from Axel. “The best of luck to you.”

 

Before you know it you’re standing in the hallway of a fancy apartment somewhere in Løkka. You kick off your shoes, hang your jacket on a hook on the wall and give Axel a pat on the shoulder. “I’m gonna get a beer, do you want one?”

Axel shakes his head whilst looking past you and you know he  is already checking out some girl. Shaking your head, you turn to look at Talia. “Do you think he even remembers the name of the girl who invited him?”

Talia sniggers and scowls at Axel’s back. “I doubt it.”

 

You find a beer in the biggest fridge you’ve ever seen and then slowly walk into the living room. Popping the can open, you scan the room carefully. Talia lets out a warning growl, but you’ve already seen him.

 

Isak is standing in a corner of the room, awkwardly sipping on a beer. As smoothly as possible you step aside to hide behind a bookshelf. You lean against the wall and take a deep breath. _Focus, damn it._

You peer around the bookshelf and make sure Isak hasn’t spotted you. But he’s busy staring at his beer, apparently lost in thought. So you allow yourself a moment to take him in. He looks good. Very good actually. He’s wearing a tightly fitting dark grey T-shirt with the words “Nobody home” printed on it and matching black skinny jeans. His hair is a hot mess, making you want to run your fingers through it.

Suddenly, Talia bumps your knee with her head. She presses her wet nose against your hand and lets out a soft whine. “Are we going to stand here all night?”

“Shh!” you hiss at her, leaning back at the wall again. “I don’t know, okay?”

You bite your lower lip and try to think of something to say to Isak. He’s standing there all alone, and as far as you can tell, Emma isn’t anywhere near him this time. You  couldn’t bear  to see her dancing around Isak again, trying to kiss him every chance she gets. At the party last week, you had been very close to walking over and tearing them apart.

“I wonder why Emma isn’t harassing Isak tonight”, Talia voices your thoughts and you snigger quietly.

“Let’s hope she found a more willing victim.”

Taking a small step forward, you look over at Isak again, and only now do you notice that Salome is nowhere to be seen. “Talia, where’s Salome?”

Your daemon looks up at you and then over at Isak, her ears suddenly perked up. “Something’s off”, she murmurs and you lean forward a bit more to look closer at Isak’s face. Talia’s right. Isak looks … uncomfortable, almost scared. Talia growls quietly and just like her, you feel the immediate urge to go over there and make sure Isak is alright.

But something holds you back. And when a tall guy walks up to Isak and says something that makes Isak grin awkwardly, you suddenly know what it is.

 

You feel embarrassed. Isak saw you in the most vulnerable state you’ve ever let anyone - besides Sonja and your parents - see, and although Isak was so kind and gentle with you, it still makes you feel uncomfortable to think about talking to him. _He must think I’m lame._

Talia hides behind your legs and just when the rest of your enthusiasm and courage is about to leave you, Isak laughs a little bit too loudly for it to be genuine, making you look at his face more closely.

 

He’s staring at the person in front of him with a look of sheer panic on his face, although he’s trying not to show it.

Narrowing your eyes, you move sideways until the face of the guy comes into focus. He is tall, dark-haired and his eyes are roaming Isak’s body with a hunger that makes an angry fire flare up in your stomach. You watch him pin one of Isak’s hands to the wall behind him, just as Talia lets out a low growl. Isak’s face contorts into a painful grimace as you and your daemon start moving closer.

“... come outside”, you hear the guy murmur, and the forcibly seductive tone in his voice makes the fire in your gut burn hotter. You clench both fists and step directly behind the guy, Talia standing close beside you, eyeing the guy’s daemon - a black rat, sitting on his shoulder with a self-satisfied expression - as if she were debating whether or not to bite it’s head off.

“Hello”, you say, your voice forcibly calm. As Tal goes to stand with her body pressed against Isak’s legs.

The guy turns around, hands on his hips, a hideous grin curling his lips upward. “Get lost, kid”, he tells you, but this is one of those times when being taller than most people pays off. Calling you “kid” doesn’t help the fact that the guy is at least half a head shorter than you.

“Get away from Isak”, you snarl, and Talia bares her teeth at the rat.

 

The guy grins broader, crossing his arms in front of his chest. You manage to give Isak what you hope is a reassuring look over the guy’s shoulder. You can’t see Salome, but you’re convinced she’s hiding somewhere, trying her best not to panic, just like Isak.

“I don’t think you’re in a position to order me around”, the guy snaps back, stepping forward until his crossed arms touch your chest.

“Oh I think I am”, you spit at him, not moving an inch. Talia’s threatening hiss echoes inside your head, but you manage to contain your anger by lowering your voice and speaking slowly. “Get your ass out of here or I’ll do it for you.”

 

The rat hisses at Talia, but before the guy can reply, you find yourself flanked by two boys: One is a tall, slender guy wearing a black snapback and the other is a little shorter, with curly hair peeking out from underneath a yellow beanie. They both stare at the guy harassing Isak with angry expressions. Curly-hair’s daemon - a beautiful raven - flies off his shoulder and lands on the chest of drawers next to Isak, nudging his elbow with her beak. Isak smiles weakly, not looking away from you and the two boys. Snapback boy strokes his daemon - a rather angry-looking meerkat, wrapped around his neck - behind her ears as if to keep her from jumping the guy.

“Elias, you have thirty seconds to get out of here”, Curly-hair says, and the guy snorts with laughter.

“Jonas, I don’t think you can just throw me out. I won’t sell you anything anymore,and who else is gonna get you the good stuff?”

Jonas shrugs and gives the guy another angry glare. “I honestly don’t give a fuck. You fuck with my friends, you fuck with me. Just get out.”

 

The guy stares at the three of you, and as if on cue, you all fold your arms in front of your chests simultaneously. “Just go”, snapback boy adds and his voice is almost as low as Talia’s growl.

 

With another snort, the guy throws up both hands and then turns away. “Aight bitches. You’d better get Isak here a girl soon though. I sense serious homo vibes coming from him.”

Snapback boy gives an angry hiss and is about to jump the guy from behind, but Jonas holds him back by his shoulder.

“Don’t bother Mahdi, he’s not worth it”, he says calmly.

The guy walks out of the door, however not without throwing another dirty smirk in Isak’s direction. Isak squirms and throws a grateful look at his two friends, apparently lost for words. When his eyes meet yours however, he freezes and just stares at you for what feels like an eternity. But then, he shivers slightly and looks down at his feet.

Instinctively, you step forward and are about to pull him into a hug, when a stifled groan escapes Isak’s throat and he ducks away between you and Jonas, making a beeline for the front door.

 

Before you can follow him, Mahdi puts a hand on your shoulder. “Give him a few minutes”, he says quietly and then holds out his other hand to you. “I’m Mahdi, by the way, and this is Roya.”

You shake his hand and Talia hesitantly nods at his daemon, who is now perched on his shoulder, her eyes still glued to the front door, which Isak has just slammed shut on his way out. “I’m Even, this is Talia”, you say and then turn to Jonas, who is eyeing you warily.

“Jonas. Maria”, he says curtly with a nod to his raven, who is still sitting on the chest of drawers and gives a short croak in Talia’s direction, making her duck her head behind your knees.

“So, how do you know Isak?”, Jonas goes on, reaching for a beer can on the chest of drawers at the wall.

Clearing your throat, you shift nervously before answering. The look in Jonas’ eyes make you feel like you’re being questioned by a cop. “Uh, we … we both started working at Karlsson’s this month.”

 

Jonas nods curtly. “Right.” And then he frowns at you, making you break out in cold sweat. “Wait, you’re Even! THE Even?” Jonas narrows his eyes and Maria crows excitedly, staring at Talia, who is still hiding behind your legs.

You nod slowly, looking at your shoes and fearing the worst. “Yeah, I’m Even”, you say, expecting both Jonas and Mahdi to yell at you for being an asshole to their friend.

 

But instead, you feel a pat on your shoulder and look up to find a third boy with blond hair beaming at you. He laughs hoarsely and takes your hand in his. “Haha, so good to finally meet you, Even”, he yells a little bit too loudly and pulls you into a tight hug. You pat his back hesitantly, unsure what to think.

“And I thought Isak was going to hide you from us forever”, he adds and lets go of you, still smiling brightly.

 

“Uh, hello”, you manage, and from the corner of your eye you see Talia eyeing the guy’s daemon - a light brown ferret wrapped around his upper arm - suspiciously. “Do I know you?”, you finally add, and the blond boy laughs again, slapping a hand to his forehead.

“Shit, sorry”, he clears his throat and holds out his hand to you again. “I’m Magnus, and this is Sirina”, he points his thumb to his daemon, who smiles gently at both you and Talia. You stare at him and almost drop the beer can you’re still holding.

“Magnus? Axel’s brother?”

Magnus frowns at you. “Uh, yeah?”

You look into his face again and smile broadly, trying to ignore Jonas who is looking from you to Magnus and back as if he were watching a tennis match.

“Your brother and I went to school together. I can’t believe I have never met you before”, you tell him, and suddenly, Magnus’ face lights up with recognition.

“Oh fuck, you’re the Even who always got super good marks for movie projects right?”

Both you and Talia let out a groan, making Magnus and Sirina laugh. Jonas is still staring incredulously at the two of you, apparently unsure what to make of this.

“Guilty as charged”, you say, putting up your hands in defeat. “But Axel was always very good, too.”

 

Magnus raises both eyebrows at you. “From what I’ve seen I don’t think so.”

You feel yourself relax slightly as you laugh with Magnus before you look back at Mahdi and Jonas. “So, you  all go to Uni with Isak?”

Jonas nods  and takes a sip from his beer. “Yep, we do.”

“Are you sure we shouldn’t … go check on him or something?”, you try to say as casually as possible.

_Play it cool, Even._

 

Mahdi grins knowingly and then nods slowly.

“I’ll come with you to check on him if you want. He has been stressed out all night, so maybe we could just bring him a beer and get him to come back inside?”

You’re about to protest when Mahdi catches your eye and gives you a knowing look. Talia opens and closes her mouth in shock, but for some reason you decide to trust Mahdi.

“Okay, yeah, let’s do that”, you say and wave at Jonas and Magnus, who shrug and nod with matching expressions of mild bewilderment.

“Alright, see you guys later”, Magnus calls after you, but both you and Mahdi are already in the hallway, looking for your shoes.

Talia mumbles something inaudible under her breath while pacing at the door, but Roya is watching her with the same knowing look Mahdi gave you moments ago. You struggle to find your jacket amongst the many others that are now hanging on the same hook, especially since your hands are suddenly shaking. _What is going on?_

 

By the time you’ve finally dug up your jacket, Mahdi is already standing at the front door, waiting for you. Following him out into the hall, you wonder what you’re going to say to him. Mahdi leads the way down the stairs, and only when you reach the front door do you realise you forgot something.

“We didn’t bring a beer for Isak”, you tell Mahdi, but he just grins broadly and opens the door for you.

“I think you and I both know Isak doesn’t need a beer right now.”

 

That comment makes you frown. “Do you know something I don’t?”, you ask before Talia can stop you.

Mahdi chuckles slightly and walks a few steps before turning around to face you.

“That guy harassing Isak?” he begins and bites his lower lip, suddenly looking angry again. “He’s been calling Isak gay ever since we were in our first year at Nissen.”

You suck in a breath. “Oh”, you say quietly, and Mahdi nods slowly.

“Isak hates him. But Jonas buys weed from him, so we see him all the time.” He shares a pained look with Roya, and you feel a sudden rush of sympathy for the guy. _You’re a good friend._

“Anyway, what I’m trying to say is: my little sister is gay, and she used to react exactly like Isak when people called her gay before she was out. She hated it, because she hadn’t accepted it herself yet, so she couldn’t bear hearing people say it.”

 

You look at Talia, and the shock on her face matches your own. “So you think …” you begin, but Mahdi puts up a hand to stop you.

“I don’t have a right to assume anything. But I don’t want Isak to be hurt.” He looks up at you, narrowing his eyes slightly.

“I would never hurt him," you say automatically, staring straight into Mahdi’s eyes. Talia groans frustratedly, but you ignore her.

“Good," Mahdi says simply and then points down the street. “About 200 metres that way, there’s a park. Isak might be sitting on a bench somewhere, trying to get his shit together.”

You nod gratefully. “Thanks.”

Talia smiles up at Roya with a mix of wariness and wonder, and just when Mahdi’s about to turn around and go back inside, you call after him.

“Hey Mahdi?”

“Yeah?”

You clear your throat and smile hesitantly. “You’re pretty cool. And tell your sister she’s awesome okay?”

A blinding smile lights up Mahdi’s face. “I will. Thanks, you’re pretty okay, too, I think.”

 

And with that, he leaves you to walk down the street, to the park where you hope to find Isak.

 

**_____________________________________________________________________________________**

_____________________________________________________________________________________

 

For the second time in two weeks, you run from a party to get away from Even. At least you're not feeling sick this time. Seeing Even again would have been stressful enough. But Elias' remark when he caught you looking at Even made you feel like the roof was going to collapse onto your head. _You still like staring at boys too much, don’t you?_

The words are still reverberating in your head, and you are angry at yourself for letting them get to you. Elias is just another idiot, but he has made you feel like a freak a few times before, and this time is no different.

 

You run across the street into the park close to Emma’s house, only stopping when you finally can't hear the street noise anymore. Closing your eyes, you crouch down and bury your head in your hands. Salome is in your hair, walking back and forth, mumbling incoherently to herself.

A few deep breaths later, you pluck Salome off your head and get to your feet. You sit down on the first bench you come across and raise your palm to your face to look at your daemon.

"Why am I such a wuss, Sal?" you ask, making  both of you laugh drily. But before Salome can say anything, you hear footsteps approaching. Panic rises in your throat, and while Salome climbs up your arm to hide in your scarf, you just put your head down and close your eyes in the hope that whoever is about to walk past will ignore you.

However, the footsteps slow down, making your heart beat so hard and fast against your chest you're worried it can be heard from miles away. You can feel Salome clinging to your neck for dear life, her breath coming in short, nervous huffs. And then you smell _his_ cologne and nearly stop breathing.

"Don't open your eyes", Even says softly, and you hear the gravel crackle underneath his shoes as he crouches down in front of you. By now you're convinced he can hear the staccato of your heartbeat, and your hands are gripping your thighs so tightly it hurts. But you keep your eyes closed like Even asked, and the longer he just stays there, breathing with you, the more you relax.

After a while, Even puts his hands on yours, making you gasp. You feel Salome climb down from your shoulders and jump off your arm, and the jolt in your heart lets you know she's in Talia's fur again.

_Traitor._

Even's fingers curl around your wrists and then he hesitantly leans his forehead against yours. Feeling his breath on your face makes you dizzy, but you somehow manage to stay calm.

"Why do you always run from me?" he asks, but it's not an actual question. Even knows everything, you could tell when he locked eyes with you seconds before you stormed out of Maya's apartment.

You shake your head with a sigh. "I don't know", you whisper. "I just … hate Elias"

Even nods against your forehead and you feel his hands run up your arms, leaving trails of fire on your skin.

"Forget about him", he says quietly, and suddenly, your face is between Even's palms. A shaking breath escapes your throat and you just nod, not trusting your voice. And then, you finally dare to touch him. Your right hand finds Even's neck and when you hear his breath hitch, you grow braver, brushing his nose with your own. Slowly, your right arm coils around his shoulders and you cup his face with your free hand.

Even's fingers knot into your hair and he pulls you in until his lips are almost touching yours. At first, you think he's hesitating, but then you realise he's waiting for you to make the final move.

You take a deep breath and then allow your left hand to run through Even's hair. He hums contently as you comb your fingers through his curls, and the sound removes the last bit of doubt from your mind.

_I want you._

Before you lose your nerve, you lean forward until you feel Even's lips on yours. A sigh escapes your throat and you feel Even's fingers tighten in your hair as he kisses you back. The feeling is indescribable. You've kissed a lot of girls, but that has only ever been technical. However, the second Even's lips are on yours, technique is the last thing on your mind.

He kisses you slowly, almost as if he's afraid you'll pull away. But when you tug at his hair to pull him closer, Even moans quietly and then tilts your chin upward, deepening the kiss. You feel light-headed, but still manage to kiss him back, getting braver with every second. You move your left hand to his neck and pull him closer as Even sucks your upper lip, making you gasp. He takes advantage of your open mouth and gently slips his tongue inside. You moan into his mouth as your tongue meets his, your head spinning with want.

Even's hands move to your thighs and he pulls you closer, until you're sitting on the edge of the bench. He's kneeling between your legs now, kissing you hungrily, and you have to wrap both arms around his shoulders to avoid passing out.

_You're going to be the death of me._

You lock your legs around Even's waist possessively in an attempt to take back some control. He gasps and then smiles against your lips, coiling both arms around your waist until your chests are pressed together. He kisses you again, but then pulls back a little. You open your eyes to find Even looking at you so fondly you think your knees will never support your weight again.

"We should get out of here", he murmurs, leaning his forehead against yours again. Letting out a long breath, you nod at him.

"My place is a 20 minute bus ride away?" you offer, grinning broadly.

Even kisses you again, just a short peck, but it sends a shiver down your spine nonetheless. Then, he gets to his feet and takes your hand in his. "Let's go."

You get up and are genuinely surprised your knees don't give out. Salome grins at you from Talia's neck. And just like last night, she stays there, and again, it feels all kinds of right. Grinning back at Salome, you squeeze Even's hand. "Yup, let's go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soo what do you think about this? Mahdi having a gay little lister, does that make sense? And what do you think will/want to happen next?


	8. Like the sun browns you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak takes Even home and they spend the night together. WARNING: SMUT AHEAD!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long for this chapter to be posted!! I went to Norway early last month and we had too much to do at work lately, plus I was blocked for the longest time ... But finally, here it is!!
> 
> Okay, so I think I have to explain something about the way I write Isak, particularly in this chapter. We all know that canon Isak is quite shy and not at all forward with Even. However, I feel most of that was due to his insecurity about how Even felt for him and due to what he was afraid people would think of him. Soo since most of that is already behind him - he learned that most of his friends are anything but homophobic and he knows about Even's bipolar - Isak isn't really that shy anymore .. let me know if you think that's wrong.
> 
> The song that inspired me for this chapter was "Every other freckle" by Alt J, and the title is from the very beautiful line "I wanna kiss you like the sun browns you", which to me is a very good way to describe how Even kisses Isak and vice versa.

You never run. It’s just not something you do. You always feel like you look stupid and you hate that Salome has to dig her claws into your skin to hold on, so you usually avoid running at all costs. But now, with Even walking next to you, his hand brushing yours every few moments and his eyes shooting hungry looks at you, you’re having trouble keeping yourself from breaking into a run to be alone with him as soon as possible. Salome - who has left Talia’s fur, sensing that you need her -  is impatiently nibbling at your ear, which doesn’t exactly help either.

So when you’re two streets away from your place, you finally give in. Without saying a word, you grab Even’s hand and bolt down the street. Even guffaws in surprise, but he and Talia follow you readily - his long legs make it easy for him to keep up. You feel Salome’s claws digging into your shoulder, but for once you don’t care, too busy throwing admiring glances at Even while running. _How the fuck are you real?_

 

A minute later, you reach your apartment building and you reluctantly let go of Even’s hand to dig the keys out of your pocket. Your fingers are shaking, and the fact that Even is panting down your neck only makes it worse. Finally, the door swings open and you take Even’s hand again, pulling him inside. Taking three steps at a time, you run up the stairs and when you reach the third floor, your heartbeat is in your throat. Somehow, the reality of the situation is only hitting you now. _Even kissed me. I kissed him back. I just took him home. What the flying fuck?_

 

Even’s arms coil around your waist from behind while you fumble with the keys, and you feel a shiver run down your spine when his lips brush your neck. Biting back a moan, you unlock the door and Even walks you into the apartment, his lips leaving a trail of kisses from the base of your throat to your jaw, making it hard to breathe properly.

 

“H-hello?” you call out, still panting a little, and you’re pretty sure it’s not from running up the stairs. Thankfully, no one answers, so you throw the door shut and turn around in Even’s arms. From the corner of your eye you notice Salome jumping off your shoulder, but you don't’ see where she lands, too busy drowning in Even’s eyes.

 

He backs you up against the wall and your hands pull his coat off him, tossing it to the floor, but Even hardly notices. He lets out a harsh breath and leans his forehead against yours. Your hands then find his shoulder blades just as he presses his lips to yours. It’s a long, drawn-out kiss that has you humming against Even’s mouth, feeling tingly from head to toe. Even sighs softly and unzips your jacket, pushes it off your shoulders and then ropes his arms tightly around you while nibbling at your lower lip, coaxing your mouth open. His tongue sweeps inside, making your eyes flutter shut, and you have to hold on to Even’s shoulders to avoid sliding to the floor.

As if he were reading your mind, Even’s hands curl around your thighs and you gasp into his mouth when he wraps your legs around his waist and pins you to the wall with his upper body. Your chests are now pressed close together, and you can feel his heart beating frantically against your ribs while he kisses you again, slow and passionate, making you feel dizzy with want.

 

“Should we go to your room?”, Even asks after a while, putting your legs down and leaning his forehead against yours while his hands caress your sides through your T-shirt. He’s looking at you as if he’s about to eat you alive, and you suddenly feel nervous. _Fuck, what is he expecting?_

Your panic must be showing on your face because Even’s expression softens and he gently cradles your cheek with one hand. “Hey, relax. I’m as overwhelmed as you are, okay?”

The knot in your stomach dissolves instantly and you grin with a mix of wonder and indignance. “You think I’m overwhelmed?”

Even raises his eyebrows at you. “Isak, I _know_ you’re overwhelmed. You should see yourself”, he says, brushing a strand of hair out of your face. “It shows everywhere.”

Your snarky retort gets stuck in your throat when Even stares into your eyes with an intensity that makes your knees wobbly again. “I can see it here”, he kisses your forehead. “... and here”, his lips caress your throat, making you close your eyes and you wrap both arms around his waist, holding on to him. “... here and here”, Even’s voice is almost a whisper now as he presses a soft kiss to both your eyelids, making you giggle. You hadn’t even realised how nervous you were until now, but with every touch of Even’s lips to your skin you feel yourself relax and melt into his embrace. “... and even here”, he breathes and then his mouth is on yours again while his arms wrap around your waist and pull you into his chest. Closing your eyes, you kiss him back, and then you slide your hands onto Even’s back under his T-shirt. The little gasp Even lets out against your mouth goes straight to your cock and that’s what makes you suddenly very aware of the fact that you’re still standing in the damn hallway, right behind the front door. You’d never hear the end of it if Eskild came home to find you pressed against the wall by Even with his tongue down your throat.

 

So although it almost physically hurts to take your hands off him, you clear your throat and put your hands on Even’s shoulders, looking up at him. “We really should uh … go to my room.” You grin hesitantly, but Even just nods and presses another kiss to your lips before taking your hand and raising his eyebrows at you.

“Lead the way?”

Huffing out a laugh, you toe off your shoes and Even does the same. For a brief second, you worry about your roommates seeing Even’s shoes and coat when they get home, but you decide you don’t care and grab Even’s hand and pull him with you down the hall. Talia follows on Even’s heels and from the corner of your eye, you notice that she’s swaying slightly, as if she were intoxicated. _You and me both, Tal_ you think to yourself and catch Salome’s eyes for a second. Unlike you, she seems completely at ease, even pleased with herself. She’s sitting on Talia’s neck as if she had always belonged there. You flash a grin at her and then lead Even into your room, slamming the door shut behind Talia, crowding Even up against it.

 

Even smiles against your lips and slides his hands under your T-shirt onto your back while you grab a fistful of his hair and wrap your other arm possessively around his shoulders, kissing him as if your life depended on it. Even pushes a leg between yours, making you painfully aware of how hard you are, but you’re too drunk on Even to feel embarrassed about it. You gasp when you feel his fingernails digging into the sensitive skin at your hips, and Even detaches his lips from yours to press a lingering kiss to your throat, making you throw your head back with a loud moan. The sound seems to spur him on because Even’s hands move up to your shoulder blades and pull you against his chest. You feel his fingers card through your hair as his mouth moves from your throat down to your collarbone, and you’re very glad you’re holding on to his shoulders because your knees have turned into pudding again. Even cradles your face with one hand and then captures your lower lip between his, sucking slightly, drawing another moan from your throat. By now you're very uncomfortable in your jeans, so you turn Even around and start moving towards your bed while kissing him, open-mouthed and hungry. When Even’s heels hit the mattress, he moves his head back and sits down, looking up at you with an expression that makes you even dizzier than you already are, and then he reaches for you, pulling you onto his lap. Without thinking, you straddle his long legs and frame Even’s face with both hands, staring at him as if you can’t quite believe he’s actually here.

“Hi”, you whisper, not trusting your voice, and you’re pretty sure the smile that lights up Even’s face could power the entire city for a month.

“Hey”, he breathes back, nudging your nose with his and then slotting your mouths together again, his hands pulling you closer by your hips. Your breath catches when you feel Even’s hard dick press against your butt, and contrary to your expectations, it doesn’t scare you. Quite the opposite, actually: you let out a low moan against Even’s mouth and press your chest against his. Once again, you feel Even’s heartbeat against yours, and yeah, the two of you are definitely wearing too many clothes.

Not removing your lips from Even’s, you reach for the hem of his T-shirt and lift it, hesitantly but still with intent. Even bites his lower lip and he readily raises his arms, letting you pull the shirt over his head. You drop it on the mattress and put your hands on Even’s shoulders, leaning in to kiss him again. Even sighs contently and moves to pull your T-shirt off as well, and then you’re both half-naked, breathing heavily and staring incredulously at each other.

 

Only for a second, though. Even lets out a harsh breath, and then his hands are roaming your chest while his lips crush yours with an intensity that makes your toes curl. Your lips part and you let Even in, your tongue dueling with his as you circle an arm around his shoulders again. Even moans into your mouth when you gently tug at his hair with your other hand, making you notice you really have to get rid of your pants. Apparently, Even shares that thought because his hands still at the waistband of your jeans and he looks up at you, a silent question in his eyes.

You nod quickly and Even captures your lips with his again while unbuttoning your pants and undoing the zipper. Almost automatically, your hands find Even’s waistband and you run your fingers along it until you reach the button. The little gasp Even lets out makes you feel dizzy and brave at the same time. You’re just realising that there is no way either of your pants are coming off with you sitting on Even’s lap when he suddenly jerks his legs upwards and throws you onto the mattress, making you huff in surprise. Even laughs and gets up on his knees, pushing his pants down his legs while watching you carefully. You push yourself up on your elbows and just stare at the bulge in his dark blue boxers, lips parted and unable to move, trying to breathe normally.

“Are you okay?” Even asks as he tosses his jeans to the floor and reaches for the hem of yours. Somehow, you manage a smile and clear your throat.

“Uhuh”, you croak and raise your hips to help Even pull your pants off in one smooth movement. You gasp and hardly have time to feel embarrassed about the very obvious tent in your lap before Even’s straddling your thighs and holding your face in his hands. You sit up and wrap your arms around his waist while Even leans his forehead against yours, the look in his eyes turning your insides to water. “I can’t believe this is happening”, he murmurs, his breath warming your cheeks, and your fingers tighten in Even’s back as you lean into his touch.

“Me neither”, you admit and Even sucks in a breath as if he’s surprised. _How can’t you see  what you do to me?_

You lean forward and cover Even’s lips with your own and, when he moans into your mouth, the last shreds of apprehension in your head evaporates. Kissing Even with complete and total abandon, you lean back and Even follows, as if he were reading your mind. He lowers you onto the pillows, his arms framing your head. He knots his fingers into your hair and tugs your head back slightly, making you tilt your chin up with a slight moan. Even keeps kissing you for a long moment and slowly starts grinding his hips against yours. The friction makes your entire body shiver and you feel yourself grow impossibly harder as Even keeps moving while moaning softly against your lips.

Eventually, he frees your mouth and kisses your throat while taking both of your hands in his and pinning them to the mattress above your head. He gets up on his knees and and leans down to attack your mouth with his lips again, tongue sweeping inside, and you’re almost sure you’re going to pass out. You buck up your hips, craving for Even’s crotch to touch yours again, but the _fucking tease_ lets go of one of your hands to push you back down, grinning against your lips. Moving his hands to your shoulders, he kisses your jaw and collarbone, gently sucks on your nipple, making you moan embarrassingly loudly, and then his hands are on your hips, stilling at the waistband of your boxers.

You open your eyes to find him looking up at you, his lips parted and his expression asking a silent question again. “Yes”, you whisper, and Even presses a kiss to your hipbone before slowly pulling down your underwear halfway down your thighs. You barely have a second to be self-conscious before Even’s lips are around your cock, swallowing you down almost entirely. Arching your back, you let out the loudest moan yet, gripping the sheets on either side of you. Even starts moving his mouth up and down along your shaft, while holding your hips in place with one hand. When you feel his tongue swirling on your cock while he keeps moving his head up and down, you realise this is going to be over embarrassingly fast. Your eyes roll back into your head and you try to relax your breathing a bit - not an easy feat with Even sucking and licking on your cock while giving appreciative hums every few moments.

“Even, I’m …” you warn him, looking down, and the sight of Even staring at you from between your legs is almost too much. He nods curtly before running his tongue down your cock while gently tugging at your balls. A stuttered moan escapes your throat and then Even takes you in his mouth again, moving his free hand in sync with his lips. _Oh fuck, he’s going to kill me._

Your breathing speeds up and seconds later, you cry out Even’s name as you come down his throat. It’s the most intense orgasm of your life. Even swallows your load as if it were a delicious treat and holds on to your hips with both hands until you stop squirming beneath him.

Even removes his mouth from your softening cock and licks his lips, moving up to lie down next to you with a self-satisfied grin. “Wow”, you huff after a long moment, pulling your underwear back up and then turning onto your side to look at Even. He laughs softly and reaches out to cradle your face with one hand.

“You look so hot like this”, he murmurs softly and leans over to press a gentle kiss to your lips.

Humming contently, you slink an arm around his waist and pull him closer, kissing him again. And that’s when you notice Even’s hard-on pressing against your stomach. It startles you at first, but then you grin against his lips, raising both eyebrows at him. _When did you become confident, Valtersen?_

Even pulls back slightly, his eyes full of earnest concern. “Isak, you don’t have to.”

You almost laugh at that and kiss him again, longer this time, while your hand moves from his waist under his boxers to grip his butt cheek. Even’s surprised moan almost makes you hard again and you move to push him onto his back. “I want to”, you murmur in his ear, and Even lets out a harsh breath that sends a shiver down your spine. His hands find your shoulders as you move to kneel between his legs, smiling down at him while your heart is beating so frantically you fear it will jump out of your chest at any moment. Still, your hands are steady when you caress Even’s shoulders, then his chest, your thumbs brushing his nipples, and then further down until you reach the waistband of his boxers. Even raises his hips helpfully and, before you can lose your nerve, you curl your fingers into the fabric and pull. Even sucks in a sharp breath when you hesitantly touch his stiff cock, gently brushing your finger across the tip. Precum is leaking from it and without thinking, you lean down and lick it off. Even lets out a long, drawn-out moan and you feel it in every fibre of your being. Feeling emboldened, you run your tongue from the base of his cock to the top, looking up at Even to see his reaction. He’s biting his lower lip, looking completely wrecked already, and you can’t help but smirk at him before finally wrapping your lips around his cock. You can’t take him all the way in without choking, but you caress the lower half of his shaft with one hand while slowly moving your mouth up and down. Even gasps and moans alternately and, when you increase the pace, he throws his head back and bites his fist. You must be doing something right.

Remembering how Even touched you before, you carefully tug at his balls while taking his cock a little deeper into your mouth. “Fucking hell, Isak”, Even groans breathlessly, so you keep bobbing your head up and down as fast as you can without choking. Eventually, you try moving your tongue at the same time as your lips, painting circles on Even’s dick. He squirms underneath you, and you have to hold on to his hips to keep them in place while you keep sucking, kissing and licking.

“Isak … I’m .. close”, Even stutters and you briefly release his cock to nod at him, grinning, before swallowing him down again. Moments later, Even lets out a long, drawn-out moan, and you feel his warm, salty cum shoot down your throat. You expect it to feel gross or at least uncomfortable, but you find it almost tasty, and swallowing it makes you feel strangely proud. Releasing Even’s cock from your mouth, you sit back on your heels and marvel at the sight of Even: he’s lying sprawled out on your mattress, his head propped up on your pillow, looking completely drained. _Fucking hell, you’re beautiful._

Even reaches out a hand and you crawl up to him, curling into his side. “Are you for real?” Even asks, making you laugh. He presses a kiss to your temple and then tries to pull up his boxers with one hand. You reach down to help him and then press your lips to his throat as Even’s arms curl around your shoulders, pulling you close.

“I could ask you the same”, you breathe into his neck and Even lets out a low laugh that reverberates in your chest. For a long moment, you both just lie there, listening to each other’s heartbeat. Even’s fingers are drawing circles on your back and you caress his shoulders.

 

After a while, you look up at Even, smiling hesitantly. “Can you stay?”

Even brushes his nose against yours and presses a lingering kiss to your lips. “I’m not leaving unless you kick me out”, he whispers, making you giggle.

“You’re staying”, you tell him and sit up to look for your duvet.

 

Moments later, you’re huddled together between the sheets and you find yourself unable to stop grinning. Even coils an arm around you from behind and pulls you close, pressing a soft kiss to your neck that sends chills down your spine. You look up to see Talia curl up next to your bed, with Salome buried in the fur of her neck. Your daemon smiles at you, looking so content you’re convinced she’s not going to let go of Talia any time soon.

 

That’s fine with you, though.

With a deep sigh, you turn around in Even’s arms and bring your hands up to cup his face. “I’m so glad you’re here”, you murmur and bump his nose with yours, still not entirely sure that all of this is real.

Even chuckles and leans forward to cover your lips with his own. You melt into the kiss, caressing Even’s temples with your thumbs and shivering slightly as he draws circles on your back. “Right back at you”, Even whispers against your lips after a while, making you smile so hard the corners of your mouth almost hurt.

You stay awake for a long time, exchanging lazy kisses  until neither of you can keep your eyes open anymore. After switching off the light, you curl up in Even’s arms, the steady sound of his breath against your neck lulling you into a deep and peaceful slumber.

 

_________________________________________________________________________

 

The next morning, you wake up before Even, feeling rested and happy for the first time in a long while. Even’s right arm is slung around your waist and his steady breaths are tickling your neck. For a long moment, you just lie there, eyes closed, listening to Even breathing, bathing in the blissful memories of the night before.

_I can’t believe we did … that._

When you finally do open your eyes, they soon land on a dark heap of fur curled up at the foot of your bed. _Talia!_ And just as you’re wondering where your daemon might have gone, a very drowsy-looking Salome appears on Talia’s neck.

“Mm-ing”, she mumbles and pads down Talia’s back. Very slowly, she makes her way to your upper arm and curls up with a content sigh, basking in the morning sun hitting your side of the bed.

“Hei”, you whisper, not wanting to wake Even. “Sleep okay?”

Salome nods slowly and nudges your arm with her nose, just looking at you with a blissfully content expression. You smile at her and slip your other arm under the duvet, covering Even’s hand with your own. Salome doesn’t say anything, but you haven’t felt this much in tune with her for a long while.

For the past few weeks, you have been at odds with each other more than you have been in sync, mostly because you just wouldn’t listen to Salome. But last night, you finally couldn’t ignore her anymore. That was mostly due to the fact that she exploded in your face and implored you not to run straight home from the party but to just catch your breath for a few minutes, and then go back and find Even. _I just know you’ll regret not at least trying to talk to him, Isak. He defended you in there, he obviously cares a lot! Don’t fucking mess up everything because of your stupid pride!_

 

You groaned at her for that, but now you couldn’t be more grateful to her. So you lean forward and nudge her head with your nose, but Salome has already closed her eyes again. So you shuffle a little closer into Even’s arms and drift back to sleep.

 

When you wake up for the second time, Even isn’t lying next to you anymore. Plucking Salome off your arm you sit up, worried that he left, but you find a piece of paper on his pillow.

 

_I went out to get breakfast, be right back._

 

Sighing with relief, you lie back down, but only for a second: a loud, banging noise from the kitchen makes you bolt upright with a grunt and let go of Salome who lands on the mattress with a startled shriek. “For fuck’s sake!”, she curses, shaking herself, but when you catch her eye, you both start laughing. You reach for the T-shirt lying closest to your bed and pull it over your head, still chuckling.

“Come on, let’s go, before Noora murders Even, thinking he’s a burglar”, you tell her, and Salome climbs onto your outstretched palm, still looking flustered.

“Talk about a rude awakening”, she mumbles while climbing up along your arm, making you giggle.

“Well, at least you’re properly awake before” - you pick up your phone to check the time - “ten o’clock on a Saturday.”

Salome grumbles indignantly as you drop your phone on the mattress and get up. You find Even in the kitchen, standing at the stove, dressed in grey sweatpants and a white T-shirt he must have found in your room. The sight makes you smile so hard it almost hurts.

When you walk up to him, Even looks at you with a nervous grin and you notice his hands are shaking. You smile at him, but Salome perks up from her spot on your shoulder and looks down at Talia, who’s pacing behind Even’s legs, shaking her head every few seconds, looking rather uncomfortable. _Something’s wrong._

“Morning, did I wake you?” Even says a little too fast, and you can’t help but grin at him.

“Me and the rest of the house, yes. What the hell happened?” you ask, and Even groans, hiding his face in his hands.

 

“I’m sorry, I dropped the frying pan, I didn’t mean to, I swear.” He sounds so flustered and embarrassed, you can’t help but laugh a little and walk over to him, gently taking his hands in yours and removing them from his face. With a frown you notice they are shaking slightly. You’re pretty sure that Even has been startled by more than just a frying pan falling to the floor.

“Don’t worry, it’s okay, no one died”, you tell him, and Even smiles gratefully, taking a deep breath and resting his chin on your shoulder, his arms circling your waist. You feel the warm, soft weight of Talia pressing her body against your leg and the wet pebble of her nose touches the back of your knee, and Salome climbs down your arm, making cooing noises at Even’s daemon.

Even is about to say something when you feel him tense up and he moves his head back, staring at the doorway behind you.

You turn around to see Noora and Agbara standing there, both looking dishevelled and slightly annoyed.

 

“You remodelling the kitchen or what?”, Noora asks with a yawn, eyes still half-closed.

“Uh, no, we are just… making breakfast”, you tell her, trying to put as little emphasis as possible on the word “we.” Of course, Noora picks up on it anyway. She pushes her hair out of her face with one hand and squints in your direction, and her eyes go wide when she spots Even standing behind you.

Salome’s sitting on your shoulder and making big eyes at Agbara as if trying to get him to stop Noora from yelling, but it’s too late. Noora’s face lights up and she smiles radiantly at Even, stretching out a hand.

“Hello, I’m Noora, Isak’s roommate.”

Even shakes his head and blinks a few times as if he were waking up from a daydream, before walking up to Noora.

“Hello Noora, I’m Even”, he says, his voice shaking slightly and the smile on his face seems rather forced.

Noora doesn’t seem to notice, however. “Oh, you’re EVEN?!” she says brightly, making you and Salome wince simultaneously. Agbara grins knowingly at your daemon, who hides under the collar of your T-shirt.

“So good to finally meet you”, Noora goes on, and now it’s your turn to bury your face in your hands. _Fuck my life._

You can hear the curiosity in Even’s laugh, but thankfully he doesn’t ask Noora what she means. Removing your hands from your face, you grin hesitatingly at your roommate, imploring her with your eyes not to embarrass you any further.

“It’s good to meet you too. Would you like to join us for breakfast?”, Even asks, making you groan internally. But before you get a chance to panic about the guaranteed awkwardness that would ensue if Noora shared breakfast with you and your - whatever Even is, she shakes her head.

“Oh, that’s too kind of you, but I’m supposed to go … somewhere with Eskild.”

 

Agbara shakes his fur and hides behind Noora’s legs as if he were embarrassed for her - she’s never been good at lying, and you don’t even have to look at her to know she isn’t going anywhere with Eskild. But you’re still grateful when Noora waves at both you and Even, who’s now standing next to you, his shoulder brushing yours as he waves back. “See you soon, Isak. You too, Even”, she calls and then you’re finally alone again.

Even turns back to the stove, and only now do you realise that the kitchen counter is overloaded with food. A box of eggs, at least four types of vegetables, cheese, milk, juice, bread, butter, jam … Apparently, Even bought enough to feed an entire army.

 

“Who else is coming for breakfast?” you ask, gesturing to the counter.

Even laughs and walks over to the stove and opening the box of eggs. “No one, as far as I know. I just didn’t know what you like, so I bought everything.” You raise your eyebrows at him.

“Uhu.”

Salome is sitting on your shoulder again and you notice her watching Talia. While Even opens one of the drawers to get out a spatula and starts breaking eggs into a bowl, you cautiously look at his daemon. Talia’s standing behind Even, her body pressed against his legs, and despite looking more relaxed than a few minutes ago, you can tell she doesn’t feel at ease. You exchange a look with Salome, who seems to share your concern.

 

“Even, is everything okay?”, you ask carefully, leaning against the counter behind you. Even freezes for a split second before turning around and frowning at you.

“Yeah, I’m fine, why?”

You don’t miss Talia wincing slightly as Even walks over to you, putting down the spatula on the counter.

Making sure he’s looking into your eyes, you swallow hard before you go on. “When I came in here earlier … your hands were shaking.”

Talia winces again, hiding behind Even’s legs as Even sucks in a breath and stares at you, suddenly looking scared. Very slowly, you raise a hand to cup his face, still holding his gaze. Even closes his eyes and leans into your touch, letting out a long, shaky breath. When he looks at you again, he smiles weakly and then bites his lower lip, hesitating for a long moment before clearing his throat.

“Uh, I just … I saw some kids fighting on the way back from the store.”

You frown at him, but don’t say anything, waiting for him to explain.

Even shakes his head with a huffed laugh, almost as if he were embarrassed. “It was … nothing, really, just three boys being mean to a fourth one, calling him names and mocking him for his glasses, but it … somehow, it really bugged me.”

He takes a deep breath and takes your hand in his, looking at your intertwined fingers before he goes on. “I have … a little sister who is about their age, and she would never tell me … but I know some kids are picking on her, and seeing stuff like that, it just … it gets to me.”

 

You nod slowly, your thumb caressing his temple, and when Even looks up at you, he seems to have relaxed a little. “Kids are vicious sometimes”, you tell him, and Even nods, his eyes cast down.

“I don’t have any siblings, but if I did and ever saw anyone be mean to them, I think I’d freak out, too.”

 

Even smiles at that, looking relieved. Somehow, you’re not entirely convinced his sister is the only reason seeing those kids fight upset him, particularly because Talia’s ears are twitching nervously and she can’t look at Salome for longer than a second. But you’re not going to pry, not when you’ve just spent the night together with a person you really like for the first time. Besides, you can tell that  whatever is bothering Even is deeply personal. And you know from personal experience what it’s like to hide parts of you from others, and how scary it is to talk about it with others. So you’re not about to ruin this by being nosy.

So you let go of Even’s hand and pick up the spatula lying next to you on the counter. “So, do you wanna teach me how to make proper eggs for breakfast?”

Even’s face splits into a wide grin. “Are you sure you’re ready for that?” He takes the spatula from you and leads you over to the stove. “Did you know that there is a simple secret to perfect scrambled eggs?”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this! As always, comments are much appreciated!!


	9. You belong with us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even remembers his painful past and finds that the right people are there for him no matter what

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, for this chapter, four remarks are needed:
> 
> Daemons in childhood: When children are young, daemons change shape often. They only settle after their human reaches a certain age and/or a specific experiences causes their soul to mature significantly or makes a strong impression. So Talia hasn't always been just a wolf, when Even was a kid she would change shapes fluently, from one moment to the next.
> 
> I know that 13 is a young age to be diagnosed with bipolar disorder. But it wouldn't have worked with the story otherwise.
> 
> Also, I cannot stress this enough: There are a number of bad triggers in this: serious bullying, ableist language, and mention of mental illness. I marked the beginning and end of the worst part in the text.
> 
> And finally, I have a very special shoutout to a very special person! Lulu @thelordvoldemort thank you so so much for your kind and constructive review of my chapter! I changed some things to make it more realistic thanks to Lulu's corrections, and I am very very happy with this chapter now!

Isak is hopeless in the kitchen. It takes you exactly five minutes to figure that out. He holds the spatula very gingerly, and the way he eyes the bowl of egg and sour cream mixture   makes you wonder if he thinks you put acid in there.

 

“So, I just pour the whole thing in?” he asks, eyes wide with a mix of wonder and apprehension. Chuckling quietly, you nod and hand the bowl to him. Isak takes it hesitatingly and turns it upside down over the pan, almost  pouring the mix onto his hand. Salome hides under Isak’s T-shirt again, groaning with second-hand embarrassment, while Talia watches the two of you with amused curiosity.

 

“See, that worked just fine, didn’t it?” you say in a teasing tone, and Isak rolls his eyes at you, waving the spatula in your face.

“Yeah, but what now?”

 

Laughing at his distressed expression, you take the spatula from him and bump his hips with your own to get him to move over. “Here, let me.”

Isak scratches the back of his head and moves away from the stove, grumbling quietly.

“Okay, maybe I’m not exactly a master chef.”

 

You turn around while stirring the egg mixture, trying - and failing - to wink at him. “It’s okay, Isak.” He gives you a half-hearted grin that makes your stomach erupt in butterflies. _You are so fucking cute._

 

Unable to resist, you put down the spatula and grab Isak’s face with both hands, pressing a kiss to his lips. You expect him to pull back out of fear of his roommates walking in on you, but instead, Isak’s arms coil around your waist to pull you closer. He kisses you again, long and lingering, turning your insides to water. Your eyes flutter shut and you sigh against his lips, caressing his temples with your thumbs. Isak’s hands roam up and down your back and the content little sound escaping his throat makes your spine tingle.

 

After a while, you open your eyes to look at him. Isak’s eyes are still closed and you almost gasp at how beautiful he looks like this. You kiss him again, just a short peck this time and Isak pouts when you pull away. But you’re not about to burn your signature eggs, so you gently disengage yourself from him and pick up the spatula again.

 

“Unless you like your eggs burnt to a crisp I’ll have to pay attention to the stove for a moment,” you tell him.

 

Isak nods slowly, seemingly in trance and you notice Salome shaking her head as if she’d just woken up from a dream.

 

“Why don’t you set the table for us while I finish what you started?” you add and at that, Isak’s eyes open a little wider.

 

“Sure,” he says and walks over to the cupboards.

 

You spend the entire day at Isak’s, playing Fifa, talking and kissing - so much kissing - and you’ve almost forgotten that there is a world outside of his room when your mother calls.

 

Mamma almost never calls you, only when she’s worried, so you know that all hell will break loose if you don’t pick up. So you  flash Isak an apologetic grin and take the call.

 

“Hei mamma,” you say as cheerfully as possible.

 

“Even, where are you?” Mamma asks, and you can almost hear the weight rolling off her chest.

 

“I’m at Isak’s place, don’t worry,” you tell her.

 

“Aah, you are?” Mamma’s voice is full of curiosity now, and suddenly you can’t wait to get home and tell her all about him. You’re almost tempted to ask if you can bring him home, but you sense that would be too much for Isak - for now.

 

“I’ll tell you when I get home,” you say and Mamma giggles excitedly.

 

“Okay, will you come home alone or …”

 

You turn to look at Isak. “Today it’ll be just me, Mamma.”

Isak grins shyly and breathes a sigh of relief, almost making you laugh.

 

“Alright, and when can we expect you?”

You sigh and decide you want to ask Isak first before you answer that. The last thing you want is for Isak to think you want to get away from him.

 

“I’ll text you, okay?”

 

“Do that. Pappa says hi, by the way.”

 

“Say hi back, and don’t tell him any stories, not yet,” you tell her and you can almost see your mother biting her lower lip. Talia scoffs next to you, and you already know she’s right: Mamma can never keep happy thoughts to herself.

 

“I promise,” Mamma says anyway. “See you soon, darling.”

 

“See you.”

 

You hang up and drop your phone onto the mattress, wrapping both arms around Isak again. “I think I need to go home later,” you tell him, looking into his eyes to see his reaction. A shred of disappointment appears in them and you lean in to kiss it away. Isak hums against your lips and slips a hand into your hair.

 

“Are you already sick of me?” he asks jokingly, but you can tell he’s disappointed. So you

shake your head and cup his face with your palm, looking deep into his eyes.

 

“Never. I could never get sick of you,” you whisper, and Isak’s soft smile sends a shiver down your spine.

 

Isak nudges your nose with his own. “Good.”

 

You let out a long sigh and shuffle a little closer to Isak, and you notice Talia rolling over from the other side of the bed to lean her head against the small of your back. Smiling to yourself, you take a deep breath and start drawing little circles on Isak’s back while you go on. “My mother just worries sometimes. She knows that when things get - overwhelming, that can be a trigger for me”

Isak frowns slightly and suddenly looks worried. Salome appears behind his head and then scurries over onto your shoulder and climbs into your hair. Isak brushes a strand of hair out of your face and leaves his hand there, cradling your face.

 

“Did I … did we go too fast?” he asks and you shake your head immediately.

 

“No, not at all,” you reassure him, leaning forward to press your lips to his. Caressing his temple with your thumb, you kiss him again, closing your eyes and pouring all the affection you have for Isak into it and when he sighs softly, you almost laugh with joy.

_Who knew it could be so easy?_

 

Isak breaks the kiss and clears his throat, and you open your eyes to find a nervous expression on his face. He bites his lower lip and looks down for a moment before his eyes meet yours again.

 

“Listen, I am not ashamed of you or anything. But I’d appreciate it if we didn’t tell everyone about us just yet. Are you okay with that?”

 

The words tumble out of Isak’s mouth so fast it takes you a moment to grasp their meaning. Under different circumstances, you might be hurt. But the fearful look in Isak’s eyes and the way his hand is shaking while he combs his fingers through your hair make it impossible for you to feel anything but affection for him.

 

“Whatever you’re comfortable with,” you tell him and are about to kiss him, but Isak moves his head back.

 

“Oh no, that’s not what I want.” Now you’re frowning and you hear Talia suck in a breath behind you.

 

“No? What do you want then?” you ask, your heart suddenly thumping uncomfortably. You can’t look at Isak, but then you feel his thumb under your chin. He tugs gently until your eyes meet his. The warmth in Isak’s gaze almost makes you cry.

 

“I want to do things I find uncomfortable right now until I don’t anymore. I want to hold your hand when we walk to school together, and I want to kiss you hello. I want to introduce you as my boyfriend, and I want to be proud of you.”

 

A single tear of joy runs down your cheek, and Talia nudges your shoulder with her nose. Isak wipes the tear away with his thumb and presses a soft kiss to your lips. “I just can’t do it all at once, that’s what I’m saying,” he whispers against your mouth and all you can do is nod, your nose brushing his cheek.

 

You wrap your arm tighter around Isak and pull him closer, resting your forehead against his. Isak closes his eyes and sighs comfortably, moving his hand from your face to your neck. “Okay,” you finally croak and close your eyes when Isak kisses you again.

 

About an hour later, you and Talia are on your way home. It took you a full ten minutes after you had put on your shoes and jacket to actually leave the kollektiv - neither you or Isak were particularly thrilled to let the other go. But you know it’s a good idea for you to go home and process what happened.

 

“Is there a reason you’re not talking?” Talia asks when you get off the tram, brushing your  hand with her head. You smile down at her with a shrug.

 

“Not really. I just … I guess I’m a bit speechless.”

 

Talia nods slowly. “Last night was definitely … unexpected.”

 

You bite your lower lip. “No regrets, though.” Talia groans at that, making you laugh.

 

“What, it’s true!?”

 

“Oh, I know it’s true,” Talia says and then clears her throat. “But what about … this morning?”

 

She lowers her voice at the last two words and you know exactly what she means. Your stomach drops at the memory of seeing that poor boy being teased and shoved, for no apparent reason other than his glasses. Swallowing hard, you look away and take a deep breath. “I try not to think about it,” you say finally, and Talia just nods wordlessly.

 

**TRIGGER WARNING: SERIOUS BULLYING, ABLEIST LANGUAGE, MENTAL ILLNESS**

 

_School was not a good time for you. From the first day in primary school, you were an eager student who wanted to learn as much as possible. Your parents were very proud, and in the beginning, you made lots of friends because you were always happy to help your peers when they didn’t do their homework or were struggling to understand something._

_But then, in second grade, everything changed. Instead of asking for your help, your classmates began teasing you for always knowing the right answers, and you didn’t understand why. At first, you tried to brush it off as harmless teasing, although it hurt every time someone you used to help with their homework called you a “damn nerd” with a sneering voice. You still tried to be kind to everyone and offered your help whenever someone needed it. Despite not having any actual friends - just some people who tolerated you enough to spend time with you during the breaks in exchange for you finishing their homework whenever they didn’t “have time” to do it themselves - you stayed positive._

 

_However, things became worse after you got hit by a car. During the summer holidays after your second year of school, you were on your way home from the playground when you didn’t watch where you were going and a car hit you when you were halfway across the street. You only had minor injuries thankfully, but your mother was so worried. She didn’t let you go outside for the rest of the holiday and when school started again, she insisted on dropping you off and picking you up every day. Your classmates teased you about it, of course, and only when your mother saw you getting pushed around on the school yard, she agreed to no longer chaperone you on your way to and from school._

 

_But of course, it was too late. At first, the teasing was all about “Even needs a bodyguard to come to school.” But after your mother no longer came with you, the teasing shifted to other areas of your life. One of your classmates - his name was Martin - saw a book about famous directors in your bag and waved it in front of you, feigning interest in why you were reading it. You explained that you liked the idea of telling a story from behind the camera, but before you could go on, Martin smacked the book against your head and yelled at you to “stop pretending you’re better than us.”_

 

_You went home crying that day, unable to understand why being interested in certain things apparently made you arrogant. Fearing your mother would want to come to school with you again, you didn’t dare tell her or your father about it. You hid in the backyard, curled around Talia - she was in the shape of a Collie, your favourite dog at the time - and cried until you couldn’t anymore. Then you got up, wiped your face and went inside, telling your mother about how great your day at school had been and that your teacher allowed you to write a paper about Baz Luhrmann for extra credit._

 

_After that day, things only got worse. By the time fourth grade started, Martin was finding something new to ridicule you for almost every week. He and his daemon Serra seemed to pop up everywhere, doing their best to humiliate you at every opportunity. Once it was because you came to school with one of your nails painted red. Mamma had done her nails the day before and just for fun, you’d wanted to try it out, too. “Will you look at that, Naesheim is a fag,” Martin yelled and almost broke your finger while dragging you across the classroom to show everyone your “gay nail.”_

 

_And whenever you got a test back, Martin would get the student sitting next to you to tell him what your result was and yelled it to the whole classroom, saying “Naesheim got another six, big surprise. Expect to hear him tell you all about it later.”_

 

_You never talked to anyone about your grades, unless they asked. Unfortunately, that happened a lot, and you didn’t think to lie about it, so it was easy for Martin to sow the rumour that “Nesheim likes to boast about his grades.”_

 

_You became closed off, hiding out behind the bushes in a corner on the school yard during break times. But despite Talia watching out for you and warning you whenever Martin approached, he still found you there one day. He started another rumour, saying you went there to “do extra credit work”, to “suck up to teachers.” All you were doing was drawing in your sketch book, trying to block out the negative thoughts and keep calm._

 

_Soon after that, other students, most of them from your class, would seek you out and try to steal the sketchbook, tearing pages out of it and shoving you when you tried to fight them. “Why don’t you just leave me alone?” you yelled at them once, Talia hissing angrily from your shoulder - in the form of a weasel, wrapped protectively around your neck. But Martin just stepped closer to you, both him and Serra - who always took the shape of birds of prey whenever Martin was in the mood for a fight, that time it was a falcon - staring at you with an indifferent expression._

 

_“Because this -,” he held up a drawing of Talia in the form of an owl you had just made “ is crap, and we don’t want crap at our school.”_

 

_And with that, he tore the page in half, grinning maliciously at you. Talia hissed at him and you couldn’t stop yourself from pushing Martin. “I spent hours on that, how dare you? Why do you have to be such an asshole?”_

 

_Martin stumbled backwards and Serra transformed into a wolverine, growling angrily at you._

 

_“You shouldn’t have done that!” Martin shouted and charged towards you, his hands balled into fists. Two of Martin’s friends grabbed your upper arms and then his fist connected with your temple, making you feel dizzy. The throng of students around you formed a circle and some people cheered as Martin hit you again, this time in your stomach. You groaned in pain, trying to curl into yourself, but Martin’s friends held you up, their grips leaving bruises on your arms._

 

_“Fuck you and your drawings, Naesheim,” Martin yelled and was just about to hit you again when someone whistled, announcing the presence of a teacher. Martin’s friends let go of you without warning, and you slumped against him for a second, quickly shoving him away. Martin plopped down onto the ground, holding his shin as if you’d just kicked him there and when the teacher arrived, he pointed at you, claiming you’d attacked him._

 

_The teacher wasn’t sure what to believe when you protested and said Martin had torn up your drawing, and in the end you were scolded for “letting your emotions get the upper hand.”_

 

_“Even, you’re a sweet kid, but I heard you yelling from all the way across the yard. If you let them get to you that easily, you make it more fun for them to tease you.” The teacher’s name was Sigrid, she was your English teacher and was usually kind to you. But when she and her daemon - a tabby cat named Siena - stared scoldingly at you and Talia, you lost all hope. Sigrid picked up the torn page from your sketchbook and gave the pieces back to you._

 

_“It’s just a drawing, Even, you can make another,” she said, trying to sound soothing. You said nothing but just nodded, Talia hiding behind your legs in shame. “They won’t pick on you forever, it will pass. This is all a part of growing up,” your teacher went on and you wanted to yell at her. But instead, you picked up your sketchbook, hung your head and went back inside._

 

_In the second half of seventh grade, you were diagnosed with bipolar disorder. You had your first manic episode during a weekend trip with your parents and nearly flung yourself off a cliff because you thought you could fly. It scared both your mother and father half to death. While helping you to find the right therapy and treatment, your parents eventually found out you were being bullied. You kept coming home with bruises on your arms and sometimes your face, and your mother stopped believing that you “ran into a lamp post” or “fell down the stairs”. She grilled you about it until you told her that the other kids were being mean to you. Petter fluttered around your mother’s head, chattering angrily, while Mamma tried to soothe you and told you that it wasn’t your fault.“Those kids are being cruel to you, Even, and that’s not fair! I will talk to your principal about this, they have to do something.”_

 

_You reluctantly agreed to go to the Principal’s office to have a talk with your teacher and the Principal. Luckily, your teacher was very kind and said that she had started to notice that the other kids weren’t nice to you and promised to do her best to help you. Her name was Ilona, she was half Italian and very passionate about “creating a good atmosphere” in class. She said she would bring in an expert to talk to your class about the damaging effects of bullying, without naming you specifically. You hadn’t thought of that possibility, and it made you listen more intently.  You had always liked your teacher, but never more than in this moment. Talia and Ilona’s daemon Hele - a beautiful black heron - also got along. During the meeting, Hele kept making comforting sounds in Talia’s direction and you hoped that things would be better from now on._

 

_Ilona brought in Raphael, a child psychologist, to talk to your class.You liked him from the second he walked in. He was tall, with dark brown hair and kind eyes, and his daemon - a raven named Ellinor - gave you the impression that she knew everything about you the second you met her eye. But it didn’t make you uncomfortable, on the contrary._

 

_Your classmates listened to Raphael and seemed to accept what he was saying. He said that bullying was not just “teasing” but actually very damaging and that it could leave people with permanent psychological conditions like depression and anxiety. Of course, Martin and his friends kept throwing mean looks and whispered comments your way. “Awwh, so cute, Even called the looney doctor on us,” Martin said a bit too loudly to go unnoticed._

 

_Raphael got up from his chair and came to the back of the class where you and Martin were sitting, looking annoyed. “Martin, is it?” he said and asked Martin to get up. Martin did and shot you an angry look, as if you had called for Raphael to scold him. “Tell me if I’m wrong, but I think I heard you call me a looney doctor just now.”_

 

_The rest of your class laughed and you breathed a sigh of relief, stroking Talia’s back. She was sitting on your lap in the form of a cat, purring soothingly. You had expected Raphael to scold Martin for insulting you, but instead, he confronted him for the “looney doctor” remark about himself._

 

_“What do you wish to achieve by calling me a name like that, Martin?” Raphael asked and Martin blushed a bright pink, shrugging and stuttering for a few seconds before saying:_

_“I don’t know, man.”_

 

_Raphael nodded and looked around the classroom to make sure everyone was listening. “That is the case with a lot of bullies. They don’t really know why they’re being mean to someone. For some of them, it’s just their insecurities causing them to lash out at others to make someone feel worse than they feel themselves. But if you’re really honest with yourself, Martin…” he grinned down at Martin, who had sat down again and was trying to disappear behind his desk. Serra had transformed into a mouse and was cowering under the hem of Martin’s T-shirt, obviously deeply embarrassed._

 

_“Do you really feel better about yourself just because you called me a ‘looney doctor’?” Raphael went on, looking at Martin with raised eyebrows._

 

_Martin quickly shook his head without saying a word._

 

_“See?” Raphael turned away and walked back to the front of the class. “If you feel the need to be mean to someone who hasn’t done anything wrong to you, please ask yourself why you feel that way. And then try to be nice to someone instead. Be kind to someone for no reason, not because you need something from them, but just because you can. And you will see, that no matter what worries you, the weight of it becomes less when you learn to be kind.”_

 

_After that talk, things became a little better. Martin was still mean to you, but some of your other classmates started talking to you. One of them - his name was Silas, and his daemon was Anucita - even started spending break times with you in the beginning of eigth grade. You learned quickly that he liked movies as much as you, and you were so happy to finally have someone to talk to about Baz Luhrmann and the art of composition. Silas didn’t understand half of the words you used, but he listened and asked questions. You finally felt like you had a friend. He was just one person, and he didn’t have the courage to stand up to Martin whenever he was having a go at you, but at least you didn’t feel completely alone anymore._

 

_But then, one day in February of 8th grade, you ran into Silas outside your therapist’s office. The building was in the centre of the city, but her office was the only one on that floor, so meeting people that weren’t patients there was extremely unlikely. You froze dead in your tracks and Talia transformed into a mouse to hide in the pocket of your jeans. Silas looked at the sign on the door behind you and grinned broadly. Anucita - in the form of a squirrel - watched you with an expression that made you sick to your stomach._

 

_“You go here?” he asked and you blushed a bright pink, trying to think of a lie to get you out of this situation. But there really wasn’t a point, was there? So you took a deep breath and looked him in the eye, hoping he would somehow understand._

 

_“Yes, I do.”_

 

_Silas burst out laughing and ran down the stairs, leaving you standing there, feeling like you were about to collapse. “Talia, please tell me he just didn’t know how to react,” you murmured and gently dug her out of your pocket, raising your palm to your face to look at your daemon’s face. “Please tell me things aren’t going to get worse again.”_

 

_Talia didn’t say anything but just sat on your palm, breathing as heavily as you._

 

_You barely made it home after that and somehow managed to pretend everything was fine in front of your parents. Despite not sleeping a wink that night, you went to school the next day, trying to tell yourself everything was going to be okay. You realised how wrong you were when you saw Silas standing next to Martin on the school yard. When they spotted you, Martin turned to face you with a grin, Serra perched on his shoulder as a raven, staring you down as if you had done something to offend Martin._

 

_“So now we know why the looney doctor came to your rescue, eh, Naesheim?” he sneered and you noticed Silas standing behind him now, looking uncomfortable but somewhat - relieved. Anucita was hiding in Silas’ hoodie in the form of a sparrow, and you realised that for Silas, finding out about your mental health issues was a lucky break. You knew Martin had picked on him too before the talk with Raphael. And then, he had found a way to stay on Martin’s good side. You understood, somehow. But still, it hurt._

 

_What hurt even more was Martin’s fist hitting your upper arm._

 

_You hadn’t said anything, and he was demanding your attention. Looking up, you found him staring at you angrily, and although you were scared, you couldn’t help but feel pity for him._

 

_“Dear Even here is a looney himself,” he announced and shoved you hard, almost causing you to trip over your own feet. You wanted to fight back. But somehow, you just couldn’t. All your hope and joy at finding a new friend had evaporated the second Silas started laughing the day before and all you were left with was indifference._

 

_Martin pushed you backwards until your shoulders hit the wall of the gym and you felt Talia desperately clawing at the inside of your jeans pocket as if to say “do something.”_

 

_You stared at Martin, who was still grinning and turned around to shout at the group of students watching you. “Apparently, Even has to see a shrink.” Someone gasped and you heard several people murmur things like ‘pathetic’, ‘so he really is crazy’ and similar things. The words hurt more than Martin’s hands squeezing your arms so hard you could feel bruises forming under his fingers._

 

_“How can the Principal  allow us having to share classrooms with a fucking crazy person?” Martin went on, slamming you into the wall. Fighting back tears, you tried to get out of his grip, but he was much stronger than you. Despite being the tallest boy in school, you were never a fighter, and Martin knew that and took full advantage._

 

_“Eat shit, Naesheim, you disgust me,” he all but screamed at you before he let go of your arms and turned around. You stood still for a few moments, not daring to move a muscle, until Martin had disappeared around the corner._

 

_From then on, school was straight up hell. You changed schools after seventh grade and your new main teacher- Einar, an old and rather miserable man who hated school as much as most of his students - didn’t care about you being bullied. He just held his lessons as best as he could, only yelling at the class to be quiet from time to time and not commenting on anything, not even when Martin yelled “crazy Even touched my pencil, I need a new one” and similar things during class._

 

_During break times, you tried to lock yourself in the toilet to be safe from Martin and his goons, but he told on you to Einar, who shooed you outside, saying you had to spend break time in the school yard. When you tried to explain why you couldn’t , Einar shut you up with dismissive gesture, telling you he didn’t want to hear about “teenage fights, that’s your business, not mine.”_

 

_In the middle of April, your parents came to school and tried to reason with Einar, who insisted that he couldn’t stop teenagers from fighting. He just said that it was “normal” for kids to be “a little mean” to one another sometimes. His daemon - a wolverine whose name you didn’t know - sat next to his desk, watching Pappa and Mamma as if they were being unreasonable._

 

_In the end, you just took your mother’s hand and tugged, signalling that it was time to go. Your parents walked you out of there and when you got home, they asked you to join them in the kitchen._

 

_“Alright, Even, since your teacher refuses to be an adult about the issues in his classroom, you are going to fight these bastards yourself,” Pappa said and his daemon Marigona - a lynx - growled approvingly, briefly pressing her body against your legs. You smiled hesitatingly at your father._

 

_“What do you mean?” you asked and Talia changed from a mouse to an owl, sitting on your shoulder and leaning forward so as to not miss a word._

 

_“You will kick their arses, darling,” Mamma said and Petter whistled excitedly, fluttering onto_

_Talia’s head. You stared at her, throwing both hands in the air._

 

_“I can’t fight, Mamma. I have two left hands.”_

 

_Mamma laughed and put an arm around you. “I guess you're right, Even. But you’re a wonderful artist, so you have the opposite of two left hands.” She let go of you and walked over to the stove, still looking at you with warm eyes. “Also, you are the most charming boy in the world. So you will find help okay? Find out who else Martin is picking on and band together with them. Can you do that?”_

 

_That made your father laugh and nod appreciatively._

 

_“Pay attention, son, your mother  knows what she's talking about. She had me wrapped around her little finger in seconds when we first met.” Mamma cooed and walked over to kiss Pappa on the mouth._

 

_You rolled your eyes at Talia. Mamma and Pappa were so disgusting sometimes. But still, you decided they were right. You were going to start fighting back._

 

_The next time Martin walked up to you with the words “crazy Even” on his lips, you didn’t wait until he grabbed your arms and slammed you into a wall. You yelled as loudly as you could: “Don’t ever call me crazy again!”_

 

_That got you the attention of the entire school yard. Talia was wrapped around your shoulder as a weasel and then jumped down, transforming into a wolf and stood up straight in front of you. “Is there no one else?”, you called, looking around the yard into all those familiar yet unknown faces. “I can't be the only one these assholes are picking on!”_

_Martin and his goons stared at you as if you'd spoken in a foreign language. But just when they were about to start laughing, a girl stepped forward and crossed her arms in front of her chest. Her daemon fluttered onto her shoulder in the shape of a raven, and soon she was joined by a boy with a racoon daemon. The three of you stared Martin and his goons down, not saying a word, until the unthinkable happened._

 

_They turned around and walked away. Martin threw the words “this isn't over, Naesheim” over his shoulder. But you hardly heard him. You learned your new-found friends’ names -Sonja and her daemon Taza and Edwin with his daemon Kaina and the three of you vowed to not leave each other alone anymore._

 

_For three days, Martin and Serra left you alone. Sonja and Edwin walked to school and back with you and you were starting to believe things would be better. But then, on the fourth day, both Sonja and Edwin were off during the first period and you arrived on the school yard alone. You knew something was wrong when you noticed no one else was there. But it was too late._

 

_Martin and his friends were waiting for you at the corner of the yard and immediately dragged you behind the gym, hidden from view. Martin’s friends pushed you to the ground, their daemons - ugly-looking hawks- staring down at you. You tried to get up, but before you had pushed yourself up on your elbows, Martin crouched down and punched your jaw._

 

_Serra stood over you in the shape of a Rottweiler, and growled angrily as you tried to sit up, already seeing stars. Talia faced her, growling back in the form of a wolf, but then Martin’s friends walked over to stand behind you._

 

_“Who the fuck do you think you are?” one of them snarled and rammed his foot into your back, making you cry out in pain. Martin kicked your knee as you tried to get away, and before you knew it, feet and fists flew at you from every direction. Talia howled for help, but no one came, so you just curled up and tried to protect yourself as best as you could until finally, the three boys left you alone, bruised and bleeding on the ground._

 

_You lay still for what felt like hours, crying silently and holding on to Talia for dear life, wishing you could just die already. No teacher came to get you, none of your classmates either, even the caretaker walked across the yard and didn’t see you - or maybe he just didn’t care. But then, you heard voices coming closer, chattering excitedly._

 

_“Come on, you guys, we don’t have all day,” a boy with a deep voice called and then you heard someone suck in a breath._

 

_“Oh shit, is that guy …”_

 

_You tensed up, half-expecting to be beaten again, but there was nothing you could do anyway. Every inch of your body felt numb and you didn’t think you would ever be able to move again. Seconds later, five unfamiliar faces came into view, all with matching expressions of concern._

 

_“Hey, what the heck happened to you?” one of the boys asked, carefully reaching out to touch your face. You flinched away from his hand, and he pulled it back. “Sorry!”_

 

_He then turned to his friends. “We have to help him up. Come on, boys.”_

 

 _“Wait, wait,” a soft voice called then, and you turned your head to see one of the guys hold up his hands. He had long, dark brown hair and brown eyes, and you could tell he was very concerned, although you struggled to understand why._ Just let me die _, you thought._

_A beautiful serval was perched on the boy’s shoulder, her eyes scanning your face worriedly._

 

_The boy looked into your eyes, clearing his throat.“Hey, what’s your name? And can you move your legs?” he asked and the rest of the boys stared at him.  “What? If he can’t feel his legs, we shouldn’t move him, guys! He could have a broken back,” the brown-eyed boy said and gently touched your shoulder._

 

_Somehow, you managed to open your mouth. “Even,” you croaked and threw a look at Talia, who was standing next to your head, staring at the guys alternatively as if trying to figure out what they were up to. “Talia,” you added, and the boys all nodded at you and your daemon, before brown-eyed boy cleared his throat._

 

_“Hi Even, I’m Mikael, this is Jua. And those morons are Elias, Yousef, Mutta and Adam.” He pointed at his daemon and friends in turn and then took a deep breath before repeating his second question. “So, can you move your legs?”_

 

_You looked down at yourself and almost gasped. The front of your white T-shirt was torn in several places and spattered with drops of blood. But when you pulled up your knees, the boys all sighed with relief while you groaned in pain. Everything hurt._

 

_But Mikael bent down on his knees and moved behind your head, gently pushing his palms under your shoulders, while Yousef and Mutta took hold of your hands. “On three,” Mikael commanded. “One, two, three.”_

 

_Mikael pushed you upward at the same time as Yousef and Mutta pulled at your hands.  You cried out in pain, seeing stars again and taking a deep breath to avoid passing out. Feeling a pair of arms gently wrap around your middle, you realised Mikael had sat down behind you and pulled you against his chest._

 

_“We have to take you to a hospital, Even,” Yousef said gently, still holding your hand and looking into your eyes. His daemon - a capuchin monkey - was wrapped around his neck like a scarf, staring at you with the same concern. Mutta had let go of your hand and was stroking his daemon - a cute otter, sitting in front of him - behind her ears._

 

_You nodded slowly but stopped instantly when a sharp pain shot through your head, making you wince. The boy who had spoken to you first - you were pretty sure Mikael had called him Elias - moved to your side and when you looked at him, he smiled gently. His daemon - a beautiful cheetah - peeked at you from behind him, eyeing Talia with worry. “Hey Even, I’m Elias, in case you didn’t catch that before,” he said softly, and you tried to smile at him. “Is it okay if we take you to a hospital?” he asked and this time, you were smart enough not to nod._

 

_“Yes, thank you,” you croaked weakly, and as if that were a cue, the boys all started moving at the same time._

 

_Mikael moved aside from behind you and Elias carefully wrapped an arm around your waist while Mikael wrapped an arm around your shoulder. Yousef and Mutta took hold of your hands again and moved their free hands to your elbows. And Adam stood aside, his honey badger daemon in his arms, and counted to three._

 

_On three, the four boys hauled you to your feet, and to your surprise, it didn’t hurt as much as you expected. You looked down to see Talia, still in the shape of a wolf, follow every move the boys made with watchful eyes. But you could tell that she was less tense than before, and you realised that you felt the same way. You’d only just met these boys, but somehow you already trusted them._

 

_Mikael and Elias then clasped their hands behind your back while Yousef and Mutta held you up by your upper arms. They hardly needed words, it was almost as if they’d done this multiple times already. Before you knew it, you were sitting on Mikael and Elias’ clasped hands and were being carried. The boys were careful but you still groaned every few moments, making them wince apologies every time._

 

_For a moment, you wondered how the six of you must look: four boys carrying a fifth one, being led along the street by another boy, six daemons jumping back and forth between all of you. And in spite of your body feeling as if you’d been run over by a truck, you smiled to yourself. ‘In another universe, we could be friends,’ you thought._

 

_You didn’t know it yet then, but that was the last time you set a foot onto that school yard._

 

_The boys brought you to the nearest hospital and you expected them to drop you off and leave it at that, but they did no such thing. While you lay on a stretcher in an exam room and a nurse bandaged your cuts and bruises, they insisted on staying with you and told you stories about their daily adventures, laughing and joking around. Talia sat next to your legs on a stool, looking more relaxed with every passing minute while the boys’ daemons did their best to try and cheer her up, bumping their noses to her fur and cuddling up to her. You didn’t laugh with the boys though, but only because it hurt, and when you told Mikael that, he instantly urged the boys to stop making you laugh._

 

_The doctor told you that two of your ribs were broken but that you should be fine after a few days of rest. You smiled gratefully and the boys cheered, saying that they were going to visit you every day to make sure you were taking care of yourself. Staring incredulously, you tried to say that you had just met them and that you didn’t want to impose, but they were having none of it._

 

_“You can’t go through such a thing with us and not become a part of the gang, Even,” Elias said as if that were the most logical thing in the world._

 

_When a nurse came by to ask if she could call someone to pick you up, you froze. Your parents. They were going to ask questions. Talia’s ears perked up and the boys looked curiously from you to the nurse and back. “Uh, yes, my parents, I guess,” you told the nurse and gave her your home number._

 

_You expected things to become awkward after your parents came up in the conversation. But instead, the boys took it as an opportunity to get your number. “Give it to Mikael, he’ll pass it around,” Elias said and then Mikael was in front of you, his phone in his hands._

_Not knowing what to think, you dictated your number to him and he saved it right away. “Thanks, Even. And welcome to the Briskeby Squad,” he said and smiled so brightly you wondered where those boys had been all your life._

 

_Your mother came to pick you up about twenty minutes later, looking worried. She later told you that the second she laid eyes on you surrounded by five cheerful boys and their daemons, smiling at you as if they’d known you for years: she’d wanted to cry. Not because she was worried, but because it was an image she’d always had in her mind. Her son, surrounded by loving friends who took care of him and were there for him no matter what._

 

_The boys kept their word. Your mum had just tucked you into bed, Talia cuddling into your side, when your phone buzzed._

 

**Elias:**

Hey Even, I hope you and your mum got home okay? Listen, we’re coming by tomorrow with some home-made lemonade and a movie to watch. Do you have a DVD-Player? Yousef can bring one if you don’t.

 

_With tears in your eyes, you typed back._

 

Hi Elias, I have a DVD player, yes. That’s so nice of you guys!

 

_You also texted him your address, and when your mum came back into your room a minute later with some tea, she found you crying happy tears. She hurried over to you, Petter descending on Talia as if he were worried she was injured._

 

_“Even, are you alright? What’s wrong?”_

 

_She sat down on the edge of your mattress and took both your hands in hers. You looked up at her and smiled through your tears._

 

_“I’m great, Mamma.” A a soft laugh escaped your throat. “I think I just made friends. Five of them. All at once.”_

 

_Mamma blinked several times and then suddenly threw both her arms around you. “That’s wonderful, Even. I’m so happy for you.”_

 

_That was the day Talia settled as a wolf. And you were sure it was not just because she felt she needed to be strong for you. It was also because that day was the day you met the first real friends of your life._

 

_The boys came by the next day as promised, and your mother received them as if she’d known them for years. You were formally introduced to their daemons: Elias’ cheetah’s name was Himoja, Yousef’s capuchin answered to the name Ngawari, Adam’s adorable honey badger’s name was Mifaly, Mutta’s otter was called Pramanika and you had already learned the name of Mikael’s Serval, Jua. They spent the afternoon with you, and you almost forgot you’d only met them one day before._

 

_Mamma came into your room to ask if the boys wanted to stay for dinner, and they accepted happily._

 

_Yousef even jumped up and insisted on helping Mamma in the kitchen. “No problem, Regina, I like cooking,” he told her and Ngawari climbed up onto his shoulder, nodding vigorously. The boys joked that your mother should be careful to not let Yousef burn the kitchen down._

 

 _“You mean like_ _that time_ you _tried helping me make cookies for the school summer party and melted your mother’s favourite plastic bowl on the stove?” Yousef called, pointing at Elias and walking out of your room._

 

_It took the boys a second to realise you froze the second Yousef said the word “school.” But when Talia got up and put her head on your shoulder, the four of them looked at you with worry in their eyes._

 

_“You don’t want to go back to school, do you?” Mutta said slowly, stroking Pramanika’s back._

 

_You stared at him for a long moment and then slowly shook your head._

 

_“No. I really don't.”_

 

_Mutta’s otter-daemon reclined her head to look up at him and then turned to Talia._

 

_“When did you settle?” she asked quietly, and your daemon perked up her ears._

 

_“Uh … did I?” she asked, raising her head to look at you._

 

_Pramanika threw worried looks at Himoja, Jua and Mifaly, who all moved closer to Talia as well. “Damn, you literally settled yesterday, didn’t you?” Jua said and nudged Talia’s neck with her nose. Your daemon sighed deeply and gave you a confused look. You just smiled  and ran a hand through her fur._

 

_Elias cleared his throat and reached out to touch your arm. “Our daemons all settled the same day,” he murmured and exchanged dark looks with Adam, Mikael and Mutta. Mikael sighed and Jua curled into his side._

 

_“I was bullied, too, you see,” he said in a small voice, making you stare at him. You hadn’t  told the boys that you were being bullied.  “And one day, my classmates decided it was a fun idea to throw me into a fountain on my way home.” You winced and took Mikael’s hand in yours._

 

_“I’m so sorry,” you told him and Mikael smiled warmly at you._

 

_“It’s okay really. The boys saved me. They pulled me out of there and brought me home.” Mikael huffed a laugh before he went on. “Elias and Yousef made me promise I would never hide it from them again if I was being hazed. Also, they said that from that day on, they would never let  me walk to school alone anymore. And ever since that day, none of our daemons ever changed shape.”_

 

_Mutta pulled Mikael close to kiss his hair and then turned to you with a bright grin. “So, you see, it makes sense that Talia settled when we found you,” he said, and Pramanika nodded slowly. You were about to ask what he meant when Elias cut in._

 

_“It means you belong with us.”_

 

_You didn’t go back to that school. Mamma went to the Principal’s office one last time to tell him she would not send her son to a school where he was at risk of being beaten up every day. It took her exactly a week to organise your transfer to Elvebakken skole, where the boys were going, and you started ninth grade with them. The teachers were very helpful and allowed you to take the necessary tests to graduate from eigth grade shortly after you started. Your days in hell were over. Yousef, Adam, Elias, Mikael and Mutta were the best friends you could wish for, and for the remaining three years, you actually enjoyed going to school._

 

**END OF BULLYING FLASHBACK**

 

Talia licks your palm and says your name, and you have to blink several times to come back from your trip down memory lane. “Even, we have to go home,” Talia says again, and you nod slowly, looking around to see where you are. You’ve walked past your house, caught up in the memories of the worst times of your life.

“Sorry, Tal, I got distracted,” you tell your daemon, who scoffs quietly.

“I know, me too.”

 

You dig out your phone from your pocket and send a quick text to Mamma, who’s already tried to call you several times, apparently.

 

_To Mamma:_

 

_On my way._

 

During dinner, both your parents and their daemons grill you about Isak. You gush about him for almost the entire time, and both Mamma and Pappa insist that you bring him home as soon as possible.

 

After dinner, you retire to your room and text Isak.

 

He tells you he finished cleaning up the kitchen on his own, which you tease him about for a moment. Then, he asks if you got home alright, and you wonder if you should tell him about your past. Not via text, of course, but you know you won’t be able to hide it forever. He didn’t give you the impression that he was convinced by your explanation why you were upset about seeing that boy being bullied.

 

But for now, you stick to light topics, asking him about school and planning when you will see each other again.

 

I _sak:_ _I want you to meet my friends._

 

 _Even:_ _I’ve met your friends already. At the party on Friday, remember?_

 

 _Isak:_ _Ugh, yeah. But I mean … like, properly, with me there._

 

You smile to yourself, running a hand through Talia’s fur. “He’s a little embarrassed about Friday,” your daemon murmurs matter-of-factly, making you chuckle.

 

“I would be, too if I were him,” you tell her before texting back.

 

 _Even:_ _Just tell me when and where._

 

Isak takes a moment to reply, which makes you a little nervous. Talia shifts next to you, her ears twitching as she eyes your phone.

 

 _Isak:_ _How about we go for Kebab with them on Monday after work? This time I really have to be at the office in the afternoon._

 

You suck in your breath in surprise and Talia sits up a little straighter. “I thought he said he needed time?” your daemon says, sounding a bit breathless. You stare back at her and shrug wordlessly.

 

 _Even:_ _Sure. I can’t wait._

 

You keep texting for a while longer, arguing which one of you is better at Fifa and agreeing to have a rematch tomorrow. You threaten to bring Elias - the only one of your friends who’s ever beaten you at that game, and Isak says it’s fine as long as he gets to team up with Jonas. In the end, you decide to play just the two of you tomorrow, but also to spend time with each other's friends as soon as possible.

 

After Isak tells you good night, you try to draw him - which turns out to be harder than you thought. You can’t seem to get his eyes right. Talia watches you with interest and shakes her head at everyone of your sketches.

 

Eventually, you drift off to sleep, your head cushioned on Talia’s side, and for the first time in a long time, you sleep through the night two times in  a row.

 

________________________________________________________________________

 

“So, are you guys like … officially dating?” Magnus asks, making Jonas groan exasperatedly.

 

Isak blushes a bright red and Salome hides under Isak’s T-shirt again.

 

“Mags, for fuck’s sake,” Mahdi says, rolling his eyes at Magnus.

 

“What, it’s a normal question, right?” Magnus says and you reach out to touch his arm.

 

“Completely normal”, you tell him. Sirina smiles kindly at you and Isak throws you a shy glance.

 

“I suppose we are, but don’t yell about it,” he says through gritted teeth, taking your hand in his under the table. Talia leans her head against your leg and you feel your heartbeat speed up.

 

“Really?” You whisper, squeezing Isak’s hand.

 

He lets out a shaky breath and looks around at his friends. They’re all looking at the two of you with acceptance and wonder, and your heart is about to jump out of your chest when Isak’s eyes land on you.

 

“Really,” he says and it takes you all of your self-restraint not to kiss the warm smile off his lips.

 

“We’re happy for you,” Jonas says in a low voice, petting Maria’s head with his index finger.

“And we won’t tell anyone, that’s your business,” he adds, shooting Magnus a threatening look.

 

Magnus holds up his hands in a defeated gesture and Sirina sits up straighter, clearing her throat. “I swear!” Magnus says, making all of you laugh.

 

The week passes in a blur. You spend almost every other night in Isak’s bed. The two of you talk a lot but there are also a lot of kisses and touches, and you get used to all of it very quickly. Before you know it, it’s Friday and the boys take you and Isak with them to a party someone from third year is throwing. Isak asks you to tell your friends to join you for the party, saying he really wants to meet them.

 

“They’re a little weird, like me,” you warn him, but Isak just waves his hands at his boys.

 

“So are my friends, and I like weird, in case you haven’t noticed.” He winks at you, making butterflies erupt in your stomach and you can’t help but kiss his cheek. Isak recoils slightly but his smile doesn’t falter.

 

“I’m sorry,” you tell him, but Isak shakes his head, taking your hand in his.

 

“Don’t be. I’ll just take some time to get used to … this,” he holds up your clasped hands, grinning queasily and the look Salome throws you from Isak’s shoulder makes you laugh. She looks almost embarrassed for him.

 

“It’s okay,” you tell him and hold on to his hand while texting Elias. He answers immediately, saying they will join you a little later.

 

Once you're at the party, the boys spread out, all in search of people they’re hoping to meet - Magnus is convinced that “tonight’s the night for me and Vilde.” You stay with Isak though, dancing and talking with him, having the time of your life.

 

“I gotta go to the bathroom,” you tell him after finishing your third Coke. He hasn’t really touched you all night, but right now, his fingers brush yours as you walk past him, sending a chill down your spine.

 

“We should get out of here soon,” he whispers in your ear, and you feel yourself blush.

 

“Uh, yeah, sure,” you tell him and stumble over your feet at least twice on your way to the bathroom.

 

“You’re pathetic, Even,” Talia says with a laugh.

 

“Eh, he just said _that_ in the middle of a party, that’s kind of a big deal,” you defend yourself, pushing past a throng of people blocking the hallway. Talia scoffs and is about to reply when both of you freeze.

 

Coming out of the bathroom, about a foot taller than he was the last time you saw him and just as terrifying as you remember, is Martin. There is nowhere to hide, and before you can so much as move a muscle, he’s already seen you. Talia winces and hides behind your legs as Martin reaches you with two long strides, a malicious grin on his face.

 

“Naesheim, look at you,” he sneers and you notice Serra - who has settled as a wolverine - prowling around his legs like an oversized cat, looking at Talia with an almost hungry expression. Your heartbeat speeds up and you want to look around for Isak or the boys, but they’re nowhere to be seen.

 

“Everyone, I want to introduce you to a very special person,” Martin’s voice booms through the hallway, and both you and Talia duck your heads.

 

“This is Even Bech Naesheim, the dumbest person you will ever meet.” He grabs a hold of your upper arm and drags you in front of him. A small circle has formed around the two of you already and you feel as though you’re back in that freaking school yard where Martin tormented you for years.

 

“He thinks he’s smarter than everyone else and won’t leave out a single chance to show you. He draws silly animals and daemons, and paints his fucking nails, being the disgusting faggot he is,” Martin goes on and you try to push past him to get away. This is a nightmare. Talia presses her body against your legs, trying to give you strength, but she’s shaking as hard as you are.

 

Some people are already laughing at you, and you close your eyes to stop yourself from crying. “So yeah, I’m gonna take this trash outside before he ruins the party,” Martin finishes and someone actually lets out a cheer.

 

Talia hisses a warning from behind you, but it’s too late. Martin grabs you by your upper arm and before you know it, he's dragging you towards the front door of the apartment. Just as he crosses the threshold, you catch Isak’s eye. He’s standing a few feet away from you, a shocked expression on his face. There are at least twenty people between him and you, and before you can so much as say his name, Martin has slammed the door shut behind you and is dragging you down the stairs and out of the house.

 

You try to fight back but somehow, Martin is even stronger than he was back in sixth grade. Talia whines fearfully behind you and still tries to get between you and Martin, but it’s no use. Serra blocks her path, hissing angrily at her. So Talia resorts to staying behind you and you try very hard not to panic.

 

“Just let me go, Martin,” you say, surprised by how steady your voice sounds. But Martin just scoffs and pulls you with him across the street, where he shoves you into a bush. Towering over you, he narrows his eyes and points his finger at you.

 

“You just left school, like the fucking coward you are. I was never able to make you pay for what you did to me.”

 

You know you never did anything to Martin. But the look in his eyes is so full of hatred, all you feel is panic rising in your throat. You try to tell him to leave you alone, but nothing comes out. So you make a weak attempt at swatting Martin’s hands away, but that only results in him reaching for your throat, choking you hard. Serra appears next to your head, baring her teeth at you while you struggle to breathe.

 

“I was sent to boarding school because of you! Because you and your stupid mother went and told the principal I was ‘making school unbearable for you’, my mum thought it was better if I went to school somewhere else!” He spits in your face and finally lets go of your throat. You draw in a ragged breath, reaching out to touch Talia who is cowering behind you, her paws on your shoulders.

 

“I should have killed you then and there in the school yard when I had the chance,” Martin goes on and raises his fist. You curl into yourself, closing your eyes, but the blow never comes.

 

Instead you hear a bunch of angry voices coming from across the street, and seconds later, Martin is pulled off of you. You open your eyes to see no less than nine boys descending on your attacker, their daemons hissing angrily while they drag him away from you, shouting threats and insults at him. One of the boys walks over to you and only when he kneels down in front of you do you recognise him.

 

“Even, are you alright?” Isak asks and Salome jumps off his arm onto yours while Isak reaches out for Talia,running his hand through her fur. He doesn’t touch you, but Salome’s feet feel comforting on your arm.

“They’re going to kill him, I have to stop them,” Isak says and presses a kiss to your forehead before getting to his feet. “I will be right back.”

 

Salome jumps onto Isak’s shoulder and he walks over to the throng of boys who are dragging Martin away from you, all of them hurling insults at him. It takes you another moment before you realise it’s not only Isak’s friends, but your boys are there too. _When did they get here?,_ you wonder, but then Talia buries her head at your shoulder and you put your arms around her, pulling her close.

 

“That was close,” she whimpers, hiding her muzzle underneath your arm. You let out a half a sob.

 

“I know, Tal. This is so embarrassing.”

 

And without thinking, you get up and walk away in direction of the tram stop. Isak has enough on his plate, he doesn’t need you to mess up his life with your stupid past that has just come back to haunt you.

 

It starts raining when you’re barely a hundred metres away from the boys, but you don’t really feel it. Your entire body goes numb, and you feel as if nothing that  happened tonight is real. Nothing that happened in the past few weeks is real. You’re almost back on that damn school yard, no Elias, no Mikael, Mutta, Adam and Yousef to help you and most of all, no Isak. But just when you’re about to collapse to the ground, you hear someone yelling your name, as if through a wall of cotton.

 

“EVEN!”

 

Isak yells from behind you, and you take another few tentative steps before you stop dead in your tracks. You don’t turn around though. Talia is panting next to you, looking at Isak, and you can tell she wants to run towards him. So do you, but you just … can’t.

 

You can hear Isak panting, and after a few moments, you can’t resist the urge to face him anymore.

 

Isak is standing ten steps away, his chest heaving, and as you take him in, he puts up his hands as if to show you he’s unarmed.

 

“Don’t - run- away - from me,” he pants and takes a tentative step in your direction. You wipe your face with the back of your hand, but the tears are immediately replaced with raindrops.

 

Only now do you notice it’s pouring so heavily you can hardly see Isak’s face.

 

Isak must share that thought, because he slowly approaches you until he’s standing right in front of you. Salome’s sitting on his shoulder, her skin glistening with raindrops, but just like Isak, she doesn’t seem to care about the rain. She’s looking down at Talia, and you can tell she’s aching to jump into your daemon’s fur but scared of overstepping a line.

 

You can’t stand looking at Isak’s expression though, because you’re sure it’s full of pity or even disgust at what he’s just learned about you.

 

“Even, the way that piece of shit talked about you means nothing, okay?” Isak says, and you jump as you feel his hand on your shoulder. He takes it away, but his eyes search for yours until he’s holding your gaze. You’re surprised you can’t find pity in his expression. Only worry, and a trace of anger.

 

But before you can worry that he’s angry at you, Isak goes on.

 

“That guy, Martin...” He spits out his name as if it were poison, and Salome makes a face as if she’s about to throw up. “He’s a disgusting excuse for a person, Even. What he said about you ... “ Isak pauses and reaches out his hand. But he doesn’t touch you this time. He leaves his hand there, hovering inches away from your face. Waiting. You stare at him incredulously for a few seconds, and then close your eyes. Only then Isak finally touches you, his hand gently cupping the side of your face. Leaning into his touch, you let out a shivering breath just as Isak goes on. “... he’s so fucking wrong, Even.”

 

Isak’s voice is almost a whisper now. You feel a tug somewhere in your chest and hear Talia give a content sigh, and you can’t help but smile a little. Without looking, you know Salome has taken the plunge and jumped into Talia’s fur. You open your eyes again to find Isak looking at you with so much love it almost makes your heart hurt.

 

“You’re … Even, I don’t .. have a way with words, but I’ll try, because I think you need to hear it.” He chuckles and licks his lips, bringing up his other hand and then he’s holding your face between his palms. You’re about to say he shouldn’t bother, that you’re not worth him going out of his way to comfort you, but then Isak’s already going on.

 

“When I met you, I was miserable. I was hiding … who I am from everyone, even myself. I was so worried about what people think of me I didn’t … I wasn’t living. But then, you just … I don’t even know how you did it, but you just made me want to stop lying to myself, just by being you. You’re so incredibly kind and cool about everything, you basically made me forget about my fear of other people’s opinion of me. Even, you’re so fucking amazing, I …”

 

Isak lets out a shaky breath and brushes his thumbs across your wet cheeks. In spite of the rain running down his face and soaking his clothes, Isak is smiling brightly at you. He shrugs as a chuckle escapes him, before he goes on.

 

“I feel so fucking happy around you, Even. You make me want to be me without being afraid, so please … don’t ever let IDIOTS like that evil person back there make you be afraid of being who you are, cause that person … the Even Bech Naesheim I know is the kind of person everyone should feel honoured to be friends with, do you hear me?”

 

Your chest feels tight all of a sudden, but it’s not painful. Swallowing hard, you sigh deeply and reach for Isak’s waist with both hands, pulling him closer. Maybe it’s the rain, but you could swear you see tears glistening in his eyes.

 

“Isak ...” you croak, searching for words and leaning your forehead against his. “You’re … you’re amazing, too.”

 

Isak huffs a laugh and leans forward, pressing his lips to yours. You expect  him to pull away instantly, worried that people might see. You’re in the middle of the street after all, and Isak has said he needs time.But when you kiss him back, Isak sighs contently and wraps one arm around your waist while his other hand grabs a fistful of your dripping wet hair. You break the kiss, staring at him incredulously.

 

“Isak, we’re in public,” you tell him, but Isak merely shrugs and pulls you even closer.

 

“I don’t care,” he murmurs against your lips, and then he’s kissing you again, more passionately this time. Starting to feel dizzy, you wrap both arms around Isak, gathering him against you. Since both your T-shirts are soaking wet, it’s almost as if you were caressing Isak’s naked skin on his back. You gasp when you feel Isak’s hand on your ass, and when he moves his lips to your ear, your knees almost give out.

 

“Can I … take you home?” he asks and presses a kiss to your throat.

 

A shiver runs down your spine and you coil one arm around Isak’s waist, cupping his face with your other hand. “Yes,” you breathe back before you crush your lips together. Isak sighs softly, his hands roaming your back as he expertly parts your lips with his tongue. Moaning into his mouth, you hold onto Isak’s waist for dear life as your tongue slides against his.

 

You’re still having trouble believing this is all really happening. Isak saw you being humiliated by your former classmate, he saw you being dragged along helpless to stop it. But he came after you, not out of pity, but because he really cares about you. You hate that Martin still affects you like this. After all this time, you would have expected the pain to be more distant, like a memory, but it hit you like a freight train. But with Isak here in your arms, you feel that you can take it. Contrary to your expectations, Isak doesn’t just pity you, he is just here. Not judging, not telling you what to do. Just offering his support. And right now, that is everything.

 

Isak finally breaks the kiss, leaning his forehead against yours, chuckling quietly. “Oh good, because I don’t know if you noticed, but it’s fucking pouring!” he murmurs, both hands coming up to cup your face.

 

You laugh at that and lean forward to kiss him again, revelling in the little sigh that escapes Isak. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you whisper against his lips, making Isak laugh. He then takes your hand in his and pulls you with him in direction of the tram stop. Talia follows on your heels and you throw a look back at her, smiling happily when you spot Salome sitting in her fur.

 

“What about the boys though?” you ask Isak, who smiles broadly at you and squeezes your fingers.

 

“They understand. I told them I’d go after you and take you home, and they said to say Hi to you.”

 

Almost in spite of yourself, you laugh. “Okay. Elias and the boys .. they weren’t mad? I mean, we were supposed to party with them.”

 

Isak frowns at you. “Even, how could they be mad? They can party together and tell us all about it tomorrow. They just told me to make sure you don’t blame yourself for what happened tonight.”

 

“That sounds like them,” you say, exchanging an amused look with Talia. For a moment, you watch her prance in front of you, Salome sitting on her head as if it were a throne. And you think that you’ve never been as happy as right here, right now, walking hand in hand with Isak in the pouring rain.

 

You look down at your joint hands when you reach the main road and see a few guests from the party cowering under the little shelter at the tram stop. Isak meets your gaze when you look up, and shrugs again. “Fuck it, let them talk,” he says, straightening up and locking his fingers with yours even tighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this overly long chapter ... There is a lot of stuff from my personal experience in there, but I survived it all, and writing about it was very cathartic. As always, let me know what you think and what you hope will happen in the last chapter. I love you all so much for sticking with this story for so long


	10. The calm after the storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna thank my lovely betas who looked over this chapter: Mackenzie @evensdramaticshenanigans and Nadège @afuturewithme THANK YOU SO MUCH LADIES!!
> 
> A very huge thank you goes to art-vandeley (tumblr and insta) who made an absolutely BREATHTAKING piece of art for this chapter!! I'm still in awe that you did me that incredible honour, my wonderful friend! I love your art so much and it fills me with pride and joy that you did this for me!  
> you can find Ayesha on:  
> tumblr: http://art-vandeley.tumblr.com/  
> instagram:https://www.instagram.com/_artvandeley/  
> And you can buy her amazing art in various forms on society6: https://society6.com/artvandeley
> 
>  
> 
> Also, I learned a lot writing this fic ... mostly: OUTLINING IS MANDATORY FOR BIG STORIES!! I got myself into a big mess because I didn't outline this baby and had a lot of lose ends to tie up in this last chapter ... I'm sorry if it got too confusing, I'll never make that mistake again!!
> 
> THANK YOU so much to my dear patient readers who read this story all the way!! You are all awesome!!

**Isak**

 

You wish you could tear that terrible person to bits. From the second you see him you feel a deep disgust for both him and his daemon. His face is so full of hatred and disgust, and it takes you almost a full minute after he’s dragged Even out the door to recover from the shock of watching him humiliate YOUR Even in front of everyone. After that you don’t waste a second. You call for the boys who instantly follow you outside, and before you find Even, five confused-looking boys with their daemons run into the four of you. You wouldn’t have paid them any mind, but you hear one of them say Even’s name in confusion and that’s when you realise that these must be Even’s friends. One of them - from how Even described him you're sure it’s Elias - seems to know who you are the second your eyes meet, and then you hear Talia whimper from across the street.

 

“Martin,” Elias growls angrily and after that,  you don't need words. All nine of you storm over there. Magnus and Elias get to Even and Martin first, hauling the latter to his feet while their daemons get between him and Even, hissing angrily in Martin’s direction. Sirina stands on her hind legs and spreads out her paws as if to protect Even, while Elias’ daemon - a breathtaking cheetah - bares her teeth, looking ready to jump Martin at any second. You would be impressed, but all you see is Even. He’s still lying on his back in the bush Martin has pushed him into, panting heavily. When you get to him, Sirina and Elias’ cheetah move aside and Even sits up slowly, his eyes wide with panic, and you see instantly that in this state, he can’t get up.

 

“Even, are you alright?” you ask, not daring to touch him. Salome, however, doesn’t hesitate and jumps onto his arm. Talia presses her body against Even’s back, still whimpering fearfully, and you reach out to run a soothing hand through her fur. You’re afraid Even is never going to move again, but you’re also afraid that both your and his friends will end up in jail if you don’t make sure they let Martin go alive. “They’re going to kill him, I have to stop them. I’ll be right back,” you say to Even, who still isn’t moving. With one last worried look at him, you walk over to the throng of boys who are still hissing and cursing at Martin. Mutta and Mahdi are pinning Martin’s arms against the wall and all nine boys are yelling insults at him relentlessly.

“How dare you touch Even?”

“You worthless piece of shit, I could kill you!”

“If you ever touch him again you are a dead man.”

 

For a split second, you marvel at the boys and their shared hatred for Even’s attacker. But then you see both Elias’ and Jonas’ fist in the air and raise your voice to stop them.

“Guys, if you kill him here and now, you’ll all land in jail,” you call out, making all nine boys turn to you with dark expressions.

Jonas and Elias grunt in reluctant agreement and drop their fists. Both their daemons don’t take their eyes off Martin though, who clears his throat and wants to say something. But one of the boys just holds up a hand and his daemon - a capuchin monkey perched on his shoulder - bares her teeth at him.

 

“Whatever it is, no one wants to hear it.”

 

Nodding vigorously, Jonas adds, “Just walk, asshole.”

 

“Before we change our minds,” another one of Even’s friends - a broad-shouldered guy with short hair and a badger daemon - hisses, pointing his finger at Martin, who walks backwards with a fearful expression on his face.

 

His wolverine daemon is ahead of him already, whimpering quietly, and only when he reaches the corner of the street does Martin turn around. You could swear you hear him cursing from afar, but you don’t care.

 

“You must be Isak,” a deep voice behind you says, and you turn around to find Elias smiling broadly at you. His cheetah - who has been hissing at Martin seconds before - is wagging her tail and purrs in your direction. “Even told us about you,” Elias goes on, and you smile hesitantly at the five boys you have only just met. There is something about them that makes you trust them, and it has only partly to do with them helping you and the boys tear Martin away from Even.

 

“Uh, yeah, I’m Isak,” you say, clearing your throat. “He told me about you guys, too.”

The boys exchange a look and then the one with the capuchin daemon steps forward.

  
“Hi Isak, I’m Yousef.” You take his outstretched hand and shake it, returning Yousef's kind smile hesitantly. One after the other, the boys shake your hand and introduce themselves, and then Yousef clears his throat.

 

“Listen, I don’t know how much you know about Even, but I think right now, he can’t be around a bunch of people.”

 

You nod and throw a look at Even - or at least at the spot where he and Talia were sitting just minutes ago. They are nowhere to be seen. “Where is he?” you ask, panic rising in your throat. Salome’s claws dig into your shoulder and you exchange a worried look with her.

 

Yousef points down the street just as it’s starting to rain. “I think he’s walking to the tram stop.” His voice is shaking and the look in his eyes when he turns back to you is almost pleading.

 

“I gotta go,” you say and both your and Even’s friends nod in unison.

 

Elias purses his lips and puts a hand on your shoulder. “Sometimes, when stuff like this happens, Even shuts down a bit. I’m sure you know what I mean,” he says, and you nod quickly, anxious to go after Even before he disappears.

 

“It can be a bit scary, but Isak?” Elias waits until you look at him before he goes on. “Just … be there for him. That’s it. Take it one minute at a time.”

 

You nod again and pat Elias’ shoulder. “Thanks, man, I will.”

 

Elias smiles and nods back. “Good. Now go get him.”

 

“Make sure he doesn’t blame himself for what happened tonight,” Mikael calls after you as you start running down the street. You turn back and give him a thumbs up.

 

“See you around, Isak,” Elias yells after you, but you don’t respond to that anymore.

 

“EVEN,” you yell, and after a few more hesitant steps, Even freezes, however he doesn't turn around. Talia has though and is staring at you, a longing look in her eyes, and you stop running, panting heavily.

 

Finally, Even turns around, staring right through you. You put up your hands, hoping you won’t spook him. “Don’t - run - away -from - me,” you wheeze, taking one small step forward. Even wipes his face with the back of his hands, and that’s when you realise it’s positively pouring. You can hardly see Even’s eyes through the rain and before you can stop yourself, you slowly walk up to him until you’re almost toe to toe.

 

Salome is perched on your shoulder, seemingly not noticing the rain at all, and she looks longingly at Talia, who’s half-hiding behind Even’s legs.

Taking a deep breath, you try to catch Even’s eye, but he’s staring at his feet, looking so miserable your heart hurts. “Even, the way that piece of shit talked about you means nothing, okay?” you tell him and put a hand on his shoulder.

 

Even jumps and you take your hand away, cursing yourself for overstepping his boundaries.

 

_Take it easy, damn it. Remember how Mamma felt at her worst times. Slow and steady, no rush._

 

Your eyes search for Even’s, and finally, he looks up and you hold his gaze, trying to put all the affection you feel for him into your expression. “That guy Martin …” You can’t help but spit out the name. It tastes like bile on your tongue, and you can hear Salome gag next to you. “He’s a disgusting excuse for a person, Even. What he said about you ….” Somehow, you can’t go on. Even’s eyes look so sad, you just have to try and take some of the heavy weight away from him.

 

So you reach out a hand, not touching him, but waiting for him to make the first move. Even stares at you and then your hand, as if he can’t believe you’re there. But then, he closes his eyes, and Talia’s nose touches your knee. So you gently cup Even’s face, your thumb caressing his wet cheek. You’ve almost forgotten about the rain, and when Even lets out a shivering breath and leans into your touch, your heart nearly jumps out of your chest. “He’s so fucking wrong, Even,” you say as gently as possible, still caressing Even’s cheek.

 

You hear Salome take a deep breath, and then she jumps off your shoulder and into Talia’s fur. Smiling down at them for a second, you step a little closer to Even, who finally opens his eyes again. The hurt and the longing in them make you want to tell Even everything you’ve carried in your heart all week, so you smile hesitantly at him and go on.

 

“You’re … Even, I don’t .. have a way with words, but I’ll try, because I think you need to hear it,” you tell him, taking another step closer and bringing your other hand up to cradle Even’s face. You let out a chuckle and lick your lips before going on.

“When I met you, I was miserable. I was hiding … who I am from everyone, even myself. I was so worried about what people think of me that I didn’t … I wasn’t living. But then, you just … I don’t even know how you did it, but you just made me want to stop lying to myself, just by being you. You’re so incredibly kind and cool about everything, you basically made me forget about my fear of other people’s opinion of me. Even, you’re so fucking amazing, I …”

 

A shaking breath escapes your throat and you stroke Even’s cheeks with both thumbs. You’re smiling now, a bright and stupid smile, because even in the rain with soaking wet clothes, you’re so fucking happy to have Even - although he’s currently looking at you as if you were a ghost.

 

You let out a choked laugh and go on. “I feel so fucking happy around you, Even. You make me want to be me without being afraid, so please … don’t ever let IDIOTS like that evil person back there make you be afraid of being who you are, cause that person … the Even Bech Naesheim I know is the kind of person everyone should feel honoured to be friends with, do you hear me?”

 

Even swallows hard, and then his hands reach out and pull you close to him by the waist. You’re suddenly very glad it’s raining so Even can’t see the tears in your eyes.

 

“Isak ...you’re … you’re amazing, too,” Even croaks and leans his forehead against yours. You could swear your heart is about to burst out of your chest, and you let out a huffed laugh, leaning forward to kiss Even. You couldn’t care less that you’re in the middle of the street and anyone can see you. Right now, you’re kissing Even, and he’s kissing you back and that’s all that matters. You sigh against his lips and coil an arm around his waist while your other hand digs into his sopping wet hair. But Even breaks the kiss and moves his head back, an incredulous stare in his eyes.

 

“Isak, we’re in public,” he says, but you only shrug at that, pulling him closer.

 

“I don’t care,” you mutter against Even’s lips and kiss him again. He sighs softly and wraps both arms around you, gathering you against his chest. Holding onto his neck with one hand, you move the other down along his back until you’re cupping his ass with your palm. Even gasps and you can’t help but smile against his lips.

 

“Can I take you home?” you whisper into his ear and kiss his throat, feeling him shiver in your arms. Even ropes an arm around your waist and cups your face with his free hand.

 

“Yes,” he breathes and then his lips are on yours again. He’s kissing you more urgently now, his fingers drawing circles on your back, sending a shiver down your spine. Even's touch is the perfect mix of gentle and demanding, and it doesn't take more than a few seconds in his arms for your whole body to go soft and pliant. He's definitely already ruined you for anyone else by now.

 

Sighing softly, you run both hands up and down his back and part his lips with your tongue. Even moans into your mouth and grips your waist as your tongues slide together and if he wasn’t holding on to you so tightly, you’re sure you would sink to the ground.

 

When you finally break the kiss and lean your forehead against Even’s, you suddenly realise you’re cold. “Oh good, because I don’t know if you noticed, but it’s fucking pouring,” you say quietly and cradle Even’s face between your palms.

 

Even laughs - he actually laughs - and kisses you again. You sigh against his lips and almost feel like singing when you feel Even smile into the kiss. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he whispers, making you laugh.

 

You have no desire to let go of Even, but you’re starting to shiver from the cold. So you take his hand in yours and start walking him towards the tram stop. Talia follows you and is soon walking ahead, Salome sitting in her fur with a self-satisfied expression.

 

“What about the boys though?” Even asks, biting his lower lip.

 

“They understand. I told them I’d go after you and take you home, and they said to say hi to you,” you tell him, squeezing his fingers with a bright smile.

 

Even laughs hesitantly, making your heart sing. ““Okay. Elias and the boys .. they weren’t mad? I mean, we were supposed to party with them.”

 

Frowning slightly, you tug at Even’s hand. “Even, how could they be mad? They can party together and tell us all about it tomorrow. They just told me to make sure you don’t blame yourself for what happened tonight.”

 

“That sounds like them,” Even says with a grin in Talia’s direction. He watches her for a moment, and you do the same. Salome is sitting on Talia’s head now, looking utterly pleased with herself, and you almost laugh out loud. Not just because your daemons look hilarious and ridiculously happy. But mostly because despite having been humiliated and deeply hurt just minutes ago, Even isn’t pushing you away. It makes you almost dizzy with happiness to think that Even trusts you this much after so little time.

 

So when the tram stop comes into view and Even frowns at your clasped hands when he spots a few guests from the party over there, you don’t even think twice.

“Fuck it, let them talk,” you say distinctly, interlacing your fingers with Even’s and leading him onwards across the street.

 

Even still doesn’t say much on the way home, but he always smiles back when you flash a grin at him. Talia is equally silent but lets out a comfortable sigh whenever Salome moves around in her fur. When you get off the tram, the rain has thankfully stopped. Still, the cold wind has both you and Even shivering in your soaking wet clothes, and you’re more than glad that you don’t live too far away from the tram stop.

 

You find Linn and - to your surprise - Eskild on the couch at home, but before the latter can fuss over you and Even, you tell him you need to be alone and shoo him back to the living room. Leila throws a knowing look at Talia and smiles warmly at you while Eskild runs a hand along her neck.

“Let me know if you need anything, darlings,” he calls after you when you’re done taking off Even’s shoes and are toeing off your own.

 

“Will do, thanks Eskild,” you tell him and usher Even into your room. Before you follow him inside, you duck into the bathroom and snatch two towels from the rack. On the way back to your room, you rub Salome dry with one of them, making her sigh comfortably.

 

“Ah, that’s better. Now get in there, Even’s freezing,” she says in an almost accusing tone, making you stick your tongue out at her.

 

“On my way, Sal.” You close the door behind you and turn around to find Even and Talia standing in the middle of your room, both of them looking a little lost. Before, after you caught up with him in the street, Even almost seemed cheerful. But now, he appears to have crumbled into himself, as if the full weight of the evening’s events is only just hitting him now. Your heart sinks at the thought and for a second, you’re not entirely sure what to do. But then, you hear Elias’ words in your head again.

 

_Just be there for him. Take one minute at a time._

 

You drop the towels on the floor and walk over to Even, taking his hand in yours.

“You should take those wet clothes off, or you’re gonna catch a cold,” you say softly and brush a strand of wet hair behind Even’s ear. He lets out a shivering breath and when he looks up at you, his expression is almost apologetic.

 

“Help me?” he asks, and you can see he wants to explain, but you nod simply and press a kiss to his forehead to let him know he doesn’t have to.

 

You reach for the hem of Even’s T-shirt and pull it over his head. He crosses his arms in front of his chest, shivering slightly, and you fight the urge to hug him - since you’re still wearing your own wet shirt, you would only make him colder.

 

So you take your shirt off too and toss it to the floor before picking up one of the towels. With it, you embrace Even and start drying his arms and his torso. He's shaking all over, even his teeth are chattering. You wrap your arms tighter around him for a moment until he stops shaking. Pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, you make sure to dry all of his upper body before moving on to Even’s hair. While you gently rub his scalp with the towel, Even closes his eyes and hums contently, leaning into your touch. The sound sends a shiver down your spine and you can't resist kissing Even’s collarbone.

 

“You like that, huh?” you ask, smiling against his shoulder. Even nods silently without opening his eyes, and you’re tempted to keep going even though his hair has stopped dripping water already.

 

Salome smiles at Even from your shoulder, and when you move to rub your own hair dry, she leaps over onto his upper arm. He smiles down at her and gently strokes her back with two fingers. “Hey Sal,” he  murmurs softly as she leans into his touch, staring at him with pure fondness.

 

You quickly rub your own hair dry and then hesitate for a second before unbuttoning Even’s jeans. He’s watching you with a curious look on his face, as if he’s not entirely sure why and how you got here. However, he does step out of his jeans when you pull them down his legs and holds on to your shoulders while you rub his legs dry with the towel. Once you’re done, you walk over to the wardrobe and dig out two pairs of boxers, sweatpants and socks as well as two hoodies. Turning around, you find Even facing you, - Salome is sitting on his shoulder now, and he’s absent-mindedly stroking Talia behind her ear. His daemon stares straight-ahead, as if she were lost in thought, and even when you drop the clothes next to Even and move to take off his boxers, neither of them flinches.

 

It strikes you that although he’s stark naked in front of you, Even doesn’t seem to feel anxious. And despite the nagging worry in your head, you are glad about that. Still, you wrap the towel around Even’s waist and rub his bum and groin only briefly before helping him into a pair of boxers.

 

After that, it takes you only a minute to put a hoodie and a pair of sweats on him, and then you lead him across the room to your bed, asking him to sit down. Even does and you kneel down to rub Talia’s fur dry. She doesn’t make a sound but closes her eyes, leaning her body against you, and you can’t resist the urge to keep your arms around her for a moment when you’re done.

 

“Are you alright?” you ask her, pressing a kiss to her nose. Talia just nods slowly and nuzzles your neck with her snout before sitting down on the bed next to Even. Salome is perched on his knee now and watches Talia carefully. You sit back on your heels and look up at Even. He’s smiling slightly and when you reach out to cup his face, he closes his eyes again, sighing contently.

 

“Give me two seconds,” you murmur and then stand up to get the second towel. You hurriedly peel off your jeans and boxers, rub yourself dry and then put on the other dry pair of underpants, sweats, and hoodie.

 

When you turn back around, Even is still sitting on the edge of your mattress, watching you with a slight smile on his face.

 

“Hey”, you say, smiling back and kneeling down in front of him. “Better?”

 

Even nods and leans his forehead against yours. “I’m too quiet aren’t I?” he asks hesitantly and lets out a shaking breath.

 

You slowly shake your head. “No, Even.” Brushing his nose with your own, you breathe him in and clasp your hands on his neck. “You can be as quiet as you want. It’s okay. You’re okay. That’s all that matters right now, alright?” Your voice almost breaks at the last sentence, but Even smiles and leans forward to press a kiss to your lips.

 

“Okay,” he breathes back and the little smile he gives you is everything. You crawl onto the mattress next to him and take his hand, drawing him with you until you’re both lying down. You sit up again to pull the blanket over yourself and Even, and Talia settles on top of it, pressing her body against Even’s back. Salome nestles into the fur at her neck, both of them sighing contently as you lie back down, facing Even.

 

 

Your hand comes up to cup his face as Even lets out a long sigh, closing his eyes. “Thank you,” he whispers, and you brush his nose with yours in response.

 

“I am so glad you’re here,” you say against his lips before kissing him. Just a short peck, but Even smiles again.

 

“Same”, he says, shuffling a little closer and reaches for your hips under the blanket. You wrap your arm loosely around his waist and keep your other hand on Even’s neck, playing with his hair. It doesn’t take long for his breaths to even out and you know he’s asleep. Very carefully, you turn around to turn off the light next to your bed, and what feels like minutes later, you drift off to sleep as well.

 

_________________________________________________________________________

 

The next morning, you wake up before Even and are surprised to notice Talia is wrapped around your back. She’s still sleeping, just like Even, so you try not to move too much while looking for Salome. You can’t find her anywhere, but you decide it doesn’t matter.

She can’t be far, and since Talia is snuggled close to you, Salome is probably clinging somewhere to Even’s back.

 

This isn’t the first time Even’s daemon is touching you, but since you’re lying in bed it feels so much more intimate. That thought makes butterflies erupt in your stomach and you automatically move a little closer to Taila. Her fur is so soft and one of her paws is resting on your ribs, as if she were protecting you.

You smile to yourself and look up at Even’s face. He looks so peaceful when he’s sleeping. You could watch him sleep for hours, studying every inch of his beautiful face.

But then you feel Talia’s breath on your neck. She moves her head and paws slightly just as Even gives a quiet groan. You can’t resist leaning forward and pressing a gentle kiss to his nose.

 

Even doesn’t open his eyes yet, but his hand finds your waist under the covers and you move closer to him, shivering slightly at his touch. Leaning your forehead against Even’s, you breathe him in, feeling his heart beating against your chest.

 

“Isak?” Even murmurs quietly without opening his eyes.

 

“Hm?” you ask and trace your finger along his jaw.

 

“Is that Salome in my hair?”

 

You lean up on your elbows and start giggling. Your daemon is nestled in between Even’s curls, stirring slowly at the sound of her name. “What’s up?” she mumbles, making both you and Even laugh.

 

“Thank fuck it’s you Sal. I thought you were a rat or something,” Even chuckles, carefully plucking Sal from his head and setting her down on the mattress between you.

 

“I’d be mad at you but I can’t,” Salome groans at Even, and you snicker happily as Talia nuzzles your neck with her nose.

 

“Morning, Tal,” you murmur quietly and reach behind you to run a hand through her fur.

 

“Morning,” Talia groans and Even laughs softly before cradling your face with one hand.

 

“I think my daemon likes you more than she likes me,” he says and presses a kiss to your

lips.

 

“And mine is very infatuated with your hair,” you reply and kiss him again.

 

You spend the first half hour of the morning like this, exchanging lazy kisses and soft words, until both your stomachs are grumbling.

 

“We should eat breakfast,” you mumble into Even’s neck, and you feel his chuckle in your entire body.

 

“Mhm, do you want to try making eggs again?” His tone is teasing but when you look up, Even captures your lips with his own before you can think of giving a grumpy retort.

 

You sigh into the kiss, digging your fingers into Even’s hair and slinking your other arm around his waist. Even brings up a hand to cup your cheek and tilts your head back, kissing you deeper. Just like the first night you took him home, you feel yourself melting into Even’s arms as if you were made of wax. Although you’ve only met him a few weeks ago, you completely trust him and would willingly put your life in his hands. That would be terrifying under any other circumstances. But in Even’s arms, nothing scares you anymore.

 

“Sooo … breakfast?” Even whispers against your lips after a while. You’re about to contradict him but your rumbling stomach answers for you, making Even laugh. He presses a kiss to your nose and then gets up from the bed, pulling on the hoodie he’s taken off during the night. Talia is already standing on Even’s side of the bed, Salome buried in the fur on her neck again. So you don’t really have a choice but to follow them.

 

Your roommates join you for breakfast - this time, even Linn drags herself out of bed, claiming she’s only curious about the “person that makes you laugh before ten in the morning.” Gilbert gives her away though: He sits on her shoulder, sniffling excitedly in Talia’s direction, ducking his head every time Even’s daemon’s eyes meet his own. Linn is happy for you, and it warms your heart to notice that.

 

After breakfast, you decide to walk Even home. He’s promised his parents to be home for lunch since his aunt from Trondheim is visiting. You take Even’s hand the moment you walk out of the house, and the blissful smile spreading on his face when you do that makes your heart sing. Talia’s all but prancing next to the two of you, and you can hear Salome humming to herself while sitting on Talia’s head as if it were a throne.

 

“I like your friends, by the way,” you say to Even after a while, making him look at you with mild surprise on his face.

 

“You do?”

 

Chuckling slightly, you nod at him. “They are very protective of you, I like that.”

 

Even giggles excitedly and looks into your eyes. His expression is full of pride and happiness, and you just have to kiss him when he looks like that. “Isak, those boys … they’re my brothers, my everything,” Even says when you pull back.

 

That makes you frown slightly, remembering Elias’ anger when he said Martin’s name last night. He’d obviously recognised Even’s attacker, and you haven’t thought about it before, but that must mean … “Even, did they … did Martin attack you before?” you finally ask, swallowing hard.

 

Talia briefly presses her body against your leg as if to reassure you and Even squeezes your hand before he nods slowly. “Martin … he … used to pick on me when we were still in school.”

 

Even then spends the rest of the walk to his parents’ home telling you about his horrible time at school. He tells you about all the times he had his drawings torn to pieces by Martin and his goons only to be told by teachers he shouldn’t ‘get angry so quickly’ when he finally pushed back every once in a while. He recounted the countless times Martin cornered him in the halls just to punch him for the fun of it, and how teachers would brush it off as ‘normal fights between students.’

 

But he also tells you about the day he met Sonja and Edwin and their daemons Taza and Kaina. Edwin is still a good friend to Even, although they don’t hang out as much as they used to. But whenever either of them is in any kind of trouble, the other is always ready to help. And Sonja was the first person ever to step forward when Even asked for help and didn’t back down again right away.

 

Even started dating her soon after switching schools, and they were together until a few weeks ago. He’s still grateful to her for everything, particularly because she was there for him no matter how bad things got with his bipolar. But that was also a part of the problem: Sonja started behaving more like a care-taker than a girlfriend, and that made Even feel resentful towards her. He began feeling like she only spent time with him because she felt obligated. You’re surprised to learn that Even talked to Sonja again after your walk at the harbour, and that in the end, she sort of agreed with him that breaking up was the best idea for both of them.

 

“She’s a good person, she really is. We just … grew apart in a way. Not just because of my bipolar and the way she treated me because of it, but also because she sort of became … different shortly before we graduated,” Even says and squeezes your hand, giving you a gentle smile.

 

You swallow hard and clear your throat. “So … you’re not in love with her anymore?”

 

It’s a stupid question, but you have to ask it. Even doesn’t laugh though, and Talia perks up her ears, watching the two of you carefully. And then Even’s suddenly holding your face between his palms, looking deep into your eyes.

 

“No,” he all but whispers and swallows hard. “I am in love with someone else.”

 

Your heart threatens to jump out of your chest and out of the corner of your eye you notice Salome clinging to Talia’s fur and holding her breath. “Oh,” is all you can say, and your hands find Even’s waist, holding on because you’re starting to feel dizzy.

 

“Isak I can’t …” Even hesitates for a moment, but when you wrap your arms around him, he clears his throat and goes on. “I can’t promise it will be easy with me. Actually, I can promise you it _won’t_ be easy. But I know that I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. When I’m with you, I feel safe and free at the same time. And I know that’s not a guarantee that this will work, but I want to try.”

 

A shivering breath escapes your throat and you lean forward to capture Even’s lips in a kiss. His thumbs caress your temples as he kisses you back, and although you want nothing more than to lose yourself in his embrace, you know you owe him a reply.

 

So you reluctantly move your head back and run your hands up Even’s back until they’re resting on his shoulders. Taking a deep breath, you make sure to look into Even’s eyes before you speak.

 

“I don’t care how _not easy_ it gets, Even. I’ve never felt like this either, and I just want to be with you. That’s all I know.” You smile at Even, whose entire face lights up and you hear Talia let out a long breath of relief. “Just … please let me know if I do or say the wrong thing sometimes, okay?” you go on, and Even nods wordlessly. But before you can add anything, he attacks your face with kisses on your forehead, your nose, your cheeks and your lips, making you giggle.

 

Even then pulls you close to his chest and whispers into your ear. “I will, I promise. I never want to lie to you.”

 

A shiver runs down your spine at his words. You can tell he means them, and you lock your arms tighter around Even’s waist, burying your nose in his hair and breathing him in. “I never want to lie to you either.”

 

_________________________________________________________________________

 

**Even**

 

During the Easter break, you and Isak spend as much time together as possible. You take him home on Easter Monday to meet your parents, and although things are a little awkward at first, it goes well.

 

“My parents like you,” you tell Isak after walking him downstairs and kissing him silly in the dark staircase.

 

“I like them, too. I mean, they raised you, how can they not be awesome?” Isak says with an awkward chuckle and you feel Salome’s claws dig into your shoulders as if to emphasise his words. Talia sighs and leans her body against Isak’s legs and you feel Isak’s words deep in your heart, like a comforting warm liquid spreading from there into your every vein.

 

And that’s when the words go through your head for the first time. You don’t need Talia’s tiny warning growl to know it’s too early to say them out loud. But they’re true nonetheless. So instead of answering with a witty retort, you cup Isak’s face with your hands, your thumbs caressing his temples while you stare into his eyes. Isak locks his arms around your waist, pulling you closer and when your lips meet, you close your eyes and try to say with a kiss what you can’t say with words - yet.

 

_I love you. You’re everything I’m scared of, but also everything I want. You make me weak and brave in all the right ways._

 

When you pull back and wrap your arms around his waist, Isak pants against your mouth for a moment before a mischievous smile curls his lips upward. “Fuck, how am I supposed to leave you when you do _that_?” He tries to sound offended, but out of the corner of your eye, you see Salome slowly shake her head, as if she were struggling to believe Isak was actually saying that.

 

“When I do what?” you ask innocently, making Salome scoff and Isak chuckle. Instead of answering, Isak pulls you in again, splaying his hands on your neck and kissing you as if his life depended on it.

 

Your sigh turns into a moan when Isak runs his tongue along your lips, coaxing them apart. Slipping your hands under his open jacket, you rope your arms around him and pull him closer while trying not to faint. Isak then suddenly turns you around, his lips not leaving yours, and pushes you against the wall. His hands find the hem of your shirt, pulling it up and then his slightly cold fingers are roaming your back, making you gasp. Not to be outdone, you push his sweater up as well, revelling in the little moan escaping Isak when you dig your fingers into the sensitive skin at his hips. One of your hands finds Isak’s neck then while your lips latch onto it, making him throw his head back with a shaking breath.

 

“You should … your parents are probably wondering…,” Isak sighs, however not removing his hands from under your shirt. You move back a little to look into his eyes. He’s panting, looking so hot and bothered you’re almost tempted to take him back upstairs. But you know that meeting your parents was a big enough step for today. So you purse your lips and smooth down Isak’s sweater, however unable to keep from giving him a seductive smirk.

 

“I guess you’re right,” you all but whisper and then zip up his jacket before wrapping your arms around his waist again. Salome’s sitting on Talia’s head now, panting slightly and you notice your daemon shaking her head as if she just woke up from a dream.

 

“Mhm,” Isak hums and leans his forehead against yours, closing his eyes. He looks so beautiful like this, his lips swollen from kissing and his expression wrecked but still content.

 

“See you tomorrow?” you ask, kissing the tip of Isak’s nose.

 

He giggles and opens his eyes again, nodding slowly. “Yes. Do you want to come over?”

 

“Sure, just text me when you wake up,” you say instantly, but before you can worry about seeming too eager, Isak’s face lights up and he presses another kiss to your lips.

 

“Will do.”

 

Of course, it takes him quite a while longer to finally leave, mostly because you pull him back at least three times to kiss him some more. But you’re very much aware that Isak doesn’t mind, and when you finally walk back up the stairs, both you and Talia can’t stop giggling happily.

 

“So this is what it’s like, isn’t it?” Talia asks when the two of you are finally back in your room.

 

You flop down onto your bed with a sigh and your daemon cuddles up to you, burying her head at the crook of your neck.

  
“Yeah,” you say after a while, stroking Talia’s fur absent-mindedly. “This is what it’s like.”

 

______________________________________________________________________

 

Two days later, Isak’s friend Eva throws a party, and of course Isak is invited. He asks you to go with him, which is not so surprising to you since he is out to his friends now. But when he hugs Eva at the door and then takes your hand saying: “This is Even,” without a trace of doubt or embarrassment in his voice, your knees still go weak and you have to hold on to Isak’s waist while shaking Eva’s hand.

 

You learn that Eva is close friends with Noora and three other girls who also went to Nissen with Isak: Chris, Vilde, and - you gasp with surprise when you see her - Sana Bakkoush, Elias’ little sister.

 

“Sana, what are you doing here?” you call out and pull her into a hug. Tahir scowls at you from her shoulder, however nodding slightly at Talia.

 

Sana laughs and hugs you back briefly. “We’re at my friend’s house, I could ask you the same,” she says and nods at Isak with a wink. “And since when are you dating my former biology partner?”

 

Only then do you realise that Isak is staring at you and Sana as if he were seeing ghosts. Exchanging a look, you and Sana burst out laughing and then lead Isak to the living room sitting him down on one of the couches to explain everything.

 

You find out that Sana and Isak were biology partners while going to Nissen and have been friends ever since. How the two of you never met before is a mystery to you, but you’re also glad you met him the way you did.

 

You spend most of the night dancing with Isak and talking to his friends, and the more you get to know them, the more comfortable you feel. Jonas - the one who was most sceptical of you when you first met him - asks if you’re going to press assault charges against Martin for attacking you. But before you can come up with an answer, Mahdi interrupts him, his meerkat daemon - you’ve just learned her name is Roya - scowling at Jonas’ raven Maria as if to chastise her.

 

“Jonas, you can’t just ask that,” Mahdi says, putting a hand on your arm. “Sorry, Jonas is our social justice warrior, he hates nothing more than bullies.”

 

Nodding gratefully at the two of them, you clear your throat, reaching down to run a hand through Talia’s fur. “Thank you, boys. I don’t think I can …” you begin but when you trail off, Magnus pipes up.

 

“We understand, you don’t have to say anything you don’t want to.” The words sound a little rehearsed, but Magnus’s ferret daemon, Sirina, nods in agreement, looking rather proud from where she’s sitting on his shoulder.

 

“Thanks, Magnus, I appreciate it,” you tell him, smiling kindly at him. Magnus grins back, looking pleased with himself.

“Anytime. You’re one of us now,” he says gently, and you’re glad that your phone buzzes just in that moment so you have an excuse to look away.

 

**_Isak_ **

 

_Tell Magnus to stop staring at you._

 

Grinning at your screen, you type back.

 

_He’s not staring at me, babe, what the fuck?_

 

 

Letting out a short laugh, you look up and right into Magnus’ face. His eyes are wide open, and you realise Isak wasn’t entirely kidding. Magnus is looking at you with a mix of admiration and apprehension. “So, Even?” he asks when he realises you’re looking at him. “Are you and Isak coming with us later? We’re going to go to the harbour to get shitfaced by the water.”

 

“Uh,” you think for a moment and then catch Isak’s eye. He’s walking over towards you and apparently he heard Magnus because he is shaking his head with a dark, hungry look on his face. “I guess we’re going to leave soon, actually,” you say with an awkward grin at Magnus.

 

He looks disappointed, but nods anyway, stroking Sirina’s head absent-mindedly. “Oh, okay, sure,” he mumbles, still staring at you. When Isak walks up to you and curls an arm around your waist, Magnus grins broadly but before he can say anything, Jonas squeezes his shoulder and clears his throat.

 

“Didn’t you say you wanted to talk to Vilde’s friend? The one we met on the way here?” he asks carefully, but Magnus makes a face and shakes his head.

 

“She’s not just Vilde’s _friend_ ,” he says, pointing across the room with his chin. Following his gaze, you see Vilde standing very close to a girl with thick brown hair woven into a long braid. The girl’s hand is running up and down Vilde’s arm and both of them are smiling blissfully at each other.

 

Looking back at Magnus, you’re delighted to see him watch the two girls with a fond expression on his face. “She told me when we kissed last week, that she thinks she might be into girls,” he says matter-of-factly, without a trace of indignance in his voice. Sirina exchanges a look with Vilde’s daemon - a beautiful snow leopard pressed against Vilde’s legs - and Jonas nods slowly, putting an arm around Magnus.

 

“You’re really great about this, Mags. Another guy would be offended, you know?” he says, and Maria exchanges a long look with Sirina, who for once doesn’t duck, but returns Maria’s gaze with pride.

 

“Offended? Why? Vilde said that for a guy, I kiss pretty well but she still didn’t feel anything,” Magnus says, turning to face Jonas with a proud grin. “I then suggested she should try kissing a girl, and she looked a bit scared at first, but then she said she might do that.”

 

Just then, Vilde looks up and catches Magnus’s eye. A grateful smile spreads on her lips and she nods at him, looking blissfully happy.

 

“You’re pretty awesome, Mags,” Mahdi says, making the four of you turn to look at him. Roya is sitting on his shoulder, staring at Sirina as if she had just seen her for the first time.

 

“Yep, I agree,” Isak pipes up, squeezing your waist and leaning a little closer to you. “You rock, man,” he adds, pointing his finger at his friend.

 

Magnus blushes furiously and looks down at his hands for a moment before meeting Isak’s eye. “Thanks, guys,” he croaks and clears his throat. “I mean, hell ... “ he giggles and throws another look at Vilde and the brunette girl - she’s turned her head a little so her face is visible and only now do you recognise Eva. “Vilde and Eva look pretty hot together, don’t they?”

 

Isak looks shocked and pleased at the same time as Vilde leans forward to capture Eva’s lips in a hesitant kiss. Eva smiles into the kiss and ropes both arms around Vilde, pulling her closer. Her daemon - a beautiful red panda - approaches Vilde’s snow leopard and the two of them bump noses, evidently just as happy as the two girls.

 

You remember Isak talking to Vilde shortly before you approached him after the party at Emma’s house - and when Isak told you Vilde was going to be at the party tonight, he mentioned that Salome loved Vilde’s daemon although he had no idea why.

 

Watching him now, you see the realisation fall like scales from his eyes. “That’s why you like Adavi so much, isn’t it?” he whispers to Salome, who is sitting on his shoulder. “You felt it.”

 

When Salome nods with wide eyes, Talia chuckles slowly and rubs your knee with her nose. “I guess so,” Isak’s daemon breathes incredulously, watching Vilde’s and Eva’s daemon cuddle on the ground next to the two girls, who are giggling into each other’s mouths now.

 

You look over at Isak to find him grinning broadly at you. “My daemon is smarter than me, can you believe it?” he asks and pecks your lips.

 

He then raises his eyebrows at you, and you don’t know if it’s the fact that Isak just kissed you in front of his friends, but you suddenly feel significantly warmer than before. “Mhm,” you hum against his mouth and wrap your arms around him.

Isak sighs when you press your lips to his throat and moves his head back to kiss you again. With visible difficulty, he then lets go of you, clearing his throat.

 

But before he can tell the boys that you and him are leaving, Jonas grins broadly at the two of you and pats his best friend’s shoulder.

 

“See you guys around then? Maybe on Sunday? Fifa at my place?” he asks and Maria watches you knowingly, as if she could read both your minds. Somehow, you’re not bothered by that thought. _Damn right, I want to jump my boyfriend’s bones, so what, sue me._

 

Beside you, Isak clears his throat and steps forward. “Sounds good, man,” he says and pulls his best friend into a hug. After Magnus and Mahdi hugged him good-bye as well and shook your hand, wishing the two of you a good night, Isak takes your hand and pulls you with him into a dark corner in the hallway. Pushing you against the wall, he presses a wet kiss to your throat as Salome climbs into your hair.

 

“Let’s go home,” your boyfriend whispers against your ear, making your entire body shiver. Holding on to Isak’s waist, you cup his face with both hands and kiss him, long and lingering.

 

“Hell yeah,” you whisper against his lips, revelling in the happy sigh that escapes him. Talia groans exasperatedly, wordlessly urging the two of you to get out of there _right now_ , and you’ve already dragged Isak down the hall to the front door when he suddenly holds you back.

 

“I have to pee,” he says with an apologetic grin. “I’ll be quick,” he adds, pressing his lips to your collarbone and then turning around, not without raising his eyebrows suggestively at you before turning the corner.

 

Groaning with frustration, you open the front door of Eva’s house and step out into the cool night air. Talia follows on your heels, taking a deep breath and then nudging your knee with her nose. “You do realise you’ve been dating the guy for a week now? Isn’t it about time you got your chill back?”

 

You roll your eyes at your daemon, wondering which one of you is more pathetic: you for still being as smitten with Isak as you were when you first met him or her pretending that she doesn’t feel the same way. “Shut up, Tal,” you say, far too fondly for your taste, but her scoff isn’t as dismissive as she probably means it either.

 

Crouching down, you put both arms around your daemon with a deep sigh. “We’re good, Isak and I, aren’t we?” you ask softly, and Talia leans into your embrace with a resigned groan.

  
“Yes, you are,” she admits softly, making you smile. You press a kiss to her nose, making her growl, but before she can yell at you, both of you startle at the sound of a suppressed sob coming from nearby.

 

Turning around, you see a dark figure standing on Eva’s lawn. They have their back turned to you, but you instantly recognise the beautiful owl daemon sitting on their shoulder.

 

“Sana?” you say gently, making her whirl around. Sana’s face is tear-streaked and her make-up smudged, and when she tries to smile, you feel a sting in your heart. _Who made you cry, little sister?_

 

As you approach her - very slowly, trying not to scare her - Sana hides her face in her hands and you can hear her swallowing hard as Tahir leans his head against hers in an attempt to soothe her.

 

“Can … Should I hug you?” you ask tentatively while Talia watches Tahir with wary eyes, unsure whether or not to look him in the face.

 

Sana takes a shuddering breath and then nods curtly. Hesitating for a moment, you wrap your arms around her and pull her close. Sana sobs quietly into your hoodie, still hiding her face in her palms while you gently caress her back. After a while, you just wrap both arms around her middle and hold her until her sobs subside.

 

“Are you alright?” you ask softly, leaning your cheek against the side of Sana’s head for a moment before moving back to look at her. She sighs deeply and then gently disengages herself from you, sniffling a little and staring at her feet.

 

“I’m okay, it’s nothing,” she says weakly, still not looking at you and sounding so hopeless you have to fight the urge to pull her into your arms again. From Tahir’s rigid posture and the piercing stare in his eyes, you can tell that Sana doesn’t want another hug right now.

 

So both you and Talia take a step back, still watching Sana and Tahir carefully. “Nothing wouldn’t make you cry like that, little sister,” you say gently. At that, Tahir finally moves, clearing his throat and giving Talia a wary look. Your daemon shifts uncomfortably but tries to return Tahir’s gaze as reassuringly as possible.

 

And then, Sana finally looks up at you with a deep sigh. Her face is a pain-stricken grimace that makes your heart hurt.

 

“I … it’s just .. my friends … they sometimes don’t … they don’t really get me.” She looks down at her feet again as you try to process what she just said. She must mean Eva, Vilde, Noora, and Chris. You’ve seen the five of them together at the party at Emma’s house a few weeks ago. And today, you saw them sitting in a circle not far from where you and Isak were entangled on the floor while listening to Jonas and Mahdi discuss the quality of the weed they had bought earlier that night. You didn’t mean to eavesdrop but you couldn’t help but notice your name and the names of your childhood friends being dropped a few times in the girls’ conversation. And just when you’re about to ask Sana what it is her friends said to upset her, it hits you that you already know.

 

During their conversation earlier, Eva suggested that the five of them should ask you to bring your friends along to the next party because she thought they were all rather cute, and that they needed to fix Noora up with someone anyway. Vilde gave an excited giggle at that and added: “Oh yes, Eva! Yousef would be perfect for Noora, don’t you think? They’d be so cute together.” And in that moment, you caught Sana’s eye and wondered why she looked as if she was contemplating whether to get up and run or slap Vilde. You thought she was just annoyed at Vilde for always wanting to fix everyone up with someone, but now you know you were wrong.

 

“Yousef,” you say quietly, making Sana suck in a sharp breath. She looks like you just stabbed her in the heart and without thinking, you step forward and put your hands on her shoulders. When she finally raises her head to look at you, the painful expression on her face is the last confirmation you need to know your assumption is correct. “You like him.”

 

Sana purses her lips, to keep from crying again and then clears her throat, straightening up and trying to harden her expression. Tahir moves an inch so his entire body is pressed against the side of Sana’s head. He’s staring holes into the air, evidently determined to not give away anything about Sana’s state of mind.

 

“It doesn’t matter,” Sana says darkly, forcing the words out. “He’s not muslim, plus he’s my brother’s best friend. It would never work.” You can hear the pain in her voice and it makes you want to hug her again. Instead, you drop your arms to your sides and take a deep breath as Talia takes three steps forward and then lies down at Sana’s feet.

 

“Those are just minor bumps in the road, Sana,” you tell her, surprised at how sure you sound. You had no idea Sana likes Yousef until now, but you do remember Yousef talking about her a few times. He seems to be rather fascinated by her basketball skills and her witty retorts to her brother’s half-hearted insults …

 

“He’d be stupid not to like you back,” you go on, reaching out to squeeze her upper arm. Sana lets out a disbelieving huff of laughter and then, Tahir suddenly flutters to the ground, landing right in between Talia’s front paws. She gently nudges his head with her nose, and Tahir gives a pained little hoot before leaning against your daemon’s chest.

 

“It’s just … everything’s a mess,” Sana finally lets out and this time, you don’t hesitate to pull her into your arms. She doesn’t cry this time but just takes one deep breath after another while your fingers rub soothing circles onto her back.  “He’s my brother’s friend, Even,” she murmurs after a while. “Even if Yousef does like me, Elias will kill him.”

 

“Insha’Allah, Elias will one day realise that your happiness is more important than his pride,” you say without thinking, making Sana chuckle shortly. She moves her head back and for the first time since you found her out here, her expression looks hopeful.

 

“Thank you, Even. You’re too kind,” she says, a soft smile curling her lips upward. Tahir flies up and lands on her shoulder again, nudging Sana’s cheek briefly, and Talia gets to her feet, pressing her body against your legs.

 

“You’re welcome, little sister,” you reply, feeling your cheeks heat up slightly. “I’m glad we talked. We should do that more.”

 

Sana beams at you and nods. “Yes, we should.” She hesitates for a moment and then adds: “Maybe you and I could play basketball some time? You can bring Isak as back-up if you want.”

 

You stare at her in disbelief and are about to tell her you’re not very keen on having your ass kicked by her when you hear Isak’s voice from behind you.

 

“Back-up for what?”

 

Turning around, you reach out to wrap your arm around Isak’s waist as he does the same. He kisses your lips and then turns to Sana with a kind smile, raising a questioning eyebrow at her while Salome jumps off his arm into Talia’s fur.

 

“Sana just invited us to a basketball game,” you tell him, winking at Sana, who grins mischievously at you and then at Isak.

 

“To watch or to play?” Isak asks instantly, making both you and Sana laugh.

 

“To play, two against one,” Sana explains, pursing her lips.

 

“What did we do to deserve that?” Isak says, sounding as if Sana had just imposed a death sentence on him.

 

“Isak, who says we don’t have a shot? We’re both pretty tall and Sana is tiny,” you say with a laugh, purposefully not looking at Sana.

 

“She rocks at basketball, Even, she’ll murder us and you know it,” Isak exclaims, making Sana laugh out loud.

 

“I’ll go easy on you,” she says, winking at him again. “But now I have to go back inside, the girls will be wondering where I am,” she adds, taking two steps closer to hug you.

 

“Allah Hafiz, Sana,” you say quietly, making her hug you a little tighter for a moment.

 

“Jazakallah Khair,” Sana breathes at your shoulder and then lets go of you, smiling gratefully at you.

 

Isak wraps Sana in an awkward hug as well and then takes your hand in his. “Bye Sana, see you soon,” he says and waves at her.

 

“Yes, see you around, boys,” Sana says and waves back. Tahir is watching you two with what almost looks like a benevolent expression, looking much less stiff than just minutes ago.

 

Both you and Isak wave at Sana again and then turn around, walking towards the  bus stop with Talia on your heels - Salome is sitting on her head again, it really has become her favourite spot.

 

“You speak Arabic?” Isak asks when you reach the bench at the stop, sitting down and smiling curiously at you.

 

“Only a little. I picked up some phrases from the boys,” you explain and Isak nods appreciatively.

 

“It sounds beautiful,” he says with pride in his voice and for that, you just have to kiss him.

 

You edge a little closer to Isak on the bench and cup his face between your palms before gently brushing his lips with yours. Isak’s fingers curl around your wrists as you kiss him, slowly, carefully, putting all the affection you have for him into it.

 

“Subhanallah,” you whisper against his lips and lean your forehead against his. “That means you overwhelm me, babe. Everything about you is so overwhelmingly good.”

 

You expect him to pull back and laugh, but Isak merely shivers. Opening your eyes, you see his cheeks are pink, making him look even more adorable than he does anyway.

 

“You too,” he croaks and wraps both arms around your waist to pull you even closer. “I sometimes can’t believe this … is real.”

 

You have to blink a few times to make sure you’re not dreaming. Yep, Isak actually said _that_ , in the middle of the city, to you. The smile on his face is so genuine you’re suddenly glad you’re sitting down. After Isak kisses you again, you smile brightly at him, pushing a strand of his hair behind his ear.

 

“Same, baby, same,” you whisper, and only when the words are already out do you realise what you just said.

 

“Baby,” Isak murmurs with conviction, before you can even think of taking it back. Cupping your neck with one hand, he captures your lips with his own in a heart-stopping kiss. “I like that,” he adds, brushing your nose with his.

 

You kiss him again and then the bus arrives, interrupting your little moment. “Come on, let’s go home,” Isak says and takes your hand in his.

 

 _Home._ Following Isak onto the bus with Talia on your heels, you think about that word for a moment. You’ve always thought that home is supposed to be a place. But at least right now, looking at Isak’s bright smile and feeling his hand in yours, you think that home - at least your home - is very much a person.

 

This person. Isak. Your person.

 

_________________________________________________________________________

 

**Isak**

 

You usually hate shopping, particularly shopping for food, but somehow, Even makes it a lot more fun. Talia is walking between you two while Salome is sitting on your shoulder, throwing a suspicious look at almost everything Even points to before plucking it from the shelves. You’re carrying the basket and although you are pretty sure you don’t need half of the things Even is collecting, you let him explain to you what he will use each item for.

 

“Aaand some Oregano to improve the flavour of the tomato sauce,” he announces, tossing a tiny glass container into the basket, winking at you. Salome wrinkles her nose and you’re about to ask how exactly a green herb will improve the flavour of anything when Even’s phone pings and he digs it out of his pocket.

 

For a moment, Even stares at his screen, but then his face lights up with a bright smile. “Sana,” he says fondly and turns the phone around to show you.

 

_Even, I just wanted to say thank you again, to_

_both you and Isak. You were right. I talked to_

_the girls, and they apologised. I’m not sure_

_if I’ll ever ask Yousef out, and PLEASE_

_don’t say anything … But with me and the_

_girls, everything is okay. JK, brother <3 _

 

“Oh wow, that’s cool!” you say, thinking that if anyone deserves to be appreciated more, it’s your former biology partner. “You’re a great friend, babe” you add, and Even blushes, looking down at his hands for a moment. When his eyes meet yours again, he smiles, however hesitantly.

 

“You really are. An awesome friend and an even better boyfriend,” you say with a slight chuckle, and now Even’s almost beaming.

 

“You’re just saying that because I cook for you,” he teases as you take his hand in yours.

 

You’re about to protest, when someone clears their throat next to you.

 

“Isak?”

 

You would recognise that high-pitched voice anywhere and it still makes your insides freeze. “Emma,” you say stiffly, rolling your eyes at Even before turning around.

 

Emma is standing two steps away from you, her arms crossed in front of her chest and Osric sitting on her shoulder, looking ready to pounce. “Who the hell do you think you are?” she begins and that … what?

 

“Uh, ...” you mumble uncomfortably, feeling your cheeks flush and your heartbeat speed up. You haven’t seen Emma since the party after which you took Even home. Before Even got there, you had told her that the two of you wouldn’t work out because she wasn’t your type.

Emma had stared at you for a full minute before Osric nudged her cheek and she shook her head and asked where the hell this was coming from and if it had anything to do with ‘that guy who kept staring at you during my party.’

 

After she said that it was your turn to stare, however only for a moment. Salome emerged from behind your neck then, settling on your shoulder and bravely staring at Osric, who almost hissed with anger.

 

“Yes,” you told her, but before Emma could ask any other questions you didn’t want to answer, you finally walked away, feeling horrible and relieved at the same time. Emma didn’t follow you but you did see her shoot you dirty looks all night, letting you know she was everything but okay with your rejection.

 

Emma must still be angry with you about that, and you know she has a right to be, so you put down the shopping basket, clear your throat and force yourself to look up into her face. “I’m sorry, Emma. I wasn’t ...nice to you.”

 

You’re surprised at how steady your voice sounds, but what surprises you even more is that Emma frowns at you as if you had said something disgusting.

 

“What the fuck? I don’t care about that, I don’t even care that you left me for a _guy_ ,” she spits, throwing a glare at Even. He and Talia both jump slightly, but when he smiles warmly and closes his fingers around your wrist you know he’s okay.

 

Before you can think of a reply, Emma goes on. “Who do you and your friends think you are? You chased MY boyfriend out of a party last week?”

 

Even’s fingers tighten on your wrist and you take his hand in yours. Looking over at him, you see a trace of panic in his eyes although he tries to smile. You squeeze his hand reassuringly and smile back at him as Salome hurriedly climbs down your arm to jump into Talia’s fur. Talia whimpers slightly but then sighs with relief when Salome shushes her quietly and settles on her neck like a friendly tick.

 

“Uh, just in case your boyfriend’s name is Martin, trust me he deserved it,” you tell Emma, fixating her with a serious expression. Osric lets out a hiss and Emma rolls her eyes, throwing up both hands in a dismissive gesture.

 

“Isak, do you have any idea what kind of _crazy_ person is standing next to you?” she says, setting both arms akimbo, and now your cheeks are flushing with anger. You let go of Even’s hand to wrap your arm around his waist and pull him closer. He shivers slightly but slides his arm around you as well, and when you look up at him, he looks shocked but manages a tiny smile.

 

Standing up for yourself about being in love with a guy is one thing - you still find it hard, and had Emma questioned your feelings for Even, you’re not sure you would have known what to say. But defending Even against idiots who think he’s crazy - that’s the most natural and easy thing in the world to you.

 

“I realise you may be a little biased since you’re dating the asshole who attacked Even for no reason,” you say coldly, fixating Emma with an angry glare. “But if anyone around here is crazy, it’s you for thinking Martin is anything else than a fucking asshole.”

 

Emma’s jaw drops and Osric almost falls off her shoulder, scrambling to hold on. “What.  The. Fuck,” she finally says and takes a step closer, pointing to Even. “He’s ill, Isak. He goes crazy every once in a while, beating people up for no reason and insulting everyone who crosses him. Martin saw it happen with his own eyes, they went to school together.”

 

And boy are you glad you and Even talked about all of this, otherwise your expression might have shown a hint of hesitation before you reply. “Emma, Martin is a fucking liar! He bullied everyone who was smarter than him because he couldn’t stand anyone who wasn’t the same kind of pathetic idiot like him. If you can’t see that, I can’t help you.”

 

You pull Even a little closer, sharing a look with him. This time, his smile is bigger and you’re glad you didn’t tell Emma that Even was the only one Martin bullied. You can’t explain how you guessed it, but a part of you just knew that Even would be embarrassed if Emma knew that Martin singled him out.

 

Emma shakes her head with a deep sigh. “Isak, I told you, Even is ill,” she say with a patronising tone. “He lies without wanting to, probably, because whatever his mind makes up seems real to him, but you can’t believe what he says about what happened almost ten years ago?”

 

“You know nothing about him, alright?” your voice is so loud several shoppers are turning around to stare, but you couldn’t care less. “Even’s mind is none of your business, and if you ever call him crazy again, I might just forget I liked you once.”

 

That’s a lie, you never liked Emma, but you are trying to get her to shut up. And from your experience, flattery always works with Emma.

 

Not this time though.

 

She opens her mouth again, no doubt to insult Even once more, but you can feel your boyfriend shiver next to you and are done watching a girl who almost messed things up for the two of you make him feel like this.

 

“Stop talking, Emma,” you say, your voice quiet, but cold. “I’m glad you got over me so quickly and are apparently ‘in love’, but please don’t ever talk to me or Even again. It’s for your own good, believe me.”

 

Emma gapes at you for a long moment, but then Osric tugs at the sleeve of her T-shirt, making her shake her head. You think that she will protest or yell at you again, but then she suddenly closes her mouth and turns away, making a dismissive gesture with her hand.

 

You watch her turn the corner and are suddenly aware of at least twenty pairs of eyes on you and Even. But you don’t care about that right now.

 

“Let’s go,” you say and leave the shopping basket standing on the floor, but just when you’re about to pull Even with you to guide him out of the store, he releases your waist to take your hand and pulls you back.

 

“Isak, look at me,” he says, and when you do, you’re surprised to see him smiling confidently.

 

You reach out to cup his cheek with one hand. “Are you okay, babe?” you ask quietly, trying to sound as calm as possible, although your heart is still racing. “Emma is a moron, alright?”

 

Even wrinkles his nose and taps yours with his finger. “I don’t know, maybe she just doesn’t know better?”

 

Both you and Salome scoff at that, although you still can’t help but feel relieved. But when you catch Talia looking down at her front paws, it suddenly hits you that your reaction might have made Even feel embarrassed.

 

“Even,” you say softly just as he’s bending down to pick up the shopping basket again. He turns to you with a slight frown on his face, squeezing your hand.

 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t just have assumed …” you pause, not sure how to say this. Looking at your shoes, you take a deep breath before you go on. “You’re not a child, and I don’t want to treat you like one.”

 

Even’s smile grows impossibly wider and you feel Talia’s nose bump your knee as if to reassure you. “I know. It’s okay, Isak,” Even says and leans in to press a kiss to your lips.

 

“Just let me know when I’m being an idiot, okay?” you tell him, looking into his eyes.

 

Nodding slowly, Even purses his lips and then moves to pick up the basket. “Thank you,” he says, leading you further down the aisle.

 

“You are so welcome,” you reply, squeezing Even’s fingers, and his happy laugh reverberates in every cell of your body.

 

Later, when the two of you are lying on your bed, legs entangled and chests pressed together, you feel the words you’ve been holding back for days bubble up in your throat. And although you think it might be a bit early to say them, you are done keeping things from Even.

 

“Look at me,” you whisper quietly, feeling your heartbeat in your throat. Even does, and you run both hands up along his arms until you’re holding his face between your palms. Your boyfriend looks back at you with a mix of curiosity and happiness, waiting for you to speak.

 

“I love every part of you, Even. With every part of me.”

 

You hear Salome gasp - she’s sitting in Even’s hair again - but it doesn’t sound as shocked as you would have expected. You feel Talia pressing her body to your back, and if you didn’t know better you would swear she is purring.

 

Even’s eyes go wide with surprise and then his smile grows bigger and bigger as he slides his arms around your waist to pull you closer, brushing your nose with his. “I love all of you too,” he croaks and then his lips are on yours, taking your breath away.

 

You cup his neck with one hand and wrap your other arm around his shoulders as Even kisses you again, long and lingering. When he finally moves back, he leans his forehead against yours and lets out a deep breath.

 

“You know, seeing you stand up to Emma for me like that was quite the turn-on,” he says, waggling his eyebrows at you.

 

Shrugging slightly, you give him a cheeky smile. “I can’t have anyone talk shit about my boyfriend.”

 

Even’s laugh reverberates in your entire body and then his lips are on yours again. Your eyes flutter shut as he kisses you slowly, as if the two of you had all the time in the world.

 

“Boyfriend, huh?” he murmurs against your lips, and you open your eyes again to find him looking at you with an expression that makes your heartbeat speed up.

 

“Yup,” you breathe back and kiss him again. “I’m done being afraid.”

 

Even smiles so brightly you almost have to blink. “Awesome,” he whispers and then claims your lips with his own once more, kissing you more urgently this time.

 

Before your eyes flutter shut again, you notice Salome padding across your pillow towards Talia, no doubt to settle in her favourite spot on Even’s daemon’s neck.

 

You think that yeah, maybe you and Even made some silly mistakes, like lying to each other for stupid reasons and hiding your true selves from one another. But it all led you right here, to lying in your bed, stomachs full with Even’s delicious pasta and hearts full of love and your daemons glued together as if they were one. It feels new and exciting, and at the same time it feels as if you were always supposed to end up like this.

 

And that - although it used to be everything you were scared of - is everything you want.

 

Besides getting Even naked, of course.

**Author's Note:**

> Aaah I'm so nervous about this! What do you think? Do you like the concept? The next chapter is going to be from Isak's POV. I don't know yet if I'll keep switching POV's, what do you think about that? And what do you think /would you like to happen next? Let me know!!


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